Mr. Chicken And Some Book Reviews

Ok, ok, ok-

Were back today with a few book reviews. When I put Jonathan's (he graciously allowed me to use his real name) post up the other day, I meant to quickly write up a snappy review of the three books I told you about to go along with it. However since nothing get's done quickly around here I was forced to just forget the whole thing, three days after I told Jonathan he could look for his post on my blog. So now I'm back, with a cute little 60's horror/comedy feature and three semi-short/long reviews.


1. Child Star, by Shirley Temple Black. (Yes, that little Shirley Temple with a Black added to her name)

Beginning with the first chapter, a detailed, informative, and interesting look at her birth, parents, and beginnings in show-business (at the age of three!). It then moves on to talk about her career in show-business, fellow actors and actresses, directors, agents etc. I'm making this review short because I didn't get too far in this book, in part I think because Shirley Temple was never one of those people I really took and interest in and her book doesn't seem to mention any of them, and also- her attitude as she gets farther on begins looking...cynical. How could you expect anything more? The girl has been working in the twisted world of Hollywood since the tender age of three, sure she entertained America during the depression, but she also had her childhood stolen away from her by a whirlwind career that ended in her teens.
Bottom Line; I can't say anything about age-appropriateness because like I said, I didn't go beyond her paramount and Warner brother days, and there very well may have been some gritty incidents as she got older, I just wouldn't know. Its a good look at what it was really like for her; and that was tough. I guess my biggest complaint is that nothing about her career is really remembered in fondness, not that I expected any.

Gracie; A Love Story by George Burns

Putting this one up next to the Shirley Temple just isn't fair, there was no possible way I wouldn't like this book. not only because George Burns was a funny man with a good sense of humor, but his wife was Gracie Allen and his two best friends were Jack Benny and Harpo Marx (coincidentally, those happen to be two of my most favoritest people in the world). So yes, I enjoyed it thoroughly. I would put the kid rating at like 13 and up or depending on what parents say- not that Burns is being unnecessarily crude, just honest, and it was written more for adults anyway. The cussing factor however is surprisingly low for a biography/autobiography written in the 80's. I want to give you a little snippet of the stories he tells, so here is my favorite, when he's talking about tricking his best friend Jack Benny;


"Another thing I admired about Jack Benny was that he thought I was the funniest man in the world. I could make him laugh so hard that he would literally fall down and pound the floor with his fist. Obviously, that was very embarrassing to him, so I tried to do it only when we were in public. Then I would tell people not to be concerned, he was only having a fit...

The worst thing I ever did to him took place at a party at his house. It was a lovely party, there were about one hundred fifty people there, and everybody seemed to be having a good time. But Jack took me aside and said nervously, "I don't the party's moving." "Sure it's moving," I told him. "Everybody's talking and drinking." He actually started to get angry. "I'm in show business to you know. I know if a party's not moving. This one isn't." What could I do? Tell him to take his pants off and put on a stupid hat? Absolutely. "You want to liven it up a little," I said, "here's what you do: go upstairs and take off your pants, put on one of Mary's big hats, then come downstairs in your shorts playing your violin." That appealed to him, "You think that'll make the party move?" "Oh yeah, sure." What else could I say? Trust me? Me?

As soon as Jack went upstairs I got everybody's attention and said "In a few minutes Jack is going to be coming downstairs in his shorts, wearing one of Mary's hats and playing the violin. When he does, don't pay any attention to him, Just ignore him completely." A few minutes later Jack appeared at the top of the stairs, wearing his shorts and one of Mary's wide-brimmed hats, playing the violin." And everyone ignored him. It took him only a few minutes to realize he was dressed in his underwear and a woman's hat, playing the violin and being ignored by one hundred fifty people. and then he realized I'd done it to him again. Jack pounded the floor. When he got his breath, he looked at me and said "NOW the party's moving."

Bottom line, I loved this book.

The last book on the list is Audrey Hepburn; An Elegant Spirit, written by her son, possibly the only not-adopted kid in Hollywood, Sean Hepburn Ferrer.

It's really more of a scrapbook than an autobiography, with plenty of glossy, full-scale pictures with helpful captions. Her son paints a brief but emotional image of her life and then moves on to talk about her as a person for the rest of the book. Lots of time is spent examining her: what kind of person she was, what kind of mother, wife, actress, etc. And I'll give you a little hint; he has nothing but good things to say about her. It's a nice book if your looking to find out what she was like as a person, but not a very helpful biography. A complete G-rating on this one.


