Locksley Writes Again

The Muppets and Me and Stuff

2011-11-27T13:21:00.001-08:00

So...I have been toying with the idea of maybe starting another blog.

Goodness knows it's not because this one was getting so many hits......wink, wink.....or that I just have SO many posts to fit in, it's just because I can't seem to find a medium between blog-posts that actually have something to do with the theme of this blog (classic movie reviews, in case you forgot) and posts about my personal life. Now that my personal life is a messy place with a lot to write down I figured it might be a good idea to curb the inconsistent flow of unhelpful movie reviews and even more unhelpful personal reviews. So, if I am just posting mindless reviews on here for a while trust it does not mean there is nothing at all to write about going on personally but that a new blog may be in the making.

For now, I have finally come out of hiding to bring you a new movie for once: Not only a new movie, a REALLY new movie that I bet a bunch of you haven't seen yet but have been thinking about seeing, and even better, a movie I saw the day it premiered. Beat that if you can.

Nearly a whole year ago....maybe more....I learned that this movie was being made, and dreamed of the day I could review it. Ya'll remember that time in my life, when you couldn't scroll down my page without finding Muppet in every nook and cranny of this blog. There were two reasons for that: 1. I am an over-obsesser, and when I enjoy something I tend to be unable to think of anything else. Things like the Muppets, John Denver, Porky Pig, Humphrey Bogart and Lost: That for some reason or other make me feel happy or interest me, (or give me an funny excuse to parry accusations about crushing on boys) tend to take a central seat in my life (more than is healthy, I'm sure) and make me want to share them with all the awesome people around me. Ok, yes--your hunch was right. 1. can pretty much be summed up by saying I'm a nerd about stuff. 2. is that the Muppets are easy to get obsessive over. Their fun, their felt, they had very catchy music and, (really horribly old, grant it) Danny Kaye and Don Knotts. But more than that, they had a way of getting under your skin and making you feel all fluffy and mushy and happy inside. Listen to 'Rainbow Connection' if you don't know what I mean. Maybe it's just the fact that I grew up loving them and therefore they became sacred images of my childhood splendor, but judging from the large (and seriously, creepy) internet-based fan-clubs teeming with people who's lives revolve around ping-pong ball eye related stuff, (see Toughpigs.com, TheMuppetMindset, and MuppetCentral) there's a following of people who feel the same way. And as an amateur (but now 16) movie reviewer, I'm here to testify that this new movie made both of us very, very happy.

First of all: The plot is basically three of their other movies combined with something else unoriginal, but it doesn't matter a bit. With the Muppets, it's all been done before: The onstage/offstage plots of of the Muppet show were like Jack Benny except with more explosions and their puppets. This is like a Muppet show movie. Except...well darn, it's a lot more than that. Maybe I should move on to something a little easier.

The humans: For those of you who haven't tracked this movie from it's earliest conception, you may not know two things: a) it was written by, produced, and starred the same man. and b) that man is Jason Segel, whom you will know as the voice of Vector from Despicable Me. You should also know that neither of these things ought to be held against him, for we owe it to him to have created a fun, funny, heartfelt, clean and sincerely nerdy movie that hearkens back to the days when Milton Berle could be found running used car dealerships and Rowlf the Dog was a household name. Also starring in it is Amy Adams of Enchanted fame, who's role in Julie and Julia caused the author of this blog to chop all her beautiful hair off, only to see her sporting the long and wavy doo (again). Life isn't fair. Both have miniscule roles as utterly normal pair Gary and Mary, the latter of which's dreams of tying the knot are always squashed by the fact that Gary feels himself responsible for his tiny felt brother Walter, who is (yep) a Muppet. THIS much you should have gathered from the commercials already, so I digress.

Walter, again for those who don't know, is the new Muppet who was introduced for a slew of reasons, none of which I can think of right now. I will say with all honesty that when I first encountered this my first thought was "Basic Disney marketing ploy, cute new character garnered in order to shove merchandise down fan's throat"...or something to that effect, and gathered every bit of change-resistant hate I had, ready to slew at anyone and anything that tried to take screen time from the original Muppets. Whether or not all that is true, I lost the battle. Despite his annoying nasally voice and the fact that every other scene he's in is an emotional one, Walter is frickin' adorable and I may end up 'Awwing' as much as the obnoxious teenagers that sat behind me if I go to see it again. Ok, I even take back what I said at first. Walter doesn't take near as much screen-time as the trailers lead me to believe, and he is a good investment of time, giving the other Muppets something to spring-board off: their one and only devoted admiring fan in a world of people who have moved on.

This was not only a marketing ploy, it was a great one that worked and got it's point across with gusto. This subplot that no one knows or cares who the Muppets are anymore works well and makes a lot of sense, probably because of the sad but in this case, maybe fortunate ring of truth to it. (It's not like you can blame us. Let's take your favorite characters, make a bunch of cruddy B-pictures and replace your star with a disgustingly not-funny king Prawn (below) and see how nostalgic you feel about it. Oh Henson, we miss you...) In the end, the fact that it all worked out *SPOILER* grant it, after a premature "The End" sign flashed across the screen, gives hope for the future that may be as true as the bleakness of the past (namely the 90's) with people realizing and remembering how great they really were. Yeah baby.

One more thing before I give the over-all; This movie is so nerdy you can't shake a stick at it, and I love that. So many minor characters..including my two favorites, Rowlf and Scooter, get bigger parts than they have in any movie. References are made to every single other Muppety production worth referencing, and very obviously someone involved frequented the forums of one of those sights I just mentioned. But anyway. The musical numbers, namely Tex Richman, Me Party and...yeah, Am I A Man or a Muppet (and I swear I didn't make any of those up) were so tongue-in-cheek you sometimes wonder just how cheesy they were trying to be. But the good news is, it all works. It really, really all works out into a movie that...well...let's not get ahead;

The Bottom Line: See it. See it now. Make all your friends see it. Take your kids. If there's anything good left in this crazy world, let it spawn a comeback of clean quality humor we can appreciate together. The movie is clean by the way, I racked my brain to think of a part where it wasn't and the best I could do was some women dressed in Las Vegas style showgirl outfits during one number, so I'll go ahead and warn you:

There. This is as racy as it gets. In a 2011 movie. God bless you Jason Segel.

In the end, the movie somehow becomes fantastic. I don't know where amongst that crazy mix of 80's rock and roll montages, mushy character parts and....driving, it happens, but it does, and about five minutes after watching you realize you've seen a good movie. And about three days afterwards, you want to see it again. And for an undeterminable period of time that end song will be stuck in your head. I swear.

"I've got...everything, that I neee-eed!!"

Oh my gosh that's bad.

The Adventures of a Rocky and Bullwinkle Remake Hater

2011-10-09T15:22:00.000-07:00

Starting a blog post is like hosting a television show. Every time you have to think of something different to say, to set the tone for the whole thing. But enough of philosophy. I've been watching cartoons again, which, if you are a movie reviewer, is bad. Because there's one universal fact that has been respected until the 1990's, when big-name movies studios decided to break the sacred law: cartoons and movies don't mix. Actually, they do mix, quite often. The rule is, they shouldn't.

You probably know where this is going. Locksley saw another horrible cartoon remake (probably a cartoon she's got on a T-shirt somewhere) and now she's going to use my time and valuable internet space to rant about it.---Oh, how right you are.

