Christmas and Crayons- Totally Unrelated

The store was full of old ladies. I don't what was going on, but I felt like I was at a fashion show for high wasted pants and turquoise flannel...because, that's what old ladies wear....

I scribbled that in my notebook in, surprise, surprise, a Wal-Mart parking lot. I included it (if you need a reason) because I'm sick of writing things and taking up room in my blog-notebook, and they never getting to my blog. And besides, thinking up an intro to these things is hard....

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
I am having a coherency problem, so I figured I'll just go ahead and skip to that. I told myself before the holidays that I was not, repeat NOT going to let the busyness of Christmas prevent me from keeping up with my blog, which I had finally gotten into a habit of doing...I, of all people should have known how unreliable I am. But the last time I blogged I left you out of breath, staring blankly at three black and white photos of people you didn't know and expecting an update about a Christmas party that never came. And now I'm going to have skip past the part about the Christmas party, the adorable version of Porky Pig singing "Blue Christmas" that I listened to at least forty times, the shock and disappointment I felt when I found out that both Morey Amsterdam and Andy Griffith had been sucked into providing voices for those terrible (but somehow cozy) Christmas cartoons from the 70's...in order to keep you up-to-date. So let's start with the presents, shall we? Normally, in the blissful days of my recent childhood, I was able to accumulate during the course of a year, a list of presents not below or exceeding roughly 2 million items. In this way, I knew that no matter how badly my parents anticipated which one I wanted the most, someone in my family was sure to get me an awesome present. However, this year I found myself completely stumped. I really had everything I wanted at the moment...except a guitar, but my mother was sneaky and dishonest enough to affirm to me that I wasn't getting one. And as a result, waiting for my Christmas present was like missing a trip to Disney world and then picking up trash off the highway...and then having to eat cold spinach for dinner. I had to listen to Mom and Dad actually complain they couldn't give it to me sooner. But it was worth the wait, and I am now the proud owner of a beautiful new Yamaha acoustic guitar with a Road-Runner brand case. (the inside of the case is furry and blue and the most comfortable thing since Peebles...it makes you want to crawl inside and become a ventriloquist's dummy just so you can live there). I also got a cool lap desk from Nina and Papa (which I am using right now, thank you very much ;) some silly bands- I'm not really into the silly band thing but these were Muppet silly bands, so I made an exception. I got two new cool scarfs, knee socks and a tee-shirt which merits description; It is gray, features Kermit the frog in large glasses and says "Geek" several times in big green letters. I really don't have a clue what would posses someone to make a shirt like this, but I do know that it has the Muppets and it calls me a geek, and is therefore the most expressive thing I shall ever wear. New Years was celebrated with non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice, Jack Benny specials and a lot of noise. We didn't get to celebrate Christmas with our other grandparents till the day before yesterday, and I came back with an awesome vintage VW bug puzzle from 1974, steam-curlers, and some capital, gnarly and pleasing new vinyl, including >insert girly squeal< two John Denver records. ANYWAY, our poster collecting is going surprisingly well. We already have the Humphrey
Bogart, a black and white "Casablanca" and an "Abbey Road". Today I am expecting a Jack Benny, and John Denver and Bob Dylan are on the way. So goodbye people! I told mother I would be working on my poster project, and something tells me she shall be rather unhappy to find out the truth. Some people simply cannot handle the truth.


P.S. At some point I'm going to grow up and stop using unnecessary pictures to draw people into my posts. At some point I am going to have a nice camera and be able to take decent pictures and then I'll be able to show you the tee-shirt and silly bands and guitar. But right now you'll just have to settle for the pictures of two of the the posters were getting (Bob Dylan and Jack Benny) and a stock photo of John Denver's "Poems, Prayers and Promises", one of my new records. Many apologies, especially as blogger's inability to cope with visuals is yet again cutting my post to pieces.


P.P.S. I almost forgot! We got "Toy Story 3" for Christmas too - and unless my laptop is impounded because of this post I will review it soon. Cheers!