Finished! Hooray! We've accomplished something! So on the subject of auto-biographies, I may as well tell you that I didn't find the one I really wanted. It's called Barney Fife and Other Characters I Have Known. Take a wild guess who wrote that one. The title somehow even sounds like it was said in his voice. Anyway, after watching a lot of TAGS and hearing that it's an essential in biographies department I was disappointed at not finding it. And so while were on the subject of Don Knotts (aren't I great at linking things up?) let us move on to our movie;





I love glossy old movie posters that just say it all for you.

This movie was never a classic and you may not have heard of it, but it's certainly nothing new to me. My dearest great-grandmother has been a fan of Don Knotts for years, and watching his collection of movies in her well carpeted living-room brings back many fond memories. However, I cut no movie any slack (even if it has the words 'Marx brother' or 'Muppet' in it! ). So where to begin? I think that the place the writers began was Don Knotts. It's first grade: if your going to have a movie in which your title character does a copious amount of freaking out, get Don Knotts. There's never been a better freaker-outer in the business. Can you imagine getting to write a movie for Don Knotts? It would be incredibly easy;
"OK, so what's the plot so far?"
"Well there's this haunted house."
"Ooh that's great! That's great."
"Yeah, and he has to spend the night in it."
"Why?"
"I dunno..we'll figure that out later. OK, so he's in front of the house..."
"And I guy pops out of the bushes!"
">laughs hysterically< Can you imagine his face?"
"OK, so then he goes into the house..."
"How? It has to be some funny way."
"He falls through a coal chute!"
"Awesome!"
"Then a phonograph starts playing!"
"Yeah, and then we do some mirror gag...."
"And the ghost starts playing the organ!
"Great!"


See what I mean? The majority of Knott's is acting skills in this movie...and for that matter most of his others....rely not his ability to say lines or portray emotion but to find a way to react hilariously to cornucopia of scary situations. Not that this makes him any less of a great comedian, but it does say something for this movie; and that is that brilliant original writing is not it's strong point. This plot has all the perfect elements of a "Barney Fife becomes a reporter" storyline.
I mean, it's inevitable that a guy like Don Knotts is going to be stuck playing the same kind of character in every film, so it's not the fact that there is virtually no difference between Luther Heggs from this story to any of the other characters he plays. Jim Nabors once said he asked Don how he managed to be so funny, and he replied "Well it helps to look like I do." Whether you slap the title Luther Heggs, Barney Fife, Mr. Limpet, Alexander Figg or whatever on him, he's always gonna be Don Knotts. Long story short, character development was not a problem for these people.

So what else is left? Plot, characters...music? OK, well that wasn't a problem either.The makers of this film apparently decided that the audience would either be busy studying Don Knott's facial expressions or kissing (this was the swingin' 60's) by thirty minutes into the movie, and no one would bother their sweet little heads about music. Well I, as an amateur movie reviewer did: and realized that it consisted of one tune, consisting of two notes, which sounded almost identical to the opening credits of The Addams Family which is played repetitively during the entire film. Yes, in case you wondering, it gets quite aggravating around the middle of the movie.

As far as other actors go, there isn't much to brag about. There's that guy who looks like a neanderthal who plays Sam's husband on Bewitched, an Irish fella who looks really familiar but whom I can't seem to place, and...other people. Oh, and I almost forgot, (and this is a plot spoiler) in the end, thirty-something Don Knotts gets to marry gorgeous model Joan Staley.
("Atta boy Luther!") Did I mention this movie was Don's personal favorite??



So anyway, bottom line; This, despite all the problems I just underlined, is a cute, moderately funny little movie that I'm sure anyone ages 6-11 would enjoy. My 8-year-old sister has watched it three times already, and that music is really starting to grate about now. It might be just slightly scary for littler kids (there's an invisible organ-playing ghost and a stabbed portrait, just judge for yourself) but it's doubtful anyone is going to be terrified.

So anyway, thanks for a long belated listen.





P.S. My class just started back, so from now, consider that an acceptable excuse for my long bouts of absence from this blog.

P.P.S. Anyone know of a good Christian/homeschooler magazine that takes submissions from teen unknowns? Thanks!

Prorogation, Morotorium, and the Little Weirdo

Hello.

I have crawled back out of the abyss of its-not-a-famous-movie-star's-birthdayness, still lacking that promised post about the Marx brothers...in fact, lacking any kind of post by me at all...