The reason for my pilfering the internet looking for this truly diabolical picture is that, yes, again, I love cartoons. The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, to be specific. My parents grew up with this show, my little sisters are now getting into it and even I, at one point in my very early life, was desperately in love with Rocky the flying squirrel (yes I know, squirrels, pigs, Volkswagen bugs...) It's another one of those nostalgia things I like to turn on when I'm feelin' mighty low, like Looney Tunes or Andy Griffith or bouncy German jazz songs. And you know when you stay up extremely late at night eating Butterfingers you stole from Mom and laughing your tuckus off at your own Boris Badenov impressions, your infatuated and it's time to break the illusion-

Very very easy to accomplish. Find the terrible remake the 90's inevitably made.

Shall I cite a few examples? Inspector Gadget, Looney Tunes Back In Action and yes, I'm going to say it's name again, Space Jam. There's is this grotesquely universal idea out there among the movie makers that people are going to pay to see their favorite cartoon characters in whatever horrible remake you want to put them in. It's a contemptible, hilarious, and ludicrous idea... It's an idea that anyone with a brain in their head should have realized wouldn't work...and I just kinda proved it's success by looking this movie up and watching it. Ouch. Let's uh...let's get on with the review...

There's very little plot, so I won't spend much time trying to make it coherent sounding. The beginning would have been enough to make me wanna leave the theater (if I had been watching it there) as they went WAY to far with the tongue-in-cheek narrations. Yes, the narrator from the show was snide and funny. Yours is not. It works well with a cartoon that moves one-hundred miles an hour and ends in a cliffhanger after 2 minutes to have a narrator who occasionally says something glib. It does not work well in a full length movie to have an annoying character who is sort of unseen and narrates the movie we are attempting to watch...and won't "sharrup your mouth" as Boris would say. Like I said, the beginning was terrible, and lasted forever. They seriously spend the first 30 minutes trying to obtain a Hollywood green light for the movie you are currently watching. That sounds like a funny idea, but it really wasn't. To make long story short, Fearless Leader (remember him?) Boris Badenov and Natasha get into the real world through, as the narrator calls it, "The magic of CGI." except their not CGI, their real people. Namely, Robert De Niro, Rene Russo and Jason Alexander. All three are very funny, and it's a shame they are in such a bad movie in the first place. (Fearless Leader- AKA- De Niro does ham up his part though, and being a Boris and Natasha fan I think more of them would have been funnier. Not that it would save the movie. Not even Paul Frees himself could have done that.) In a strange touch, the characters begin in their cartoon world, which is actually nothing at all like the "Frostbite Falls" of the 60's. The animation looks more like Dexter's Laboratory or the The Simpsons punning Rocky and Bullwinkle. Not a huge important thing but something that bugged me. The character of...what's her name...the girl that some forgotten actress named Piper Perabo is playing, is ridiculously underdeveloped. Not that I expected much artistic character development, but seriously, there's a whole (grant it, pathetic) subplot focusing on her 'Giving up her dreams of the past' or something like that so why not at least spend 5 minutes on her? And seriously, she tries to hard to be cute. What is she, twenty? Obviously this is some 90's star who's trade-mark image is lost on me.

The biggest problem is, it HAS funny parts, but the majority of them look like they were made by four year olds for two year olds. These people need to get it through their noggins that what's funny in a cartoon isn't funny in a high-budget movie that comes out in theaters. What's really tongue in cheek and snide in a kiddie show from the 60's looks way to much like it's not tongue in cheek and it's trying way to hard to be snide here.
The majority of the jokes center around Rocky and Bullwinkle's complete inability to relate with modern reality: ipso ergo, campy annoying puns about hip-hop music and the FBI. Plus this whole depressing plot about how miserable their lives have been since their show was taken off the air. Obviously, whoever wrote the script was still pretty bitter about that. I also completely proved how inane the plot was by missing two 10-minute parts of it the first time I watched it and never even noticing. I'm serious. Not a whole lot of points for the plot.

There is a beguiling tendency that gave the Rocky and Bullwinkle show a large part of it's charm, and which goes way overboard in the movie: and that is the statement of the obvious, in other words, saying what everyone else is thinking. For example, the narrator commenting on the plot's predictability, ect. In the movie this makes for a very annoying narrator who won't keep it's mouth shut. While in the show there was scene cut every five seconds, in the movie you wish there was, because as a substitute you get a really bad joke every five seconds. Still, this formula served for one of my favorite lines:
Fearless Leader: "There has never been a way to totally destroy a cartoon character until now."
Secretary: "What about that movie Rodger Rabbit?"
Fearless Leader: "SHUT UP THIS IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT!!!"

I think it's especially funny to me because I hate both movies and wish a bunch of acid-like gunk would just wash the whole mess away.

Ok- so on to real reviewing. Cinematography? Script? Character development? You will forget they exist in those ignominious 91 minutes. Maybe that is why Roger Ebert defended it against all the other critics saying it was "A funny family movie." The CGI is, I guess, for the most part good- that is, to someone living in 2011 looking back on the special effects of 2000 only made me burst into laughter once. I can't even say it's one of those movies to turn on for the kids and leave the room, because there are several uncomfortably pushing the PG limit moments. And the narrator curses. What a ridiculously unnecessary thing to do! It was as if the producers wanted more than anything to make the children that had watched Rocky and Bullwinkle wake up and say "This is the 21'st century, here we curse and good doesn't mean good. Even Rocky and Bullwinkle know that. Get over those ridiculous morals you were taught as a kid and keep up with the times!

So yes, yet again I'm wasting my time reviewing a forgotten movie that has obviously already left the world's consciousness. But me, ridiculous little me, remembered laughing my head off at this as a teeny-weeny six and a half year old when it came on TV, and just had to ruin the memory. Still, I will continue to enjoy watching the cartoon- maybe more than usual now that I know how bad it could be- undaunted by the 90's and their shamefaced film-making. The original show-like most shows of genius- had an appeal that was multilayer-ed, hit-and-run, unexpected and hard to pin down. You can't make up something like that and know it will work. It just HAPPENS sometimes and then people start falling in love with it and end up talking about it for generations. There are bad shows, there good shows, and then there are classics. Rocky and Bullwinkle was a classic. People can write books about it and still not pin down exactly what made it so durn funny, but whatever it was, the producers of this movie never found it either. They might have been able to remedy this with a lot of actually funny jokes and high-class scenes of action, but they didn't. This movie bears the same title the MST3K people illustrated about "Attack of the Eye Creatures." That is, the makers of this movie "Just didn't care..."

So yeah, bottom line. Didn't like it much. Some people tried hard- mainly the actors who played Natasha and Boris and Fearless Leader, and the original voice of Rocky (June Foray) who returned to do her role. There are, buried amidst a lot of junky direct-to-video 90's rap a possible valuable moral kids are bound to miss and even some funny and snide comments on television. When told fearless Leader plans to release television shows that will turn the viewers into: "Mindless zombies totally incapable of independent thought." to which another man replies, "Totally different from regular TV." Wink wink.

There you go. I think the makers of this movie appreciated the original show, which snidely mocked the rest of the world, but obviously didn't want to take the time and money to make it live up to it's name. Totally different from regular remakes...

P.S. I promise to watch a good movie soon. Citizen Kane is on it's way. Not that, you know, everyone and his mother hasn't already reviewed Citizen Kane, but there is hope that in the future I'll be getting some really high-grade filmmaking into my system.

P.P.S. Anyone got a vintage Rocky and Bullwinkle lunchbox sitting around? Now that I think about it, that'd be pretty awesome. And forget what I told you about Rocky the flying squirrel. It's all over now.

*UPDATE
I just found out that there was a 1992 made-for-TV movie called "Boris and Natasha" about...guess who. Well I say "not again!" I will never watch that movie. NEVER do you hear?!

