Who Framed Roger Rabbit- What Exactly Does PG Stand For?

For the first time in my career as a movie reviewer I actually rented a movie for the sole purpose of reviewing it. I was very proud of myself. The movie I rented to review was none other than "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" which got sparkling recommendations for it's creative style and amazing animation/live action mixture. Reviewers loved it- including Roger Ebert, the "big league" of movie critics. As he said "It is intended as universal entertainment, like "E.T." or "The Wizard of Oz" aimed at all audiences, but I have a sneaky hunch the adults will appreciate it even more than the kids." I must raise the question, who am I to disagree with Roger Ebert? Some punk with a blog? Yeah, actually...here I go disagreeing.
This movie is not universal entertainment (neither is dark and profanity-filled "E.T." for that matter) it was an adult-oriented comedy/mystery, without any mention of children whatsoever, and even the innocently funny and truly cartoon-ish title character Roger Rabbit is barely focused on. The movie starts out like a regular cartoon with Roger Rabbit playing the part of a beleaguered babysitter watching a mischievous kid. Just like any Looney Tunes, right?
Right. Right up until the directors cut the scene and the cartoon baby stalks off cussing at the crew, a scene Roger Ebert himself praises as "A whole new world for cartoons".
This theme is probably the biggest thing that bothered me. The whole idea that "Oh, cartoon characters are just as mean and sinful as the rest of the Hollywood stars, and the cartoons you watched as a child were just big production numbers. In fact, out of set, Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny and the rest are probably all evolved in affairs and scandals too." Wow. just what I wanted to come away with.
Another thing that kills me is that Who Framed Roger Rabbit is bubbling over with potential- Roger Rabbit, despite being a character created specifically for this movie, was hilarious and perfect for the part as a framed cartoon-bunny. Lovable and (can you believe it?) squeaky clean as far as humor went, so why is it that he got almost all the laughs? Because despite what the directors and writers seem to think, cartoon characters don't have to be adult to be funny. And speaking of potential, did I mention that Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Mickey Mouse and Donald are in this film?
Of course (and I expected this by the time we got there in the movie) they are completely overlooked, although hilarious. Daffy and Donald try to blow each other up as a double-booked piano act (Daffy- "Can anyone understand what this duck is saying?! This is the last time I work with anyone with a sthpeech impediment!") and Bugs and Mickey enjoy handing the falling detective a tire when he asks for a "Spare" parachute. Things like this- made more numerous and lengthy- could have made the movie a ball for adults who appreciate good laughs and kids who get to see the long-dreamed of meeting between their two favorite sets of toons. How often does a director get the chance to pair Mickey and Bugs in the same movie? And yet Steven Spielberg wastes his time and money trying to stuff kid's animation and a Tim Burton-style murder mystery into the same whacked-out dark film.
And here's another thing- the "amazing" animation techniques did not really seem that great to me. And no, I'm not playing the dumb blond- I know that this was 1988, and computer animation was the "dazzling graphics" of Tron. But there was a Looney Tunes episode made in 1940, which paired animation/live action techniques extremely well, grant it, nothing like the 3D looking brightly-colored characters of you-know-who-framed-what, but still, this stuff has been around for awhile.
Overall, if this one of those movies you remember fondly as a kid/adult/whatever, leave it as a nice memory. I can't tell you how many times my Mom has turned on something from the 80's that she remembered and then found out it has all sorts of adult content. The 80's were weird. But do not and I repeat not turn it on with the kids for a nice trip down memory lane...

P.S. Porky was only it for a brief second at the end. .......Ingrates.

P.P.S The second picture is from 1940's- "You Should Be in Pictures" I can't help but think the effects in you-know-what weren't that amazing.

Space Jam- Whatever The Heck That's Supposed to Mean

Dear people whom I admire and enjoy; I have done it again.