BUT DON'T LEAVE!

However, in the nick of time, my good friend...whom I sort of forgot to ask if he wanted his name broadcast all over the internet so from now on we'll call him by his pen-name, The Little Weirdo, has written us a paradisaical analysis of one of those movies I am constantly hearing about but never actually go to see. (This is why I am writing in bold font, so that you know the difference) AND SO!!!! Without further ado I present the Little Weirdo and his thoroughly enlightening analysis of Thor;

When you walk into the theater and prepare yourself to see THOR, the flashing logo of MARVEL COMICS will present itself in the opening credits. MARVEL has created many characters we know as superheroes. Wolverine, Super-Man, and the like, they all seem to go along a basic stereotype: the dashing, brave, and gallant hero, a defender of justice, coming to the aid of all the damsels in distress. Thor, however, brakes away from this stereotype, in more ways then one.

Thor and THOR.

For those of you that don’t know, the original THOR comic was based on Thor, the Norse god of (Wikipedia lists them off) “thunder, lightning, storms, oak trees, strength, destruction, fertility, healing, and the protection of mankind.” However, (as Thor’s father Odin explains in a brief prologue) Thor, Odin, Loki and all the rest are not gods; they are aliens. Aliens, which came to assist the human race when the evil ice-giants attacked. (When I say “aliens”, I don’t mean little green people; they all look exactly like humans, except their attire is that of 2000 years ago.)

Now, this storyline may seem rather absurd, or even ludicrous. But I’d like to see you try and take a pagan religion from two millennium ago a turn it into a superhero movie. And besides: THOR is not about the ice-giants attacking us petty mortals, it is about Thor’s character, and how it develops; which turns out to be quite a compelling story.

Super…hero?

Peter Parker (protagonist in the movie “Spider-Man”) is a good example of stereotype superhero: He’s a nice guy, but has few friends at high school, can’t seem to charm a girl, and his general social life is down the tubes. Then, one day, he gets bitten by a radioactive spider, and Bang! Zap! He has super-strength; he can climb up walls, and shoot webs out of his hands. Fortune has struck him at last, and he dedicates his life to the protection of the citizens of New York.

It is almost a complete opposite scenario in Thor’s case.

Thor starts of as the famed son of Odin, the king of an alien kingdom (known as Asgard) light year away for our galaxy. Unfortunately for the audience, he is proud, arrogant, naïve, and foolish. After attacking enemy forces against his father’s will, Odin casts him out of Asgard to live among the mortals of the earth, and learn humility. When Thor arrives and finds that his powers have left him, he sets out on a quest to regain them, not knowing that Odin has made it so Thor will need more than muscle to regain his...um…godhood? This is unusual for a superhero movie, but it is cool that it’s when the protagonist loses his powers, that he starts to look the part of a hero. To make matters more interesting, Thor is on a time limit; his younger bother, Loki, sees Thor’s banishment as a chance to kill his father, and seize the throne.

Now for the bread and butter:

Storyline: 8.5/10

You’ll have to suspend you’re disbelief a bit, but other than that, it’s intriguing.

Storytelling: 9/10

This is done in possibly my favorite way; we start in the middle, (Thor’s arrival on earth) then we go back to the beginning, and finally get carried forward to the end.

Script: 7/10

not superb, but descent enough. It’s fun to have Thor’s ridiculous old-English styled lines mixed in with the confused, modern day American ones. (it is, however, riddled with a few swears and blasphemies)

Characters and character development: 9.5/10

I forgot to mention that Thor picked up some human friends while down here among us, these do not disappoint. Character development lends itself mostly to Thor, but does so very well.

Cinematography: 9/10

No particular shot comes to mind that takes one’s breath away, but even so the camerawork is excellent.

Conclusion:

THOR has much to offer in those 115 minutes. It is interesting and quite exiting to see it betraying the general superhero stereotype. In other words: Thor is not a good superhero movie, it is, however, an excellent sci-fi/ fantasy movie.

8.5/10

Although Peter Lorre and Porky Pig have made them self scarce, Thor is proof that them old movie-makers have still got it.

Amen brother, Amen. If only they would bring back Porky. Or maybe dress up Porky like Peter Lorre in "Mr. Moto" and then we'd have them both;

Well now I'm sorry you had to see that. I don't know what came over me. Thank you again J...uh...Little Weirdo, I'm off to be lazy again!