Besides, I can't find it on the internet.

If You Click This, You Will Most Likely Be Dissapointed

2011-09-26T11:42:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends!

I have an essay due. Still wondering why I chose right now to blog? You shouldn't!

Because I'm actually not blogging, I'm procrastinating.

(Procrastinate: 1.To put off repeatedly. 2. To keep postponing something supposed to be done. [Latin procrastinare, from pro- "forth" + crastnus " Of tomorrow", from Cras "Tomorrow"]

Now that that is off my chest, I feel bad for starting this and making you click it. So I will give you two pictures of baby Peter Lorre. Yes, you heard me correctly. Two baby pictures of Peter Lorre. Here is number one, (he is the small one, as usual):

His mother's name is Elvira. Wouldn't you just know her name would be Elvira?

This is another one:

I didn't photo shop the arrows. I don't were they came from. I was gonna offer you a prize to fugure out which one is him, but I decided that was stupid. So from left to right, little brother Andre (Andrew), Lazlo (Peter Lorre before they started misspelling his name), stepsister Lesl (Don't know what that becomes), and little brother Ferenc, which by some stretch of the imagination becomes Francis in English. I read this out of a library book, and the library doesn't lie.

And that is it. That's all I have for you. I hope the idea of little bug-eyed baby versions of much-mocked Hungarian/German actors was exciting enough to make your time worth while.

If it does your weirder than I am.

G'bye!

The...Blogpost Behind the Mask...Or Something...

2011-09-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

I said I'd post today, and I am! I am totally amazing!

(I wrote that two days ago. I thought the irony of it was amusing)

Unfortunately being punctual usually means I have little time with which to write with, hence the unusually low amount of witticisms and serious nature in that last post and, probably, this one too. I read about this movie in research for my "I've got a lot of money to blow" list that I was making, looking for some obscure but interesting 30's films to make my collection look... interesting. Peter Lorre was one of the actors I've seen a lot of material from, so I thought I'd see if this one was the public domain before I bought it off of Ebay for a couple of cents. I don't know about the public domain, but I found it anyway, and watched it alone...at night...in the dark. Thank you Peter Lorre, that was possibly the most depressing hour and a half of my life. But since I think that's what they were going for I can't necessarily call this a crummy movie. But let's try and give this one a thorough analysis:

My initial reaction was "corny", but I'm not quite sure that adds up like you'd think it would at first. It advertises like a B-grade horror flick, as the poster clearly condones, but it isn't quite; it's like...it's like...that part in the national geographic documentary when it's talking about snake's eating habits and it shows a cute little mouse chewing something and then the scary music starts playing and your thinking "Oh man, I so don't want to see this" and that uncontrollable desire to flip ahead comes over you. It's like an examination of the viciousness of Murphy's law, or what happens when you get a really terrible fortune cookie. In other words, you take a completely innocent guy (Peter Lorre, if you can believe that) and make things get as bad as possible for him. What's more, make you guy a chubby happy Hungarian immigrant and have him run around the first half of the movie being big-hearted and optimistic about everything, and you've got yourself a 30's depression fest no one can laugh about. Except me.

THE PLOT: Peter Lorre plays the happy chubby etc. immigrant I mentioned, Janos Szaby, a watchmaker who comes to New York City with the unquestionably good intentions of making enough money to move his sweetheart over and start a watch shop. I'm completely serious. He then befriends a cop who directs him to a hotel in which there is a completely unrelated subplot about a no-cooking in the rooms rule (?). The hotel burns down and Janos' face is horribly mutilated in the fire. And from that point on it just gets better and better! He can't find work, he tells his girlfriend he's in love with someone else, he tries to commit suicide...then as if the movie wasn't cruel enough he is rescued by a man named Dinky of all things...gets involved with gangsters who don't even have funny accents, meets a pretty blind girl (figuahs, don't it) falls in love, quits gang, gang kills blind girl, flies gang out to the middle of the desert in a revengeful spree and they all die, alone and afraid. Yessir. I couldn't have thought up something worse than that if tried for weeks. The most disgusting part about it (aside from the obvious "Gee I wish I'd never started watching that" feeling it gives you) is it's predictability. The Murphy's law gone wild formula is pretty easy to follow: whatever horrible, life altering tragedy can happen is gonna happen to this guy.

So on to the fun part:

THE BAD POINTS:
1. There figures prominently a man named Dinky who does not die a horrible fiery death like most of the other characters.

2. The main character has an awesome name. This is bad because it is a bad movie and at some point I'm going to have to tell my adorable little boy that that is where I first heard that name, and he will be angry with me. Thank you Peter Lorre for messing up my relationship with my son!

3. The woman reminds me of that nature-girl from "Open Season", only she's not actually supposed to be annoying which makes it twice as bad.

4. We see Dinky without a shirt on. No joke.

5. By the time your finished with this movie And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie will read like Pippi Long-stockings. And I don't mean the dubbed Swedish film version either.

THE ULTIMATE BAD POINT: This movie is a bleak "life sucks" drama that tries way to hard to be poetic film noir. And it makes you feel bad for a character that Peter Lorre plays. That oughtta tell you something is off.

THE GOOD POINTS:
1. The universe managed to make Peter Lorre say "Dinky." That made me snicker once or twice.

2. If your one of those sick people that likes to see cheesy characters die this is a very satisfying film. That's a sick good point but I'm scrounging here.

3. If you hate Hungary, watchmakers, little schnauzer dogs, people who love listening to the radio, hotels, or men named "Jeff" this is the movie for you.

THE ULTIMATE GOOD POINT: There isn't one. If you went through this movie like I did waiting for something good to happen your in for bitter disappointment brother.

So that's it. I'm not being vindictive, just telling it like it is. This is a movie that would have worked way better with S.Z. Sakall rather than Peter Lorre (aw! I take that back. That would suck even worse) as a believable good guy. In fact, it would have worked way better as a soap opera. That was never made.

Peter Lorre really does not appear to be enjoying himself here. Maybe I'm wrong. It just seems like when he's hopping up and down like Chico Marx at the piano, in Groucho glasses and a mustache, singing his heart out to "Ja, Die Polizie" or playing a crazy spy named colonal Gimpy (a strange, strange movie called Crack Up from 1936) he looks happier than when he's surveying his crushed hopes and dreams for the future. Let me illustrate:

Happy Peter Lorre:

Sad Peter Lorre:

Happy Peter Lorre:

Sad Peter Lorre:

Happy Peter Lorre:

Oh wait...I got mixed up. So long folks!

A Dead End Blog Post

2011-09-17T14:13:00.000-07:00

I'm going, for the sake of time and my own shame, to pretend like I haven't been absent from blogging for over a month and a half. So, moving on...

Last night was one of those times when God blesses me with the little things. Ruby wanted to watch a movie, I'd been putting her off for weeks on account of my rushed Foundations Collegium schedule and the constant necessity to use all of my spare hours trying (and failing) to sound like Regina Spektor at my new electric keyboard. I wanted to watch and MST3K, she didn't. She wanted to watch one of our old Marx brothers movies, I wasn't in the mood. We finally decided on the very un-hopeful solution of looking to see what was on Netflix...and low and behold they had just added one of my all-time favorite Bogart movies: Dead End.

I love this movie: I love it for a variety of reasons. In my Leanord Malton world of thinking myself an expert on these things, I love it because the scripts are understated and meaningful and theme of the movie drives it's point through in a captivating way. I love the cozy noir feel of it, with the limited amount of sets they had to make it look like a New York City slum. On my girlier Locksley side, I love that Bogart makes me wanna cry and all the kids sound like Bugs Bunny. But on to reviewing.