I was being good, trying to write a nice cutesy post about my sister's quirks- and I got bored. It's not that they don't have quirks (Lord help us) but when your so used to them...
Well anyway I got bored. So I started wiki-ing Looney Tunes movies, basically hoping I would find a good featurette sequel to "Back in Action" to trash or something. Boy, was I naive. what I discovered was an odd looking 90's hit called "Space Jam". Space Jam? It doesn't even mention the Looney Tunes! But who am I to question?
I stared at the paragraph that attempts to described the plot for about thirty minutes, and it still didn't make a lick of sense. Something about an amusement park and short aliens and some guy named Micheal Jordan and basketball. "Oh the heck with it!" my foolish brain spouted "Let's just watch the darn thing!" So I looked it up on surfthechannel and, sure enough, some jerk had put it up there.
I almost don't think it's right to call this a review, since I didn't actually watch the whole thing, I sort of browsed scene by scene. I couldn't stand it. It was like going into Wal-mart to buy a video game for the cool sleepover your about to have and then you come out and everyone's been turned into apes and they all start throwing poop at you at once and your video game gets eaten by the group of kid's you were supposed to play it with. It sucked like "Lima beans in nasty sauce!" as Mr. Bird once said. It was the most incoherent, suckish, typical, predictable, cheap flim-flam of a movie I ever didn't watch. And since I'm so steamed that couldn't possibly write about my sisters in a non-violent way, I've managed to narrow the experience down to this for you;

The Plot;
(as if)
There is a mean alien (who looks strangely like the evil dog from "All Dogs Go To Heaven") who sends a bunch of bug-like aliens down to Earth to capture the Looney Tunes to become attractions for his theme park. The aliens challenge to LT gang to some kind of competition and the LTs pick Basket ball because the bugs are short. Meanwhile Micheal Jordan ( a Basketball star...I guess, I was two) decides to drop out of his career and do baseball, which was his father's dream for him, blah blah blah. The only two themes I know of for a sports movie are motivation and the brains Vs. bronze thing. The aliens suck the talent out of the other NBA stars, and begin to kick the LT's badly-animated butts. Obviously, M.J. shows up to save the day. Ect, ect, ect. And it's all done to the horribly overused rappy-pop songs of 1996, the sure sign of a instantly balding bomber.

The Real Deal;

Warner Brothers is drowning in a pile of plastic Mickey Mouse ears, and Micheal Jordan is really big right now. Icksnay-ergo, a ridiculous film with no conceivable plot in which they try to enhance the LT's popularity by pairing them with one of the current biggest names in sports. Who, not surprisingly, can't act to save his talented life.


What Actually Filtered Through To The Only Guy Who Liked This Movie;

"Wow, that Micheal Jordan is so cool! And he's got some new mascots! A rabbit and a duck and...I think those are fish...cool, I'm gonna share this on facebook! Oh, yeah, I can't because it's 1996. Crud. Well, the KFC bathrooms aren't gonna clean themselves!"

Pros;

Uhm...well...Porky Pig has some lines...you'd think that would be a plus...grant it, he doesn't sound like Porky Pig...

Cons;

1. All of the above, plus the re-inclusion of Lola bunny, a character we all thought (and hoped) dead after "Loony Tunes Babies" finally went off syndication.
2. It would appear that nothing actually takes place in space.
3. Newman from "Sienfield" tries to play a good...or semi good...character, and anyone who tries that is crispy-over-rice insane. Maybe they just figured Daffy Duck was too nasty to be competed with...
4. The voices suck, and it's not because Mel Blanc is old. It's because he's dead, and WB does not care enough to find a good replacement at this point.

So there you have it, I recommend this movie about as much as I recommend rolling in poop. I hardly have the heart to say it, but that's...all....folks...

P.S. Don't watch this film! I'm just reminding you, in case I wasn't clear. I got my haircut! YAY! Pictures will come at sometime in the near future.

P.P.S. I'm really glad I can just watch this online. I am really glad that I did not pay money to see this. Because I probably would have left the theater looking like this;

Wanted; A New Mother

"Tut-tut" you say, "The old bean 's finally cracked after all." Actually, I doubt you'd really say that, but then, your pretty unpredictable aren't you?

But on with my advertisement... (ad-VER-tis-ment, not ad-ver-TIS-ment, get what I mean?) I am on the lookout for a new mother. My reasons for getting rid of my old one may seem rather petty to you, but really, were simply not compatible anymore. It's not that I haven't been tolerant; for years I have bitten my lip and put up with her un-needed advise on what I wear and watch and read ( I have been compared to Cindy Lauper more than once, no joke!) I have abided the unappetizing site of green alien-like mold, which she has the audacity to call "Kombocha" on the counter, I have even strenuously labored through all the textbooks, programs, homework etc. which she is convinced I cannot possibly function in life without. Today, the straw on the camel's back was broken when I sent her an Email. The title read "Speechless" and the Email said "If you wish to make me eternally happy you shall buy me this." - the picture included in this advertisement. As you can imagine, I was infatuated. My old mother's reply? "Get off the computer and make cookies." I was, really, at that point speechless. To have my own mother brush to the side so easily my latest love is simply unacceptable.
The position is up for grabs now, the pay is good and the terms are easy. The only application you will need to fill is your name, on the order form for this Tee-shirt. I look forward to meeting you soon, Mom!