Happy Birthday Lucille Ball

A hideously un-original title post, but perhaps we'll get some traffic from the people clicking on google today?

Don't get to excited to see this blog post up, because no, I have not been planning a "Lucy's Birthday Blog Bash" for a week. Actually, I just clicked on my Google and saw it there. Very sad, I know. I brag about knowing the names of Humphrey Bogart's parents, Peter Lorre's wives, and Marx Brother's elementary school, but I don't even remember Lucille Ball's birthday. I hang my head in shame.

So what can I tell you? That Lucille Ball is amazing? Certainly. But you probably already knew it. I often call "I Love Lucy" my "connection point" when I want to talk to people about classic television/movies, the subject I'm most versed in besides Volkswagen. Because, obviously, everyone loves Lucy. I'll give you a few facts about it first off; Lucy and Ricky were really married. They tied the knot in 1940, when Ricky was an up-and-coming bandleader. At the time Lucy was already the popular star of "My Favorite Husband", basically the I Love Lucy of radio days but without Ricky, Ethel and Fred to round out the cast. Preparing to bring the popular show to television, Lucy asked if the part could be played by her real life husband. The producers refused, saying that the television audience would never except a "Latino-type" like him. Irked, Lucy quit the show, and with their own out-of-pocket money they started I Love Lucy, predicted to end within one season, it has been on the air now for 61 years.

Why do people love Lucy? Easy. Slightly homely, dizzy, cocky, but well meaning and hilarious, and most of all behind that act of vanity it's easy to spot a very real, down-to-earth woman. Having worked hard to prove herself a good actress (Her drama coach at the academy told her she had absolutely no future as a performer) Her natural comedic talents managed to make the standard 1950's dumb-housewife formula an unforgettable icon for the often-lost patience and unconditional love of American marriage.

And did I read any of that on some other blog or tribute site? Absolutely not. No sarcasm intended.

So I sign off. If I had known today was her birthday I might have looked extra hard for her biography yesterday at the library, but instead I picked up Child Star by Shirley Temple Black, Gracie; A Love Story by George Burns and Audrey Hepburn, An Elegant Spirit by Sean Hepburn Ferrer. I'll keep you posted how they are.

So in conclusion, if you wanna make yourself happy, find some I Love Lucy on T.V. and watch it. It's still on, and if the Lord be willing, it'll be on for my kid's to watch too.

P.S. I love her for all the above mentioned reason, but she also appeared with some of my favorite people;


P.S.S. I, sadly, cannot watch I Love Lucy as we have no cable. Actually now, when I realize that the last thing I saw Lucy in was "Room Service", is the only time I've ever regretted that fact. Go figure.

No Time For Seargents or Contests or Blue Mushrooms

I absolutely hate obligation.

Obligation turns normal, happy teenagers into huddled masses of self-loathing goo, to lazy and perfectionist to actually fulfill the said torturer, and yet unable to enjoy life and laziness because of the ever-present looming task. Never mind, I take all that back. I actually like blogging.

Heat, heat, heat. Gotta love this over-one-hundred degree heat we get here in the south! I tried playing "Sunshine on my Shoulders" by John Denver, but the meaning was kind of lost since it's actually party cloudy here, so it's more muggy and humid then sunny. I'm enjoying it thoroughly though, because yesterday night, a big ugly spider was seen under my bed and got away, and I wouldn't get back in the bed for two hours and even then I slept with horrible nightmares and cold-chills. So now, I like to believe that this spider who thinks he's all big and bad because he got away like that, is shriveling up and dying somewhere because his small hairy body can't take the 100 degree temperatures.

I believe in seeing the bright side of every situation, and that's about the only one there is.

And here I am without a Marx brothers post still (and please don't let that make you think I have something awesome planned, cause' I don't) I just thought I'd drop in and give you my opinion on the little feature I saw last night, a completely un-nostalgic war piece called "No Time For Sergeants".


*UPDATE*
This post was written at least six days ago, in that time, I've done absolutely nothing to help the world and humanity. And I still didn't finish any blog post. I believe in being honest as well as optimistic. I am a wonderful person.