Dead End has two...or maybe three or four...plot lines, one involving those Bugs Bunny kids I mentioned earlier. Well-meaning rough teenagers who hang out at a dirty peer under the Brooklyn Bridge, fighting other gangs, avoiding the neighborhood cops and trying to taunt the rich kid who's lavish house sits above their playground. The leader of the gang, Tommy (Billy Halop) , is supported by his hard-working sister Drina (Sylvia Sidney), who is on strike with the union. Since her childhood, Drina has been in love with Dave, an architect who went to college but can't seem to get a job now. Meanwhile, a notorious gangster named Baby-face Martin returns to his childhood home, intending to visit his mother and former girlfriend. He ends up teaching Tommy some tricks with a knife, which gets him in serious trouble when he stabs the father of the rich kid who was trying to get him arrested. Martin is rejected by his mother, now old and ragged and decrepit. Then his girlfriend Francey...well...let's just say there's disappointment there too. He plots to kidnap the rich kid,and (in a sarcastic snarky tone) It's up to big brave wonderful Dave to save the day.

The point of the plot, however is not an examination of either gangsters or architects, or even despite what it looks like at first, a comedy about making it through the depression. It's a serious but captivating examination of, as Leonard Malton puts it "Humanity at the breaking point in N.Y.C. tenements." The metaphor can be summed up pretty well in the single set a great portion of the movie takes place on: the dirty dock where the apartments of the rich look directly down at the problems of the poor.

This film was made in 1937...the perfect time for a movie about the problems of the poor people to make a hit- as the dividing line between the wealthy and the desolate grew larger and larger by the day. Like I said, the script is great, the sets are interesting, but it's the directing that really shines through here. Humphrey Bogart is perfect, Joel Mcrea as boring as anyone competing against Bogart would be. I talked about this as a dramatic, or sad movie, which was being honest. But there's a good amount of humor mixed in too, mostly from the Dead End kids, who went on to make mostly comedies that banked off the same principle. It was originally a Broadway play; and a small budget one, so the caster did the obvious thing when looking for child actors to play street kids; he hired a bunch of street kids. Unfortunately their realistic dead end-ness cost United Artists some money when they got a hold of a truck and crashed through a sound stage. Not surprisingly, Untied Artists sold their contract to Warner Brothers as soon as the film was complete.

All in all, I think this is the perfect film for people above that "It's black and white and therefore boring" attitude who want to see what genius film making looks like. Also a great time-capsule from that era, just like Casablanca says so much about the 40's.

That was decidedly unhumorous, but you can blame the movie I review tomorrow (look at me making promises) on that.

I love you all, but dividing my time between Johnny Dollar, Rosetta stone, and my book is hard enough without trying to write. So until further notice, we will call this the end.

P.S....Bogie changes a baby's diaper....seriously, this isn't doctored.....

I don't know what the relevance of that is but I figured you might enjoy it.

P.P.S. No, I still haven't seen Citizen Kane. Call the classic film police if you want to.

Stolen Sea-Shells, Naomi and the Presidency.

2011-08-29T10:05:00.000-07:00

A few moments ago, whilst contemplating blessing you with a review of "Ball of Fire", the door to my room burst open and in came a sobbing five-year-old. I soon pieced the fact that I would be expected to act as comforter. Instead of solving all her complicated childhood problems in a long face-to-face Andy Griffith style talk, I decided to solve it the way I solve my problems; blog it. So here is out on-the-scene reporter (me) to cover the drama;

Me: Esther, tell me exactly what you think right now."
Esther: "I'm thinking that Mommy doesn't like...she won't listen to me and stuff. And Mommy knows that I think that, she just wants to be mean to me."
Me: Why do you think Mommy is being mean?
Esther: "Because she's very mad at me just because I yelling on accident at Isabel and she was being mean to me too. And she doesn't know that Isabel was actually hurting my feelings by stealing stuff. She's stealing my sea-shells and saying there hers. And sea-shells are very important to me. Do you think you could put it on there that Isabel will please be nice and say that they are actually my sea-shells and because it's not nice to steal?"
ME: "Is that all?"
Esther "Yes. Go and tell mamma to check your blog post."

The evidence for a one-sided case of theft and cruelty seemed conclusive, but in the effort of fairness, I decided to call in Isabel to relate her side:

Me: "Isabel, what do you have to say about this?"
Izzy: "That she is making a deal out of nothing"
Me: "Please explain that statement."
Izzy: "Are we gonna do a whole court here? Just yell it if you want to; 'Order in the court!' So I had these sea shells in my pocket, and you know how they all look alike? "
Me: "Yes."
Izzy: "They all look alike, so she's saying that I stole these sea-shells...these...she's shaying...uhm, saying that I stole these, which I did not. "
Me; "OK."
Izzy: "So she screamed really loudly which Mom told her not to do unless something really bad happens, so she sent her upstairs and she was screaming."
Me: "So Esther was entirely in the wrong?"
Izzy: "Well she wasn't entirely in the wrong, she was right that they look like her seashells. And that's the story."

Now the plot was getting thick. Isabel seemed fair and unbiased in her view, and Mom must of had a reason for convicting Esther. Still, could I believe that broken expression to be just alligator tears? I decided to call in a third party, a witness, someone who's voice I could always trust and who's wisdom and clarity were unquestionable. I asked three-year-old Naomi:

Me; "Naomi, have Esther and Isabel been yelling at each other a lot?"
Naomi; "Uh-huh."
Me: "Why?"
Naomi: "I love this light! It's shining in my eye..." (witness was playing with lamp)
Me: "Naomi?"
Naomi: "What?"
Me: "Who was right?
Naomi: "Uhm Mama is. Uhm Essy is!
Me: "Esther is right?
Naomi: "Uh-huh."
Me: "And why do you believe Esther and not Izzy?"
Naomi: "Uh...cause Izzy's stealing sea shells...can't you get on video? I want to watch a movie!"
Me: "Let's try to stay on topic."
Naomi: "Noooo!!!!"

I decided that the case was basically unsolvable, so while I had this great intellectual in my presence I would ask her one of the great questions of the nation:
Me: Naomi, who should be president of the United States?"
Naomi: "Uhm...Essy!"
Me: "Why Essy?"
(witness then played with tongue for about five minutes)
Naomi: "Because, she's being mean! And bossy!
Me: "And you think that would make a good president?!"
Naomi: "No."
Me: "Then why did you say she'd be a good president?"
Naomi: "I didn't say she'd be good! I said she will be mean!"
Me: "Then why should Esther be president?"
Naomi: "Because Esther is the one! And I am Queen Naomi!!" (witness then sang a song entitled "Queen Naomi")
Me: "Let me get this straight. You want Esther to be the president, and she's mean, and you want that?"
Naomi: "Uh-huh."
Me: "Why do want a mean president?"
(witness then spat a spitty-hair curler into interrogator's face)
Naomi: "I want a mean president because I am mean!"
Me: "I thought you were nice ?"
Naomi: "I mean, mean! (witness then a sang a song entitled "Mean", not a cover of Taylor Swift)
Me: "Naomi, is there anything you want to say on my blog?"
Naomi: "Uh-huh." (witness then sang a song entitled 'you are blog', those were also the only lyrics.)
Me: "It was nice having you Naomi."

So who was right? Who should be president? Who stole the sea-shells? Do they really all look the same? I leave it to you to decide.