Stuff and Stuff

I get the sneaking suspicion I've used that title before. But, you see, to verify this would take research and neither me or you want to read old posts, so I digress. First off, I want to apologize for that last post. Not particularly because it was awful, in the technical sense it was a nice coherent (:D) post with plenty of good points- in fact, I may be just being perfectionist- I guess the problem was that there was nothing funny about it. If I'm going to write something I want it to have at least the bare minimal of humor to it, and there is positively nothing funny about watching Tim Blake in a bad role. But enough about that; Some updates! (your going to have to bear with me at first because this doesn't sound exciting) Me and my sister Ruby...meaning me...spent yesterday cleaning and the end result was that we earned 15 bucks each. That may not sound like a lot of money, but to a girl who wants as many things as I do, it's like the light at the end of the tunnel- I guess the tunnel is the day I spent cleaning...never mind, figure it out yourself. So anyway, Ruby is buying a Humphrey Bogart poster with her half, and hanging it over her bed in a spot conveniently visible to me and out of the way of my record- mural- thing. I don't know what the thing is about Humphrey Bogart- he's just about so awesome I can't think of anything to compare him too. He's not even really all that good looking, he's what you call intimidatingly handsome; he scares you into the illusion that he's the best thing since...or till... Harrison Ford. And that's just cool. But that's not my problem; I have been wanting a John Denver poster. And I am NOT afraid to admit that, I am embracing my own inner- nerd. You may call it de-socialization, I call it bravery; it's not easy carrying out a social life with a guy like John Denver hanging over your head-literally. That's what the pictures are of- The smiley guy (Denver, if you happen to be a crazy person and don't know) and Bogart, who looks like he just may shoot someone, these are the exact posters were getting, and I leave it up to you- who out does the other? Is John Denver friendlier (I refrain from saying 'cute') than Humphrey Bogart is tough?! We must solve this great problem! And that just may be were I leave you. I really just wanted to blog because I can, and because I want to have something else on the top of my page other than the boring "Holes" review. Oh! And a few more things; today was the last class day till February, but tomorrow we are going caroling and Saturday there is a Christmas party- (why is this my first Christmas party? That really hurts) so the festivities are not over yet. And; we have been watching a lot of "The Dick Van Dyke Show" ( D.V.D. is also among my list of awesome people) lately, and when I mentioned this to my grandfather the day before yesterday, he told me he had met Morey Amsterdam...and it is very hard to explain the significance of that to you unless A) you watched the show and B) You knew the names of the actors and C) you appreciate awesome people, because Morey Amsterdam is one O' dose. And I plan on buying a cool Muppet record. The end!


P.S. I added a picture of Morey Amsterdam for good measure. I know there are lots of pictures of awesome people in black and white but as long as you know who at least two of them are I trust you won't get confused.

P.P.S. I thought of one of those witty sayings you could put on a T-shirt: "Before the world had Chuck Norris we had Humphrey Bogart" Your welcome. I don't know how much sense that makes because I'm not familiar with Chuck Norris, I just know he's cool. And you may or may not get beat up for wearing a shirt that says that- it depends on how many people there are that still walk around thinking it's the 80's. And I also thought of something to compare him to; he's almost as awesome as my Kermit hat.

"Holes"- A Sick Girl's Review.

"Smells like puke from a mule that's been ruminating on asparagus for a week!"- Dr. Pendenski