Your movie today features Andy Griffith, young and curly headed, as a barefooted backwoods boy who gets drafted into the air force. Some guy named Nick Adams (who looks like a mix between Woody Allen and Don Knotts, and manages to be more annoying then the latter could ever dream of being) plays his friend Benjamin Whitledge, a nerd who also get drafted into the air force but wants to be in the infantry. As Wikipedia will tell you, in real life, the air force doesn't have an infantry. Just a cute little plot-loop I thought I'd bring up. But anyway, his obnoxious little friend wants to go, complaining that "In the Civil war, it was the infantry that did the fighting." A very interesting argument, especially since airplanes weren't invented yet. Aren't plot-loops fun? As you can probably tell, I didn't like that guy much. Anyway, goodhearted Will sets out to get them both transferred, which leads us to the second bad point about this (the first being his whiny sidekick); the plot starts halfway through the movie.

Also contributing is Myron McCormic, who I've never seen before, but God bless him. He looks like some kind of fish. He plays a Sergeant who's near-retirement is shattered by our dim-witted hero. I'd give you the rest of the plot but...that's it, basically. Some movies keep you guessing about the plot because they move to fast; this one does the opposite. It confuses you with the "Wait, we've been watching this for two hours? But nothing's happened! What in the world are they going to do in the rest of the movie?" I'll try summing it up this way, plot-point by plot-point;

1. Idiot get's drafted into the army.
2. Idiot meets nerd-friend.
3. Sun glass-wearing mean guy picks on idiot and nerd-friend (I suppose this plot would have worked equally well in a high-school setting?)
4. Very long, but admittedly funny bathroom joke that kills at least twenty minutes of film.
5. Other stuff happens.
6. More stuff.
7. the movie ends.

Sorry about that.

It could have been helpful or funny, but like I said I'm battling a sever case of the lazy. Let that be no reflection on the movie OR this blog.

Or numbered lists, which rock.

So on to analysis, the whole premise of this movie centers around the fact that Will Stockdale (Andy Griffith) is suppose to be as dumb as it is hot outside, which is an illusion I find hard to fall into after watching him play the wise old sheriff of a country town for as long as I can remember. Then there are other flaws, like the hopelessly un-likable complainer of a sidekick who is supposedly the smart one of the bunch, and the fact that it portrays nearly every other member of the air force and draft board as mean and corrupt. There was a refreshing cameo by Don Knotts, even though it wouldn't have been a cameo since he had no real career until the Andy Griffith show. I can tell you without looking on Wiki that Andy Griffith had something to do with his small role in the movie. The two were palls, and there would never have been any kind of Barney Fife at all if, a few weeks before shooting started on the Andy Griffith show, Don Knotts hadn't called up his friend to practically beg for a part. (Mr. Bird says I should run next years course on "Early 20'th century pop culture, just sayin') It's a funny little piece but it doesn't last long, and can't really save the movie which spends way too much of it's time building up for jokes that, funny as they are, aren't really worth the wait.

So it's not on my favorite movie list, but if your either a big fan of Andy Griffith or Don Knotts (who's film debut this is) It is of course recommended.


So moving on, I thought while we were all waiting for me to get off my lazy posterior I'd treat you to a little contest. Remember I said nothing could be cuter then movie stars with kids? I thought of something cuter; movie stars as kids! I saw them do this on Disney channel once, except that you will have to deal with grainy old black and white photos, of which I only found a few, for the obvious reasons that movie star's kids would get a heck of a lot more press then kid's before they were movie stars. Your job is to try and guess who's who, and comment with your best idea.I can't promise a prize but I do have a darn cool blue mushroom I found in the woods if you win. Here are your photo's;

1. This one is impossible, and not because the actor isn't well known, try not to think of "small, sweet and vulnerable.."


2. I'll let the prop in the photo speak for itself... 3. This is a girl, if you can't tell. When I who it is you'll laugh that you ever asked that.


4. Hasn't changed much at all, especially hair.

5. Now that I think about it and compare photos, this one hasn't really changed much either. The girl in the background does not matter.

6. It is important to note that both boys are famous.



7. I'll let you figure it out yourself, but look carefully at the face.


And there you have it. I hope my insipid little comments helped a little. Write in with your best guess if you think you know it and by 5:00 tomorrow I will leave a comment with all the names.



P.S. It should also be helpful to note that most of the people on here were featured with their kids in the last post, but you probably figured that out.

P.P.S. It took so long to write this I have no PPS. Enjoy going without, be glad you don't feel obligated to write for yourself everyday.

Just kidding! Keep commenting, keep me obligated!

Father's Day Film Nior Style!

I know it is not father's day anymore. Seriously, did you expect me to spend father's day on my laptop writing odes to you people when I could be spending time with my Dad? Sheesh!