Mr. Chicken And Some Book Reviews

2011-08-20T07:50:00.001-07:00

Ok, ok, ok-

Were back today with a few book reviews. When I put Jonathan's (he graciously allowed me to use his real name) post up the other day, I meant to quickly write up a snappy review of the three books I told you about to go along with it. However since nothing get's done quickly around here I was forced to just forget the whole thing, three days after I told Jonathan he could look for his post on my blog. So now I'm back, with a cute little 60's horror/comedy feature and three semi-short/long reviews.

1. Child Star, by Shirley Temple Black. (Yes, that little Shirley Temple with a Black added to her name)

Beginning with the first chapter, a detailed, informative, and interesting look at her birth, parents, and beginnings in show-business (at the age of three!). It then moves on to talk about her career in show-business, fellow actors and actresses, directors, agents etc. I'm making this review short because I didn't get too far in this book, in part I think because Shirley Temple was never one of those people I really took and interest in and her book doesn't seem to mention any of them, and also- her attitude as she gets farther on begins looking...cynical. How could you expect anything more? The girl has been working in the twisted world of Hollywood since the tender age of three, sure she entertained America during the depression, but she also had her childhood stolen away from her by a whirlwind career that ended in her teens.
Bottom Line; I can't say anything about age-appropriateness because like I said, I didn't go beyond her paramount and Warner brother days, and there very well may have been some gritty incidents as she got older, I just wouldn't know. Its a good look at what it was really like for her; and that was tough. I guess my biggest complaint is that nothing about her career is really remembered in fondness, not that I expected any.

Gracie; A Love Story by George Burns

Putting this one up next to the Shirley Temple just isn't fair, there was no possible way I wouldn't like this book. not only because George Burns was a funny man with a good sense of humor, but his wife was Gracie Allen and his two best friends were Jack Benny and Harpo Marx (coincidentally, those happen to be two of my most favoritest people in the world). So yes, I enjoyed it thoroughly. I would put the kid rating at like 13 and up or depending on what parents say- not that Burns is being unnecessarily crude, just honest, and it was written more for adults anyway. The cussing factor however is surprisingly low for a biography/autobiography written in the 80's. I want to give you a little snippet of the stories he tells, so here is my favorite, when he's talking about tricking his best friend Jack Benny;

"Another thing I admired about Jack Benny was that he thought I was the funniest man in the world. I could make him laugh so hard that he would literally fall down and pound the floor with his fist. Obviously, that was very embarrassing to him, so I tried to do it only when we were in public. Then I would tell people not to be concerned, he was only having a fit...

The worst thing I ever did to him took place at a party at his house. It was a lovely party, there were about one hundred fifty people there, and everybody seemed to be having a good time. But Jack took me aside and said nervously, "I don't the party's moving." "Sure it's moving," I told him. "Everybody's talking and drinking." He actually started to get angry. "I'm in show business to you know. I know if a party's not moving. This one isn't." What could I do? Tell him to take his pants off and put on a stupid hat? Absolutely. "You want to liven it up a little," I said, "here's what you do: go upstairs and take off your pants, put on one of Mary's big hats, then come downstairs in your shorts playing your violin." That appealed to him, "You think that'll make the party move?" "Oh yeah, sure." What else could I say? Trust me? Me?

As soon as Jack went upstairs I got everybody's attention and said "In a few minutes Jack is going to be coming downstairs in his shorts, wearing one of Mary's hats and playing the violin. When he does, don't pay any attention to him, Just ignore him completely." A few minutes later Jack appeared at the top of the stairs, wearing his shorts and one of Mary's wide-brimmed hats, playing the violin." And everyone ignored him. It took him only a few minutes to realize he was dressed in his underwear and a woman's hat, playing the violin and being ignored by one hundred fifty people. and then he realized I'd done it to him again. Jack pounded the floor. When he got his breath, he looked at me and said "NOW the party's moving."

Bottom line, I loved this book.

The last book on the list is Audrey Hepburn; An Elegant Spirit, written by her son, possibly the only not-adopted kid in Hollywood, Sean Hepburn Ferrer.

It's really more of a scrapbook than an autobiography, with plenty of glossy, full-scale pictures with helpful captions. Her son paints a brief but emotional image of her life and then moves on to talk about her as a person for the rest of the book. Lots of time is spent examining her: what kind of person she was, what kind of mother, wife, actress, etc. And I'll give you a little hint; he has nothing but good things to say about her. It's a nice book if your looking to find out what she was like as a person, but not a very helpful biography. A complete G-rating on this one.

Finished! Hooray! We've accomplished something! So on the subject of auto-biographies, I may as well tell you that I didn't find the one I really wanted. It's called Barney Fife and Other Characters I Have Known. Take a wild guess who wrote that one. The title somehow even sounds like it was said in his voice. Anyway, after watching a lot of TAGS and hearing that it's an essential in biographies department I was disappointed at not finding it. And so while were on the subject of Don Knotts (aren't I great at linking things up?) let us move on to our movie;

I love glossy old movie posters that just say it all for you.

This movie was never a classic and you may not have heard of it, but it's certainly nothing new to me. My dearest great-grandmother has been a fan of Don Knotts for years, and watching his collection of movies in her well carpeted living-room brings back many fond memories. However, I cut no movie any slack (even if it has the words 'Marx brother' or 'Muppet' in it! ). So where to begin? I think that the place the writers began was Don Knotts. It's first grade: if your going to have a movie in which your title character does a copious amount of freaking out, get Don Knotts. There's never been a better freaker-outer in the business. Can you imagine getting to write a movie for Don Knotts? It would be incredibly easy;
"OK, so what's the plot so far?"
"Well there's this haunted house."
"Ooh that's great! That's great."
"Yeah, and he has to spend the night in it."
"Why?"
"I dunno..we'll figure that out later. OK, so he's in front of the house..."
"And I guy pops out of the bushes!"
">laughs hysterically< Can you imagine his face?"
"OK, so then he goes into the house..."
"How? It has to be some funny way."
"He falls through a coal chute!"
"Awesome!"
"Then a phonograph starts playing!"
"Yeah, and then we do some mirror gag...."
"And the ghost starts playing the organ!
"Great!"

See what I mean? The majority of Knott's is acting skills in this movie...and for that matter most of his others....rely not his ability to say lines or portray emotion but to find a way to react hilariously to cornucopia of scary situations. Not that this makes him any less of a great comedian, but it does say something for this movie; and that is that brilliant original writing is not it's strong point. This plot has all the perfect elements of a "Barney Fife becomes a reporter" storyline.
I mean, it's inevitable that a guy like Don Knotts is going to be stuck playing the same kind of character in every film, so it's not the fact that there is virtually no difference between Luther Heggs from this story to any of the other characters he plays. Jim Nabors once said he asked Don how he managed to be so funny, and he replied "Well it helps to look like I do." Whether you slap the title Luther Heggs, Barney Fife, Mr. Limpet, Alexander Figg or whatever on him, he's always gonna be Don Knotts. Long story short, character development was not a problem for these people.

So what else is left? Plot, characters...music? OK, well that wasn't a problem either.The makers of this film apparently decided that the audience would either be busy studying Don Knott's facial expressions or kissing (this was the swingin' 60's) by thirty minutes into the movie, and no one would bother their sweet little heads about music. Well I, as an amateur movie reviewer did: and realized that it consisted of one tune, consisting of two notes, which sounded almost identical to the opening credits of The Addams Family which is played repetitively during the entire film. Yes, in case you wondering, it gets quite aggravating around the middle of the movie.

