A Fifteen-Year-Old's Graph of Film Nior Entertainment

Hi again.

I have to apologize for the fact that this is all the introduction your going to get right now. If I were in the "blogging mood" I'd be able to think up a whole post and not a measly little diagram.

So...I was cleaning the kitchen today, thinking about whether I was going to watch "Secret Agent" or "A Night In Casablanca" when it came to me- how a fifteen year old girl in a modern society can be so entertained by thing films that were created for a completely different audience. What is it about old movies in contrast to new ones that make me so interested? Is it just that film was better done, better acted, better made? Timelessness that I'm rediscovering? If all the fifteen-year-olds in the world were exposed to good old films, would it become the new phenomenon? Or is it some taste of mine that makes me like old movies so much? I decided to try and solve the riddle of appeal in old movies by illustrating and examining my own tastes. Here I have a graph I constructed of the things that make me laugh out loud V.S. the things that bore me, or make me sad or make me snicker with cheesiness. I hope at least some of this is understandable. You'll need to click on this in order to read it;

Well I don't think that helped at all.

But at least now I have a nice, illustrated, somewhat scary view of the way my mind works concerning old movies.

If you need a memory jogger, here are the movies I used in formulating these observations. From right;

1.The Maltese Falcon
2. The Maltese Falcon and Casablanca and everything else he's in.
3. Arsenic and Old Lace
4.Dead End
5. Arsenic and old Lace
6. The Maltese Falcon again
7. Tea for Two and Casablanca
8. The Man Who Knew Too Much, Secret Agent
9. To Be Or Not To Be
10. The Inspector General, White Christmas
11. The Inspector General, White Christmas

At some time in the far-fetched future I plan to actually review one of these films that I keep hinting about watching. Mmm...movie reviewing. I should try that some time, shouldn't I?

Let Me "Borrow" a Little of Your Time (tee-hee)

Hi.

I'm not doing a darn thing right now so I figured I would blog for you. Your welcome ;)

With that confident attitude, I launch into a post that is about two weeks overdue. But that is so not what I'm here to write about. I'm here to write about that stupid pun, and by that I mean I'm here to review "The Borrowers", hence that stupid pun that I used in the title as a warning sign, a red flag for your brain to encounter and ask itself, do I really want to read this?

Anyway, I'm glad you threw caution to the wind and decided to read anyway, because today I have a treat for you.
I rented the borrowers nearly two weeks ago, under the pretense that if it was good I could write about it and if it was bad I could rant about it. What I discovered was that I couldn't even watch it. Now I know what your thinking...this is the person who can watch a Littles episode at least 27 times without having an aneurism. I watched Squirm and still managed to giggle thirty minutes in. I even sat through most of Space Jam. If I can't watch it man, no one can.
But that's not what I mean when I say I couldn't get through the Borrowers. I Just didn't have the attention span, or the time. I know it makes me a lazy reviewer, but with a trip to NC coming up, moving soon, and a symposium on the way, I really gotta cut my losses, and frankly, The Borrowers started out kind of slow. So while I was thinking about how I'm slop compared to Roger Ebert, I got the bright idea. "Didn't I rent this movie for the kids anyway? Don't I review kids movies according to how well kids like them?" So instead of racking my poor central nervous system for witty things to say about a film I didn't even watch, I let my little sisters "guest star" on my blog, which they were thrilled to do.

So please put your peebles together for our guest reviewers!!

First up is Isabel, who is 8 years old, loves Scooby Doo and the Littles, and has some kind of caffeine complex that gives her unbridled, unfailing resorts of energy. In other words, she's really, really hyper. This is how I think a conventional magazine interview works, but I probably wouldn't know since I only read one a long, long time ago.
It was Brendan Fraser.
Talking about the Mummy.
I love the Mummy.

(Me) "Hey Izzy, what did you think of the Borrowers?"
(Iz)"I thought it was really really good. Are you writing down everything I say?
(Me) "What did you think of the characters?"
(Iz) "I thought it was good, I thought it had good animation. Really, are you writing down all the words I say?"
(Me)"Uhm...it wasn't animated."
(Iz)"Oh. I know- it was real life, but I liked how they made them very small."
(Me)"Oh, OK. Anything else?"
(Iz) "Well...I kind of didn't like 'Greenpea'. The name. I didn't like the name."
(Me) "Is that all you want to say about it?"
(Iz) "Yeah. But about the Little's book. Tell them I LOVED the Littles book. I want you to read more today!!!"

The conversation was becoming off-topic so I instead presented the question to Esther, who is five, likes about the same things as Isabel, and is about the cutest person in the universe.