Just for that, I decided to wait a week to give you your blog post.

So anyway, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! I labored long and hard trying to come up with a good idea about what to do to make it a special occasion on this blog, something I don't often do. How do you make classic movies and father's day fit in together? Recommend a good movie about fathers and children? Give free copies of somebody's biography written by their kid? Finally it occurred to me, movie stars are people too, and most of them had kids at some point. What on Earth could be cuter then collected photographs of movie stars and their kids?

So whether you agree or not, that's the agenda, but first I'd like to say a few words about my Dad;

"There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
After the ride
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger."

That's actually a limerick. It's a five-line poem, and so far this is the worst Father's day tribute ever. So here is Naomi to tell you what she thinks of Dad;

"Uhm..he tickles! He is a tickle guy! He tickle us! I love him!"

Esther said; "Daddy is a goober head...Daddy is MY FAVORITE IN THE WORLD next to Bumbo. Actually...Bumbo is next to daddy." (Bumbo is a sock-puppet operated by Ruby)

Isabel said "Say...uhm...that he leaves his socks everywhere, he's a goober and I love him. And he is really really really weird. In a cosmic sort of way."

Ruby; "I love him very much and he's a great father and I love going fishing with him."

I love him very very much to. He is crazy, awesome, smart, funny and an expert on every nerdy little thing I could ask for. Nobody can be the perfect father, but in absolute honesty my Dad is the closest I've seen. He is an awesome Dad, a great friend and the best illustration for self-improvement and leadership in my life.

But sometimes, just sometimes, he reminds me very much of Mr. Krabs;

On we push, we can't all have my dad, so let's "aww" over some movie stars kid's shall we?

And so, in honor of Father's day, I present a father-themed celebration film-nior style by giving you guys a bunch of pictures of the movie stars I cover often here with their children, because as I said, nothing is cuter than movie stars with babies. Some of the pictures are pretty small but I was able to get most of the information about them from Wikipedia; I hope you enjoy and comment to tell me the cutest picture, somebody else you'd like me to look up, etc.

First off we have Bing Crosby with his wife and his two sons Nathaniel and Gary, probably sometime in the late 50's;

Then, to make things a little scary, Boris Karloff welcomes his first and only daughter Sara into the world, about November 23, 1938;

I should probably put the Marx brothers in their own post since I found several photos with them, these first two are Groucho with his youngest daughter Melinda (for some unknown reason all the Marx's daughters had names beginning with "M");

A family photo of Chico Marx with his wife, Betty, and only daughter Maxine, circa 1930's. And another, probably on the movie set for "Duck Soup";

These last four pictures are all Harpo's children, he adopted four; Bill (who I think is the one in the third picture, the oldest) Alex, Jimmy, and Minnie. The first one is from Wikipedia, taken in 1954, Los Angeles, and I think the last one is at their home, with his wife Susan, probably early sixties?

The saddest photo on the list, Lou Costello with his young son Lou Jr. nicknamed Butch. I heard this story several places before reading it in both Mel Blanc and Jack Benny's autobiography. Here is what Wikipedia says, and if it doesn't depress you I don't know what will, but in some ways, keeping with the spirit of Father's day;

"Upon arriving at the NBC studio, Lou received word that his infant son Lou Jr. had accidentally drowned in the family pool. The baby was just two days short of his first birthday. Lou had asked his wife to keep Butch up that night so the boy could hear his father on the radio for the first time. Rather than cancel the broadcast, Lou said, "Wherever he is tonight, I want him to hear me," and went on with the show. No one in the audience knew of the death until after the show when Bud Abbott explained the events of the day, and how the phrase "The show must go on" had been epitomized by Lou that night."

Then we have Danny Kaye playing piano and stretching on the golf field with his only daughter Dena (Dena Kaye, get it?) and wife Sylvia;

Don Knotts and some other unidentified people holding his daughter Karen. (looking up Andy Griffith's children only brought pictures of Ronnie Howard)

Lucy and Dezi, with their children....also named Lucie and Dezi;

Jack Benny, Mary Livingston (who was actually his wife, if you didn't know) and their daughter Joan, who looks weirdly like her mother for someone who was adopted. She was the co-author of "Sunday Nights at Seven", the biography of Jack Benny that I read. Long story short, she spoke very highly of her relationship with her father, and they make an awful cute family;

She was also the best friend of George Burns and Gracie Allen's children Sandra and Ronnie. No information on the first but the second was taken on the Matson flag ship, 1938. (from Wikipedia) Both George Burns and Gracie Allen and Jack Benny and Marie Livingston's marriages were life-long;

Humphrey Bogart visits Peter Lorre holding his only daughter Catherine (from TCM database) and Peter Lorre and wife Anne-Marie and Catherine at home in 1962, two years before his death.