As far as other actors go, there isn't much to brag about. There's that guy who looks like a neanderthal who plays Sam's husband on Bewitched, an Irish fella who looks really familiar but whom I can't seem to place, and...other people. Oh, and I almost forgot, (and this is a plot spoiler) in the end, thirty-something Don Knotts gets to marry gorgeous model Joan Staley.
("Atta boy Luther!") Did I mention this movie was Don's personal favorite??

So anyway, bottom line; This, despite all the problems I just underlined, is a cute, moderately funny little movie that I'm sure anyone ages 6-11 would enjoy. My 8-year-old sister has watched it three times already, and that music is really starting to grate about now. It might be just slightly scary for littler kids (there's an invisible organ-playing ghost and a stabbed portrait, just judge for yourself) but it's doubtful anyone is going to be terrified.

So anyway, thanks for a long belated listen.

P.S. My class just started back, so from now, consider that an acceptable excuse for my long bouts of absence from this blog.

P.P.S. Anyone know of a good Christian/homeschooler magazine that takes submissions from teen unknowns? Thanks!

Prorogation, Morotorium, and the Little Weirdo

2011-08-16T15:15:00.000-07:00

Hello.

I have crawled back out of the abyss of its-not-a-famous-movie-star's-birthdayness, still lacking that promised post about the Marx brothers...in fact, lacking any kind of post by me at all...

BUT DON'T LEAVE!

However, in the nick of time, my good friend...whom I sort of forgot to ask if he wanted his name broadcast all over the internet so from now on we'll call him by his pen-name, The Little Weirdo, has written us a paradisaical analysis of one of those movies I am constantly hearing about but never actually go to see. (This is why I am writing in bold font, so that you know the difference) AND SO!!!! Without further ado I present the Little Weirdo and his thoroughly enlightening analysis of Thor;

When you walk into the theater and prepare yourself to see THOR, the flashing logo of MARVEL COMICS will present itself in the opening credits. MARVEL has created many characters we know as superheroes. Wolverine, Super-Man, and the like, they all seem to go along a basic stereotype: the dashing, brave, and gallant hero, a defender of justice, coming to the aid of all the damsels in distress. Thor, however, brakes away from this stereotype, in more ways then one.

Thor and THOR.

For those of you that don’t know, the original THOR comic was based on Thor, the Norse god of (Wikipedia lists them off) “thunder, lightning, storms, oak trees, strength, destruction, fertility, healing, and the protection of mankind.” However, (as Thor’s father Odin explains in a brief prologue) Thor, Odin, Loki and all the rest are not gods; they are aliens. Aliens, which came to assist the human race when the evil ice-giants attacked. (When I say “aliens”, I don’t mean little green people; they all look exactly like humans, except their attire is that of 2000 years ago.)

Now, this storyline may seem rather absurd, or even ludicrous. But I’d like to see you try and take a pagan religion from two millennium ago a turn it into a superhero movie. And besides: THOR is not about the ice-giants attacking us petty mortals, it is about Thor’s character, and how it develops; which turns out to be quite a compelling story.

Super…hero?

Peter Parker (protagonist in the movie “Spider-Man”) is a good example of stereotype superhero: He’s a nice guy, but has few friends at high school, can’t seem to charm a girl, and his general social life is down the tubes. Then, one day, he gets bitten by a radioactive spider, and Bang! Zap! He has super-strength; he can climb up walls, and shoot webs out of his hands. Fortune has struck him at last, and he dedicates his life to the protection of the citizens of New York.

It is almost a complete opposite scenario in Thor’s case.

Thor starts of as the famed son of Odin, the king of an alien kingdom (known as Asgard) light year away for our galaxy. Unfortunately for the audience, he is proud, arrogant, naïve, and foolish. After attacking enemy forces against his father’s will, Odin casts him out of Asgard to live among the mortals of the earth, and learn humility. When Thor arrives and finds that his powers have left him, he sets out on a quest to regain them, not knowing that Odin has made it so Thor will need more than muscle to regain his...um…godhood? This is unusual for a superhero movie, but it is cool that it’s when the protagonist loses his powers, that he starts to look the part of a hero. To make matters more interesting, Thor is on a time limit; his younger bother, Loki, sees Thor’s banishment as a chance to kill his father, and seize the throne.

Now for the bread and butter:

Storyline: 8.5/10

You’ll have to suspend you’re disbelief a bit, but other than that, it’s intriguing.

Storytelling: 9/10

This is done in possibly my favorite way; we start in the middle, (Thor’s arrival on earth) then we go back to the beginning, and finally get carried forward to the end.

Script: 7/10

not superb, but descent enough. It’s fun to have Thor’s ridiculous old-English styled lines mixed in with the confused, modern day American ones. (it is, however, riddled with a few swears and blasphemies)

Characters and character development: 9.5/10

I forgot to mention that Thor picked up some human friends while down here among us, these do not disappoint. Character development lends itself mostly to Thor, but does so very well.

Cinematography: 9/10

No particular shot comes to mind that takes one’s breath away, but even so the camerawork is excellent.

Conclusion:

THOR has much to offer in those 115 minutes. It is interesting and quite exiting to see it betraying the general superhero stereotype. In other words: Thor is not a good superhero movie, it is, however, an excellent sci-fi/ fantasy movie.

8.5/10

Although Peter Lorre and Porky Pig have made them self scarce, Thor is proof that them old movie-makers have still got it.

Amen brother, Amen. If only they would bring back Porky. Or maybe dress up Porky like Peter Lorre in "Mr. Moto" and then we'd have them both;

Well now I'm sorry you had to see that. I don't know what came over me. Thank you again J...uh...Little Weirdo, I'm off to be lazy again!

Happy Birthday Lucille Ball

2011-08-06T12:59:00.003-07:00

A hideously un-original title post, but perhaps we'll get some traffic from the people clicking on google today?

Don't get to excited to see this blog post up, because no, I have not been planning a "Lucy's Birthday Blog Bash" for a week. Actually, I just clicked on my Google and saw it there. Very sad, I know. I brag about knowing the names of Humphrey Bogart's parents, Peter Lorre's wives, and Marx Brother's elementary school, but I don't even remember Lucille Ball's birthday. I hang my head in shame.

So what can I tell you? That Lucille Ball is amazing? Certainly. But you probably already knew it. I often call "I Love Lucy" my "connection point" when I want to talk to people about classic television/movies, the subject I'm most versed in besides Volkswagen. Because, obviously, everyone loves Lucy. I'll give you a few facts about it first off; Lucy and Ricky were really married. They tied the knot in 1940, when Ricky was an up-and-coming bandleader. At the time Lucy was already the popular star of "My Favorite Husband", basically the I Love Lucy of radio days but without Ricky, Ethel and Fred to round out the cast. Preparing to bring the popular show to television, Lucy asked if the part could be played by her real life husband. The producers refused, saying that the television audience would never except a "Latino-type" like him. Irked, Lucy quit the show, and with their own out-of-pocket money they started I Love Lucy, predicted to end within one season, it has been on the air now for 61 years.

Why do people love Lucy? Easy. Slightly homely, dizzy, cocky, but well meaning and hilarious, and most of all behind that act of vanity it's easy to spot a very real, down-to-earth woman. Having worked hard to prove herself a good actress (Her drama coach at the academy told her she had absolutely no future as a performer) Her natural comedic talents managed to make the standard 1950's dumb-housewife formula an unforgettable icon for the often-lost patience and unconditional love of American marriage.

And did I read any of that on some other blog or tribute site? Absolutely not. No sarcasm intended.