(Me) "I'm gonna ask what you think about the Borrowers. What did you think?"
(Es)"I can't remember."
(Me)"You can't remember anything about it?"
(Es) "Well...they fell out of their car...the boy started finding them. A guy dug a hole inside their wall cause' they moved. They fell out of the car. They borrow stuff."
(Me)"Uhm...did you like the characters any?"
(Es)"Mm-hhm, I liked the girl one. the two boy ones and their father and their mom, I liked all of them. Two boys and two girls. Five of them."
(Me)"Ok...was it like the Littles any?"
(Es)"Yeah! Like they used those helmets like...those nuts for helmets. They got lost. Because they fell out of the car. This hurts, Locksley this really hurts. Its really tight. Look at my finger! It's got a bow on it."
(Me)"OK, well thanks for your help. Anything to say in conclusion?"
(Es)"Yes, something about Looney tunes. We watched the first movie of bugs bunny, the first one. Would you read your whole copy to me?"
(Me) My first copy of what?"
(Es) "Of this! Duuuuhhh...."
(Me)"Go watch your Littles, Esther."
(Es) "I don't want to. I don't want to see Dinky get eaten."
(Me)"Bye Esther."

Again, the topic drifted. Then I consulted film expert Naomi, who is aged three, enjoys Wonderpets and Backyardigans, and if anyone could equal Esther in cuteness....

(Me)"Naomi, what did you think of the Borrowers?"
(N) "What?"
(Me) "The Borrowers, do you remember?"
(N) "OH! The borrowers are stealers. They steal...toys!! It's a famous movie."
(Me) "Are they like the Littles?"
(N) "Yes."
(Me) "How?"
(N) "Cause they got...tail! Wait, they not got tails. They got tails! Borrowers got toys they can play with!"
(Me) Here's a Picture of them, remember?"
(N) "Yes. Dose ones are catchered!"
(Me)"Do you want to watch their movie again?"
(N) "No."
(Me) "Why not?"
(N) "Just kidding!"
(Me) "So you want to watch it again?"
(N) "Yes."
(Me) "Why?"
(N) "Cause get a video of it!!"


I tried eleven-year-old Ruby, who entered the room and tried to dress in peace.

(Me) "Ruby, what did you think of the Borrowers?"
(R) "Uhm...uh, it was a cute movie."
(Me)""Anything else?"
(R) Uhm..it...was...cre-a-tive. I guess, sorta- but it was a funny movie. Well...cute, anyway."
(Me) "Is that all?"
(R) "Mm-hmm."
(Me) "Oh come on!"
(R) "Look, I got no pants on, all right?"

So, instead of wrapping up with a deep, philosophical view of the universe. (Cause I normally do that , remember?) I'll leave you with those three adorable girl's views. Not that Ruby isn't' adorable or anything, but you know....Mom's only observation about it was that it had some cussing, so you should definitely keep that in mind. And there I leave you. Remember: God is good, getting catchered is bad, and hair-bows on your finger hurt A LOT.

P.S. Looky! I figured out how to put pictures on the other side!!!

P.P.S. Ugga ugga boo ugga boo boo ugga!!

........Ruby will get it........

Two Incredibly, Amazingly and Pathetically Awesome Things

I really shouldn't be posting right now...

A. Because of guilt that I haven't reviewed "The Borrowers" yet.

B. Because I don't actually have the time.

But I am doing it anyway because Ah'm a rebel, and I have two awesome things to show you.

This, was under my teacher's facebook page as "One of the Seventeen Funniest Things You Will Ever See In Your Life. Ever." and teacher knows best, the title says it all.

And this is a link to a rockin'-awesome new blog a good friend of mine put up (I'd give her the glory but I think she likes being unanimous) Give em' a look!

Three's a Charm: A Really Long, But Hopefully Helpful Review of Three Children's Movies

This is sort of an apology. Sort of. I meant to watch the Dead End Kids last night, I really did. I as even going to write it on my arm but I have been banned from all the sharpie markers in the house under pain of death by my Father. I don't blame him, he pays good money for them. Besides, he's not here often and I know where they are.
Anyway, I didn't watch it. I watched Doctor Who: A Christmas Carol instead. At first I as thinking "What will I tell the people who read my blog, I didn't review the Dead End Kids! And then I realized, why should I answer to you folks? Am I gonna let a few blog-readers control my life?

The answer is yes. I LOVE YOU ALL AND I'M SORRY I WAS SO NEGLIGENT...!!!

So tonight after I write this review I will make myself some popcorn, cozy up on our couch, gather my extremely poor attention span and watch it. I promise. For now, I am going to give you parent/babysitter/older sibling types a comparison of the kids movies I've seen recently, because sadly, that's all I've watched this week. But since I've been sick, and my ability to entertain myself by 'riffing' these films, thereby watching the whole thing with my sisters has made me the most awesome person in the world to them, it's all cool. So here they are. Bear in mind that these are not ones I chose to represent the categories of good, bearable and worse but simply ones I watched this week and an therefore sort of categorized that way. Off we go!