( That is my favorite quote from the movie ;-). First of all, let me clarify my use of the word "sick", what I mean is, I have had the flu for the last week. Not the other kind of sick as in "sicko". Glad that's out of the way. Well as you all know, I only promised- what was it- a week ago that this review was coming soon. It came! I cannot tell you how incredibly glad I was when the "Inspector Gadget" review got so much feedback...positive feedback...and I have really wanted to get off...I mean up and review another movie. We rented "Holes" the exact same time as "Inspector Gadget", and I had already seen it many times before, which is probably half the reason why it wasn't my first choice for reviewing- I already had a built-in opinion that I had shared with most of you. Anyway, when I watched this...uhm....this time, I almost expected it to be a bad movie. That probably had something to do with the aforementioned film, but it still shook my firm belief that this was an awesome movie, and helped me to look at it in a more honest, analytical way. And I still could find very little wrong with it. I like this movie! The plot is excellent, sure- I can't give Disney the credit for it, it was based of a book- but it is great. It's complicated and all ties in like...like...a Seinfeld episode or something. Except that's a really bad example, because it's nothing like Seinfeld. Anyway- Patricia Arquette and Tim Blake, the name of two actors...or an actor and actress...who's acting needed help in this movie. Let me explain. I am a fan of Tim Blake- "O' Brother Where Art Thou" is in the top three of my all-time favorite movies, and he is one of my favorite characters in the movie... but his role in "Holes" was impossible. He plays Dr. Pendenski, the camp counselor. Originally, he is introduced as the nice, stupid guy, but early on a sub plot is introduced in which he is really, really mean to the supporting character, Zero. And it's just unbelievable. As in- you can't believe it, which still sounds too dramatic. And then as the movie goes on he get's meaner and meaner in general, and by the end of the movie he's just a sinister evil-genius- his entire character turns around, and it's just no good. Besides, he's way more believable as a nice stupid guy. And Patricia Arquette, who plays Kate Barlow... well- what can say? She's very pretty. There, that's the nice thing- and her acting is terrible. End of story. Anyway, the bottom line is this- I did my research, I asked at least a dozen people, including my teacher and my grandparents, and got one of the same answers every time- either "Loved it", "It was very clever" or "I've only read the book". And one guy just didn't like Shia LeBuff, but that's actor stuff, so I don't count that. But seriously, this movie had everything- awesome plot, reasonably good actors, some comedy, scenes in the old west AND with a pig, and a soundtrack that could have been anyone from Alison Krauss to Blues Traveler. I guess that's not a real big range. Oh well. What I'm trying to say is- this leaves very little grounds for reviewing. All I can really tell you is, go watch it! It's good...unless your a huge Tim Blake fan...



P.S. We just had our library membership renewed! So maybe I'll read the book and then write a whole post about how it is and isn't like the movie. I've read the book, but it was a long time ago and all I remember is that Stanley was fat.

P.P.S. You see how boring the reviews are when the movie is good?

Sickness, The Worst Way To Die.

I really want to blog right now, and I should, it's a perfectly logical thing to do. Because I, dear people, am sick. I woke up this morning with a headache, after having dreams off and on that I was alone with the girls in the car trying to find a way home. I had more then a headache- my limbs and back are aching, to the point were I can't even really move them (typing, once you achieve the right angle, does not require use of arms, just fingers) and I have a really painful cough that feels like it will make me throw up. Mom had planned to go out tonight, which is horrible because I've been begging her to do something out of the house so me and my sisters can have a sleepover, and I will probably miss school tomorrow. In other words, my day is not going desirably, and now I am stuck desperately trying to think up a blog post because it's the only thing left for me to do. I've been looking through my drafts, trying to get an idea, but the thing about blog posts is you have to be in a certain state of mind when you write them, and I feel like the blob at the moment, so I can't really pick up the energetic thought trains of any of my other posts. But before I complain further, I would like to thank all of you for commenting on my last blog post, seven is the most comments I think I have had since I started blogging again in like 2009. (OK, so half those comments are mine, there were still a lot) I feel a little better now, so maybe I'll get up and watch "The Dick Van Dyke" show in the living-room. Or maybe I'll just have another biscuit and watch "The Andy Griffith" show on TV land.com. So this has just been a gloomy, boring update of a post with no witticism whatsoever, but at least I feel secure in the fact that you all enjoyed the last one. Better post coming (hopefully) soon!

P.S. Oh right, that title. Well I could go on for hours, but really, think about it- a slow, painful death in which you hurt internally. It's not near as funny as it sounds but very true. And why the picture of the Blob? The world will never know...

P.P.S. Mom is very nice. She made me a biscuit and a smoothie and she says that I don't have to do the dishes and she's willing to let me stay in bed and miss her dinner-trip. I love my Aunty Em!