And the piece de` Resistance, several adorable pictures of Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall with their young son Stephen;



So I'll stop putting photo's on before blogger sues me. I'm off to watch an MST3K with my Dad, one of the many traditions we have. So once again, HAPPY (slightly late) FATHER'S DAY!

All Thwough The Night

Look..... It's DANNY KAYE!!


That is to wash the bad taste out of your mouth that's been given to you thanks to the seemingly endless string of Peter Lorre photo's going down on this blog. I just got it networked, which means I now have a Facebook page, and I realized that my last post (disregarding the one by Isabel), nay my last several posts, are simply chocked full of Peter you-know-who's pictures. I'm sure all you facebookians were oh so appreciative of that. The picture of Danny is also my little way of apologizing for not blogging sooner. (I love this idea, from now on, all my apologies are going to come in the form of a photo of Danny Kaye texted to someone's phone or posted to their fb wall. My theory being that eventually this way, I will have no friends left to apologize to) The first few weeks my excuse was a sincere one, as I was deep in the bowls of an educational pit I had dug for my self by not preparing for my final exam sooner. But after the finals were over, on the 3rd, I found myself so relieved, so free, and so not-caught-up on my movie reviewing that the mere idea of putting together a coherent block of wording for any reason whatsoever of my own free will was unfathomable. "After all," I figured, "I haven't blogged, emailed, or facebooked in awhile, maybe they'll just assume me dead, and go on with their lives never knowing what happened to me..."
But then I remembered that I don't blog by public demand, I blog because it's fun for me. And the realization that it had been so long since I blogged and no one said anything about it, even though you'd think that would be less motivation, did nothing but transform my subconscious into a bitter monster that will now blog and make you read every single post because I feel so utterly betrayed. Or maybe I'm just bored. You'll never, ever know.
So I'm now finally going to take time out from doing nothing to bring you a movie that I rented, watched and sent back at least a month ago, and never actually reviewed anyway besides concocting the dictionary guide which will be enclosed. And before you get your hopes up, it does have Peter Lorre in it, but not in a starring role. I decided the best way to cope with the unending string of his movies and their reviews was just to bite my lip and mention him as a member of the cast with no snarky comments about size, looks, or creepiness, before I get sued by his surviving family members, burned at the stake by some creepy fan club of his, or the zombie of the long dead movie star comes back and strangles me in my sleep. That's actually the least scary of the three, since he's pretty dang short and being an old dude when he died.....snap, I'm doing it again.
But anyway, as I'm sure you'll be grateful, I'll now try and get to the review. Our movie this week (I have no better introduction, darn it) is called "All Through the Night" and the title of the post, rather than being a typo, which wouldn't be super-surprising, is a reference to our lovely leading lady. But she's unimportant as I'm about to mention our leading man- HUMPHREY BOGART!!! I want to make that sound as cool as possible since it's gonna have to make up for a lot of other stuff, like plot and coherence and acting and climax...

But don't let me drop before I dish. Whatever that means.

This movie is one of those wonderfully predictable and yet cozy patriotic attempts on the part of Warner brothers. Made in 1942, it embodies the spirit of America during the time when even hardened criminals like gangsters were so much better than Nazis, you could make a whole movie about it. And who to lead the ball in the greatest face-off since ninjas and pirates? No one but Humphrey Bogart, who's gangster lingo will either make you giggle or cringe but either way is gonna seriously confuse you. Bogart plays tough-guy Gloves (that should be a warning) Donahue, a kind of comically harmless gangster type who although he can talk the talk and walk the walk, and threaten waiters, still takes care of his Aunt-Bea-esque Irish mother and buys the cheesecake from his friend, kindly-old German man who's name is unimportant. And who, subsequently, gets knocked off by Peter Lorre, a Nazi in league with a group of fifth-columnists (that means Nazi, I didn't know that) that are out to wreak havoc on native New York. The trail eventually leads to the beautiful but R-labialization-prone nightclub singer Leda Hamilton, played by the beautiful Mrs. Kawwen Vewn. Look, I know it's not nice make fun of people, but how can they seriously expect me not to crack up in the end when she looks at the camera, no shame, and says "I feel a little like the pwincess who been wescued fwom the dwagon by the white knight." Besides, I just found out she's Peter Lorre's wife. Kawwen Lowwe! This non-vindictiveness thing is getting harder and harder.