1. Fantasia 2000

By far it is unfair to include this one in the mix because ask any simpleton on the streets and it is a no brainier. Of course this movie is the best of the three! You don't even have to scroll down and look at the other two to decide that. Fantasia has been appraised by critics and parents for years, but here is the real question; will the kids like it? I think they will. Most people think that kids today would be bored of classical music since most of the current children's shows incorporate rock/pop riffs into their programs. I don't think that has anything to do with it. First of all, classical is still music- currently popular or not, it still has melody and rhythm and can invoke emotion. Besides, Fantasia and Fantasia 2000's idea was to incorporate music with visual images, so it keeps attention without the Hannah Montana.
In other words, your kid doesn't have to listen to Beethoven to enjoy it, but two things should be kept in mind- one, that as much as I think it's a great one to have in the home, it's really not something that will mesmerize when you want an instant-attention-capturerer. Also, for some reason Disney studios decided it would be a great idea to end the Fantasia movies...both of them...with a dark, scary creep-fest of a number that is supposed to represent "Heaven and Hell". In the 1940 version it's such a mellow-dramatic thing we don't even let the kids watch it. In the 2000 version it's far more do-able, but it still made Naomi go into hysterics and demand that I make the burnt forest grow back. It's a gorgeous, dazzling masterpiece of a film and no amount of over-glorification will ever ruin it for me....In other words, yes I recommend it because it's an awesome movie and a great way to expose your kids to some impressive classical music....or maybe put them to sleep. Whichever comes first ;)










2. The Littles; Here Come the Littles


Bet you could have seen this one coming, couldn't you?

And no, I'm not going to talk about the complicated inner-dynamics of a show I've watched WAY to much of for my own mental health, nor am I going to use this paragraph for some well-practiced Dinky bashing....instead I'm gonna actually sit and write a nice helpful review like a nice helpful adult person who has no earthly idea what Mr. and Mrs. Little's first names are.

Like I said, Fantasia really does not deserve to be in the list because it is one of those critically acclaimed, five-star children's films that cost $20.00 on DVD, whereas this one and the next are (literally) the kind of thing you can watch for free on the Netflix instant queue. But still, twenty buckaroos are hard to come by these days, so who can tell which is more helpful? Here Come The Littles ranks as only a fraction of an inch above average on the "straight to video kids movies from the 80's and 90's" scale. Its for an age group somewhere between the sappy, annoying Land Before Time series and below the freaky over-emotional Secret of Nihm. (Yes, thank you. I know I am acquainted with far to many children's movies.) But unless you have fond...very fond....childhood memories there's not a whole lot for adults, which for a plus means the humor is squeaky clean. Another plus is the good examples of the children- Tom and Lucy (unlike many other sister/brother pairings fictional and non fictional I could name) don't hate or fight with each other, don't smart off to their parents, and wash their hands before every meal. So maybe your kids won't come away with brilliant ideas about saving the world, but they won't learn a new cuss word either.

But if you happen to be a tall, clumsy fifteen-year-old who plays with her siblings a lot, do yourself and your self-esteem a favor and don't let them watch it. I have my reasons.



3. The Missing Lynx



Last and least on our list is another from the very annoying bowels of Netflix's over-glorified collection of freebies- a dragging, bore-you-to-death hour and a half of weird over-done environmentalist ideas about caged animals coupled with chunky video game graphics for animation. It starts out slow, and then just when you it's gonna get exciting....it gets slower. The plot drags like four tons of molasses running uphill in January, and yet, my little sisters were so captivated they watched it twice. And then it was promptly forgotten. As far as I know (in truth I missed several scenes due to a headache and severe boredom) it is family-friendly and mostly clean, with mild scatterings of crude humor. Oh, and it has annoying British/Australian accents for all the characters. Normally I would praise a movie for fun foreign accents, (have I mentioned I love Doctor Who??) but these are far from fun- the slow, deliberate dialects of every single voice makes the dialogue seem as leadenly lethargic as the plot.

So there you have a nice overview and recommendation order for three movies. If your really serious about finding a movie for the family to watch together, go out and pay your mo-nay for Fantasia 2000 and it'll be worth it. If your just looking for something cheap for kids night, go with the Littles. And if you don't give a Peebles what they watch because your not going to be in there- The Missing Lynx is the movie for you......r kids.



P.S. Sorry again about the Dead End Kids. During the production of this post I discovered that the movie I actually want to rent is the first of a series. The official name is Dead End and it stars Humphrey Bogart as a gangster who comes back to the slums of New York where he was from and ends up leading a group of street children astray. I rented it from Netflix and it should be here soon, along with The Borrowers. Await with bated breath oh faithful readers!!


P.S. I realized with horror today that my last post not only lacked a photo of Porky Pig but included one of Dinky Little. So to make up for that and prevent future problems;







Ain't He CUTE, folks...?!!