So I sign off. If I had known today was her birthday I might have looked extra hard for her biography yesterday at the library, but instead I picked up Child Star by Shirley Temple Black, Gracie; A Love Story by George Burns and Audrey Hepburn, An Elegant Spirit by Sean Hepburn Ferrer. I'll keep you posted how they are.

So in conclusion, if you wanna make yourself happy, find some I Love Lucy on T.V. and watch it. It's still on, and if the Lord be willing, it'll be on for my kid's to watch too.

P.S. I love her for all the above mentioned reason, but she also appeared with some of my favorite people;

P.S.S. I, sadly, cannot watch I Love Lucy as we have no cable. Actually now, when I realize that the last thing I saw Lucy in was "Room Service", is the only time I've ever regretted that fact. Go figure.

No Time For Seargents or Contests or Blue Mushrooms

2011-07-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

I absolutely hate obligation.

Obligation turns normal, happy teenagers into huddled masses of self-loathing goo, to lazy and perfectionist to actually fulfill the said torturer, and yet unable to enjoy life and laziness because of the ever-present looming task. Never mind, I take all that back. I actually like blogging.

Heat, heat, heat. Gotta love this over-one-hundred degree heat we get here in the south! I tried playing "Sunshine on my Shoulders" by John Denver, but the meaning was kind of lost since it's actually party cloudy here, so it's more muggy and humid then sunny. I'm enjoying it thoroughly though, because yesterday night, a big ugly spider was seen under my bed and got away, and I wouldn't get back in the bed for two hours and even then I slept with horrible nightmares and cold-chills. So now, I like to believe that this spider who thinks he's all big and bad because he got away like that, is shriveling up and dying somewhere because his small hairy body can't take the 100 degree temperatures.

I believe in seeing the bright side of every situation, and that's about the only one there is.

And here I am without a Marx brothers post still (and please don't let that make you think I have something awesome planned, cause' I don't) I just thought I'd drop in and give you my opinion on the little feature I saw last night, a completely un-nostalgic war piece called "No Time For Sergeants".

*UPDATE*
This post was written at least six days ago, in that time, I've done absolutely nothing to help the world and humanity. And I still didn't finish any blog post. I believe in being honest as well as optimistic. I am a wonderful person.

Your movie today features Andy Griffith, young and curly headed, as a barefooted backwoods boy who gets drafted into the air force. Some guy named Nick Adams (who looks like a mix between Woody Allen and Don Knotts, and manages to be more annoying then the latter could ever dream of being) plays his friend Benjamin Whitledge, a nerd who also get drafted into the air force but wants to be in the infantry. As Wikipedia will tell you, in real life, the air force doesn't have an infantry. Just a cute little plot-loop I thought I'd bring up. But anyway, his obnoxious little friend wants to go, complaining that "In the Civil war, it was the infantry that did the fighting." A very interesting argument, especially since airplanes weren't invented yet. Aren't plot-loops fun? As you can probably tell, I didn't like that guy much. Anyway, goodhearted Will sets out to get them both transferred, which leads us to the second bad point about this (the first being his whiny sidekick); the plot starts halfway through the movie.

Also contributing is Myron McCormic, who I've never seen before, but God bless him. He looks like some kind of fish. He plays a Sergeant who's near-retirement is shattered by our dim-witted hero. I'd give you the rest of the plot but...that's it, basically. Some movies keep you guessing about the plot because they move to fast; this one does the opposite. It confuses you with the "Wait, we've been watching this for two hours? But nothing's happened! What in the world are they going to do in the rest of the movie?" I'll try summing it up this way, plot-point by plot-point;

1. Idiot get's drafted into the army.
2. Idiot meets nerd-friend.
3. Sun glass-wearing mean guy picks on idiot and nerd-friend (I suppose this plot would have worked equally well in a high-school setting?)
4. Very long, but admittedly funny bathroom joke that kills at least twenty minutes of film.
5. Other stuff happens.
6. More stuff.
7. the movie ends.

Sorry about that.

It could have been helpful or funny, but like I said I'm battling a sever case of the lazy. Let that be no reflection on the movie OR this blog.

Or numbered lists, which rock.

So on to analysis, the whole premise of this movie centers around the fact that Will Stockdale (Andy Griffith) is suppose to be as dumb as it is hot outside, which is an illusion I find hard to fall into after watching him play the wise old sheriff of a country town for as long as I can remember. Then there are other flaws, like the hopelessly un-likable complainer of a sidekick who is supposedly the smart one of the bunch, and the fact that it portrays nearly every other member of the air force and draft board as mean and corrupt. There was a refreshing cameo by Don Knotts, even though it wouldn't have been a cameo since he had no real career until the Andy Griffith show. I can tell you without looking on Wiki that Andy Griffith had something to do with his small role in the movie. The two were palls, and there would never have been any kind of Barney Fife at all if, a few weeks before shooting started on the Andy Griffith show, Don Knotts hadn't called up his friend to practically beg for a part. (Mr. Bird says I should run next years course on "Early 20'th century pop culture, just sayin') It's a funny little piece but it doesn't last long, and can't really save the movie which spends way too much of it's time building up for jokes that, funny as they are, aren't really worth the wait.

So it's not on my favorite movie list, but if your either a big fan of Andy Griffith or Don Knotts (who's film debut this is) It is of course recommended.

So moving on, I thought while we were all waiting for me to get off my lazy posterior I'd treat you to a little contest. Remember I said nothing could be cuter then movie stars with kids? I thought of something cuter; movie stars as kids! I saw them do this on Disney channel once, except that you will have to deal with grainy old black and white photos, of which I only found a few, for the obvious reasons that movie star's kids would get a heck of a lot more press then kid's before they were movie stars. Your job is to try and guess who's who, and comment with your best idea.I can't promise a prize but I do have a darn cool blue mushroom I found in the woods if you win. Here are your photo's;

1. This one is impossible, and not because the actor isn't well known, try not to think of "small, sweet and vulnerable.."

2. I'll let the prop in the photo speak for itself... 3. This is a girl, if you can't tell. When I who it is you'll laugh that you ever asked that.

4. Hasn't changed much at all, especially hair.

5. Now that I think about it and compare photos, this one hasn't really changed much either. The girl in the background does not matter.

6. It is important to note that both boys are famous.

7. I'll let you figure it out yourself, but look carefully at the face.

And there you have it. I hope my insipid little comments helped a little. Write in with your best guess if you think you know it and by 5:00 tomorrow I will leave a comment with all the names.

P.S. It should also be helpful to note that most of the people on here were featured with their kids in the last post, but you probably figured that out.

P.P.S. It took so long to write this I have no PPS. Enjoy going without, be glad you don't feel obligated to write for yourself everyday.

Just kidding! Keep commenting, keep me obligated!

Father's Day Film Nior Style!

2011-06-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

I know it is not father's day anymore. Seriously, did you expect me to spend father's day on my laptop writing odes to you people when I could be spending time with my Dad? Sheesh!

Just for that, I decided to wait a week to give you your blog post.

So anyway, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! I labored long and hard trying to come up with a good idea about what to do to make it a special occasion on this blog, something I don't often do. How do you make classic movies and father's day fit in together? Recommend a good movie about fathers and children? Give free copies of somebody's biography written by their kid? Finally it occurred to me, movie stars are people too, and most of them had kids at some point. What on Earth could be cuter then collected photographs of movie stars and their kids?

So whether you agree or not, that's the agenda, but first I'd like to say a few words about my Dad;

"There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
After the ride
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger."

That's actually a limerick. It's a five-line poem, and so far this is the worst Father's day tribute ever. So here is Naomi to tell you what she thinks of Dad;

"Uhm..he tickles! He is a tickle guy! He tickle us! I love him!"