But moving on, we get Humphrey Bogart impersonating a Nazi, Phil Silvers and Jackie Gleason impersonating gangsters, and a mish-mosh of semi-climatic scenes and lots of dead-end kids style lingo impersonating a movie. The villain is played by the wonderfully cold Conrad Viedt (the super-bad Nazi guy from "Casablanca") who, ironically, is like the only German actor in the movie that played a Nazi and wasn't actually Jewish.

The movie is...cute, cute because it tries so hard to be cool. All the characters talk fondly of their days in the Bronx and in reform school (cause' apparently everybody in New York went to reform school at some time or other) and talk so much crazy Brooklynese you need a gangster to English dictionary to decipher it all. "A what?" you say. A gangster to English dictionary, and I'm giving one out free right here. This is a collection of common gangster words and phrases translated in to regular old snobbish English, so if you ever get transported back to the thirties and forties and find yourself on the streets of Brooklyn, your totally covered.


GANGSTER TO ENGLISH
-Guide for da average joik


"Serve you with a blackout." ----------- "I shall make you unconscious."

"We catch them with their panzers down" ---- "We defeat them using the element of surprise."

"Five grand on the snoz. ----"I am betting five thousand dollars on the previously stated party."

"Paid quite a load a' scratch for it." --------- "Purchased with a significant amount of money."

"Got a date with the hot-seat." ---------- "Is wanted for murder."

"Got me figured all wrong." ---------- "You have wrongly interpreted my intentions."

"Makes us look like little bo peep." ---------- "Significantly dwarfed our lawlessness."

"Used your joint to do their finagling in." --------- "They utilized your property for nefarious deeds."

"Some place across da drink." --------- "A location beyond the Atlantic ocean."

"Spill it to the cops." ---------- "Disclose the information to the authorities."

"No soap." --------- "But naught."

"Those babies are strictly no good from way down deep." -------- "This group of individuals is wicked to the soul."

"The first one of dem' babies I tag I'm gonna kick em' in da swastika." -------- "To the first human being I overpower, I will deliver a blow to the posterior."

"Somebody yanked him." --------- "He was abducted by an unknown person."

I swear every one of those is from the movie. I just went through at complete random, it was that bad. But anyway, and whether or not you decide that's actually amusing, this post has gone way too long. I want to direct you to something that's actually funny before I leave. You've probably heard me talk about the Marx brothers. Not on here, yet, but on facebook and stuff, and you probably know that in a few days when I find my blogging 'feet' again, your gonna get a heck of a lot of Marx brothers stuff. I want you to have a good introduction. On the "reviews" section of "Night In Casablanca" which is on the Netflix instant, someone posted a link to some letters by Groucho Marx. These letters were written to Warner Brothers after they sent a warning notice about the title of "Night in Casablanca", saying it was too similar to "Casablanca" and threatening legal action if it wasn't changed. This letter was sent in response, and is now enshrined in the Smithsonian museum. If this doesn't give you an idea of what your up against with the Marx brothers, nothing can.


So to conclude, I'm back, and unless I get really lazy, I'm gonna stay that way. Except that I am really lazy. So this conclusion was really un-helpful. Sorry.

P.S. I didn't mention God in this post. That's bad. I'm sorry God, you are good. No sarcasm intended. I feel better now. Sentence fragments are fun. I tend to end these things with an apology a lot. Huh.


P.P.S. So I look for Karren Verne pictures and this comes up. This is not even fair. This is Peter Lorre absolutely getting squashed by his wife who's ten-times his size, and I'm not supposed to say anything about it. Forget being nice, I'll risk the zombie attack. >insert uncontainable evil cackling<

Beware Your Dentist- A post by Isabel Hooker

Uhm, OK...once upon a time there was a dentist and the kid went to the dentist and the dentist said "Don't eat bad food and stuff because you know how you see old ladies crossing the road with no teeth? That's cause' they eat ALL that yucky food and all their teeth fell out and now they eat GOOEY MUSH! So remember you brush your teeth or you'll have to eat mush toooo....." The End

-By Isabel Rose Hooker