*Warning;
Mother will have to pay in advance for all rooming, boarding,education, groom and care of said teen. Mother takes full responsibility for any and all public embarrassments, sugar rushes, grocery-store outbursts, ridiculous blogs or outfits, etc. Mother is required to minister late-night counseling session and anytime talks of encouragement to teen on a daily basis. Areas in which encouragement will be required are self-image, school, emotions,theology, epistemology, haircuts and boys. Mother will have to put up with being called "Witch", "Witch-Hazel" ,"Witchy-poo" ,"Puff N' Stuff" or anything to the effect that teen designates for her. Mother will be required to obtain extensive knowledge of the Muppets, Looney tunes, Doctor Who, Sponge-bob Square pants, Mystery Science Theater 300, etc. Mother takes full responsibility and blame for any and all happenings of un-desirable consequence in teen's lifetime. Mother is not entitled to any compensation and/or gratitude for fulfillment of duties.

This Probably Means I'll Never Post Again- Nah, Don't Take It Seriously

Hello, folks. Maybe I will begin calling you that permanently. I like it.Random you say? Well yes, maybe, but that is just me. And many other people, I've noticed. "Random" has become the new cool, maybe soon doing what people would normally expect you to do will be considered random. Huh. Anyway, I would look out if I were you, because I'm really only blogging to soothe myself.

Let me describe the scene, to begin with; Mom and Dad are out to their anniversary dinner, I begged Mom not to go out at lunchtime on the off-chance that the hairstylist would call, and now I am regretting that decision heartily. We just adopted a new dog, Sausage, a tiny beagle-doxin (doxon? doxen? oh you know what I mean) drop-off, whom the girls are all swooning over, much to Guppi's chagrin. "Inspector Gadget" is on the living-room. That was my doing. I like the sound of that show- it's got a familiar, cozy feeling reminding me off a time- a few months ago, when I wasn't doing this in and out thing with depression.

Yeah, I'm a little depressed. It's not a problem at home, I swear. I know I've probably caused everyone-I know Mom and Dad- a lot of grief with all my late-night depression-confessions, but in all honesty, my life is pretty good. I just have anxiety issues- and being an emotional teen-ager does not help them. Just about everything freaks me out, things like the full-moon or the sound of a semi going by outside. Yes, I'm weird. But don't be scared- I'm still me.

It's pretty foolish too- the only thing it takes to break me out of it is one person to tell me that I'm freaking out over nothing- not to worry, that I'll be OK. So now you know- I don't need a sedative, just someone to honestly and truly tell me that everything is in the norm.

Yeah, that helped. It always helps. Thank the Lord.

P.S. I finished the Mel Blanc book, it was good. Basic analysis? Sure. Blanc is a cool guy, witty sense of humor, non-religious and from a Jewish family. Got to work almost all the big names in Hollywood in his day. Smart fella, whole chapter devoted to Porky Pig. Thought I couldn't fit a reference in? You were wrong.

P.P.S. No, I did not get my hair cut today. We walked in to the salon and were informed that the stylist was sick and couldn't help us that day. She was nice and we made an appointment for Wed. Darn, another day I

have to go to class without a haircut. Darn. Refer to the following picture for the way I feel about it;

That's Not All On Sunday Nights At Seven When Your Green, Folks!

Mmmmmyyyyy books arrived!!! FINALLY! And just when you were thinking "She can't possibly use another Porky Pig reference in her post title." Well, you terrible people, while your all thinking about how obsessed I am, take a gander at this;

"Good-hearted Porky never was a very credible scam artist. While this character trait made him beloved by audiences, ironically, it ultimately led to his downfall...With the emergence of Daffy, Bugs Bunny, and other Warner Bros. characters, he was relegated to either playing Daffy's foil or to ensemble work. In 1940 fifteen Porky Pig cartoons were produced; in 1950 just three; and in 1960, none. The studio even repossessed his "That's all, folks!" tag line, which as far as I'm concerned is like ripping the starts off a general's uniform.
Porky Pig made his theatrical-short farewell in Corn on the Cop in 1965. by that time many considered him a mere has-been. Discarded bacon. But I'll always have a soft-spot for Porky. I owe him a lot." - Mel Blanc

There. Do you all feel terrible? I hope so.

I on the other hand, I'm already half-way through the Mel Blanc auto-biography, and ruby is making fine progress on the Jack Benny, which is called "Sunday Nights At Seven". The title should begin to make even more sense now. I'm learning all sorts of cool stuff about Mel, and movie stars in general. Hooray for those rainy days when you can just sit in bed and read!! I'm also $25.00 richer, thanks to my babysitting fun last night, but maybe I should have saved that for the P.S., since as I now realize, there really is no news and I just wanted to share the word that I have my books. Oh well.

P.S. (you still get one, sillies) mom called and actually made an appointment to get my hair done on Friday. My faith is beginning to waver so here is my half-hearted, slightly sarcastic "hooo-ray"

P.P.S. I'm back on my computer, so you may now have a picture of you-know-who. You should be realizing how adorable he is about now, and if your not, your desthpicable!!

A Completely Rambling Post With No New Pictures Of Porky Pig

For once, once in my blogging career, I am going to write the post before the title. I amaze myself with my foresight. I am like a juggernaut. Whatever that is.

I am sitting in a an unfamiliar living-room, in an unnaturally quiet house, on someone else's laptop. And no, I'm not singing the Talking Heads, I'm actually babysitting. Jude, my client, is asleep (I hope) and I am left alone to try and blog while tired and wishing for Looney Tunes. I have figured one thing out about myself; as much as I love to act like my mother's homebody-ness is a pain in the rear, I may have the worst case of homesickness ever. I always miss home. Weather I'm on a gorgeous vacation in Florida, or just spending the night at a friend's, I can be having a ton of fun- and still miss the sanctity of my home. I'll miss Guppi sniffling in my ear, the freedom to put on music very loudly in my room, my John Denver records, my Muppet movies, Looney Tunes playing the living room, the picture of Porky Pig on the fridge...and, of course, my awesome family.
I love them to death. They are the number 2 source of my happiness (the first being Jesus). I can be myself around them, my true self. They know all my quirks and my flaws and embrace them unconditionally. My sisters look to me as a friend and mentor and role model even after they've tasted my jim-sock-flavored cookies and watched me kiss the above mention P.P. picture. Mom is my best friend, Dad is my hero. We have inside jokes, similar goals, we share everything. The fondest sentimentalities I have are all related to my parents. I get this soaring feeling of joy and identity, if I listen to an old favorite Bob Dylan song while looking at pictures of my early childhood. I talk about things like the Muppets as reminding me of my kid-hood, but it's not really the movies. It's the re-discovered security and joy that I had in those days, and I think everyone, to some extent, longs for that.
So this is just a little opening up; I'm not depressed, I'm just thinking and feeling out loud. Thanks for a listen.

P.S. As you have probably noticed, there seems to be no right-click on this computer, so I can't do spell check. The truth has been revealed. This also means that I cannot post a picture of Porky Pig for you this time :( (super sad face)

P.P.S. Jude is adorable, just sayin'. I am hoping to get my haircut tomorrow, but the odds aren't good. Cheers and more cheers, and remember; God is awesome, Daleks are cool, and Porky Pig is still absolutely adorable.

Velocity Does Not Rhyme With Valentines But They Both Start With "V"

Greetings, comrades!!! Happy you-know-what day! (if you don't know what, check your Google browser, they always know) I just received a scrumdiddlyumptious box of Reese's pieces from Porky (or was that Mom? Hmm...) Either way, I'm having a happy, marshmallow-and-rainbow-filled-diurnal course...which means day. However, I feel it my nerd-ified duty to bring into light the official roots of the holiday, as learned by the superb Mr. Bird. Valentine's Day (originally "St. Valentine's Day) was a festivity to commemorate (duh) St. Valentine, a preacher in ancient Rome during a time when christian marriage was outlawed who was imprisoned for his in-cooperation. So...while your out getting chocolates and puppies from your dearly beloved, just try and remember that it's not actually about the heart-shaped balloons...it's really about the miracle of marriage as justified by God the father. So happy....that!

P.S. Did I mention I'm going to get my hair cut soon?! Soon I tell you!! SSOOONNN...!!!!

P.P.S. i may have to be a coward and take back what I said about blogging everyday...as if I was already....anyway, I forfeit. I love you all, but I'm just not all that diligent. Often though, this I promise."Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-... That's all, folks."