Esther said; "Daddy is a goober head...Daddy is MY FAVORITE IN THE WORLD next to Bumbo. Actually...Bumbo is next to daddy." (Bumbo is a sock-puppet operated by Ruby)

Isabel said "Say...uhm...that he leaves his socks everywhere, he's a goober and I love him. And he is really really really weird. In a cosmic sort of way."

Ruby; "I love him very much and he's a great father and I love going fishing with him."

I love him very very much to. He is crazy, awesome, smart, funny and an expert on every nerdy little thing I could ask for. Nobody can be the perfect father, but in absolute honesty my Dad is the closest I've seen. He is an awesome Dad, a great friend and the best illustration for self-improvement and leadership in my life.

But sometimes, just sometimes, he reminds me very much of Mr. Krabs;

On we push, we can't all have my dad, so let's "aww" over some movie stars kid's shall we?

And so, in honor of Father's day, I present a father-themed celebration film-nior style by giving you guys a bunch of pictures of the movie stars I cover often here with their children, because as I said, nothing is cuter than movie stars with babies. Some of the pictures are pretty small but I was able to get most of the information about them from Wikipedia; I hope you enjoy and comment to tell me the cutest picture, somebody else you'd like me to look up, etc.

First off we have Bing Crosby with his wife and his two sons Nathaniel and Gary, probably sometime in the late 50's;

Then, to make things a little scary, Boris Karloff welcomes his first and only daughter Sara into the world, about November 23, 1938;

I should probably put the Marx brothers in their own post since I found several photos with them, these first two are Groucho with his youngest daughter Melinda (for some unknown reason all the Marx's daughters had names beginning with "M");

A family photo of Chico Marx with his wife, Betty, and only daughter Maxine, circa 1930's. And another, probably on the movie set for "Duck Soup";

These last four pictures are all Harpo's children, he adopted four; Bill (who I think is the one in the third picture, the oldest) Alex, Jimmy, and Minnie. The first one is from Wikipedia, taken in 1954, Los Angeles, and I think the last one is at their home, with his wife Susan, probably early sixties?

The saddest photo on the list, Lou Costello with his young son Lou Jr. nicknamed Butch. I heard this story several places before reading it in both Mel Blanc and Jack Benny's autobiography. Here is what Wikipedia says, and if it doesn't depress you I don't know what will, but in some ways, keeping with the spirit of Father's day;

"Upon arriving at the NBC studio, Lou received word that his infant son Lou Jr. had accidentally drowned in the family pool. The baby was just two days short of his first birthday. Lou had asked his wife to keep Butch up that night so the boy could hear his father on the radio for the first time. Rather than cancel the broadcast, Lou said, "Wherever he is tonight, I want him to hear me," and went on with the show. No one in the audience knew of the death until after the show when Bud Abbott explained the events of the day, and how the phrase "The show must go on" had been epitomized by Lou that night."

Then we have Danny Kaye playing piano and stretching on the golf field with his only daughter Dena (Dena Kaye, get it?) and wife Sylvia;

Don Knotts and some other unidentified people holding his daughter Karen. (looking up Andy Griffith's children only brought pictures of Ronnie Howard)

Lucy and Dezi, with their children....also named Lucie and Dezi;

Jack Benny, Mary Livingston (who was actually his wife, if you didn't know) and their daughter Joan, who looks weirdly like her mother for someone who was adopted. She was the co-author of "Sunday Nights at Seven", the biography of Jack Benny that I read. Long story short, she spoke very highly of her relationship with her father, and they make an awful cute family;

She was also the best friend of George Burns and Gracie Allen's children Sandra and Ronnie. No information on the first but the second was taken on the Matson flag ship, 1938. (from Wikipedia) Both George Burns and Gracie Allen and Jack Benny and Marie Livingston's marriages were life-long;

Humphrey Bogart visits Peter Lorre holding his only daughter Catherine (from TCM database) and Peter Lorre and wife Anne-Marie and Catherine at home in 1962, two years before his death.

And the piece de` Resistance, several adorable pictures of Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall with their young son Stephen;

So I'll stop putting photo's on before blogger sues me. I'm off to watch an MST3K with my Dad, one of the many traditions we have. So once again, HAPPY (slightly late) FATHER'S DAY!

All Thwough The Night

2011-06-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

Look..... It's DANNY KAYE!!

That is to wash the bad taste out of your mouth that's been given to you thanks to the seemingly endless string of Peter Lorre photo's going down on this blog. I just got it networked, which means I now have a Facebook page, and I realized that my last post (disregarding the one by Isabel), nay my last several posts, are simply chocked full of Peter you-know-who's pictures. I'm sure all you facebookians were oh so appreciative of that. The picture of Danny is also my little way of apologizing for not blogging sooner. (I love this idea, from now on, all my apologies are going to come in the form of a photo of Danny Kaye texted to someone's phone or posted to their fb wall. My theory being that eventually this way, I will have no friends left to apologize to) The first few weeks my excuse was a sincere one, as I was deep in the bowls of an educational pit I had dug for my self by not preparing for my final exam sooner. But after the finals were over, on the 3rd, I found myself so relieved, so free, and so not-caught-up on my movie reviewing that the mere idea of putting together a coherent block of wording for any reason whatsoever of my own free will was unfathomable. "After all," I figured, "I haven't blogged, emailed, or facebooked in awhile, maybe they'll just assume me dead, and go on with their lives never knowing what happened to me..."
But then I remembered that I don't blog by public demand, I blog because it's fun for me. And the realization that it had been so long since I blogged and no one said anything about it, even though you'd think that would be less motivation, did nothing but transform my subconscious into a bitter monster that will now blog and make you read every single post because I feel so utterly betrayed. Or maybe I'm just bored. You'll never, ever know.
So I'm now finally going to take time out from doing nothing to bring you a movie that I rented, watched and sent back at least a month ago, and never actually reviewed anyway besides concocting the dictionary guide which will be enclosed. And before you get your hopes up, it does have Peter Lorre in it, but not in a starring role. I decided the best way to cope with the unending string of his movies and their reviews was just to bite my lip and mention him as a member of the cast with no snarky comments about size, looks, or creepiness, before I get sued by his surviving family members, burned at the stake by some creepy fan club of his, or the zombie of the long dead movie star comes back and strangles me in my sleep. That's actually the least scary of the three, since he's pretty dang short and being an old dude when he died.....snap, I'm doing it again.
But anyway, as I'm sure you'll be grateful, I'll now try and get to the review. Our movie this week (I have no better introduction, darn it) is called "All Through the Night" and the title of the post, rather than being a typo, which wouldn't be super-surprising, is a reference to our lovely leading lady. But she's unimportant as I'm about to mention our leading man- HUMPHREY BOGART!!! I want to make that sound as cool as possible since it's gonna have to make up for a lot of other stuff, like plot and coherence and acting and climax...

But don't let me drop before I dish. Whatever that means.

This movie is one of those wonderfully predictable and yet cozy patriotic attempts on the part of Warner brothers. Made in 1942, it embodies the spirit of America during the time when even hardened criminals like gangsters were so much better than Nazis, you could make a whole movie about it. And who to lead the ball in the greatest face-off since ninjas and pirates? No one but Humphrey Bogart, who's gangster lingo will either make you giggle or cringe but either way is gonna seriously confuse you. Bogart plays tough-guy Gloves (that should be a warning) Donahue, a kind of comically harmless gangster type who although he can talk the talk and walk the walk, and threaten waiters, still takes care of his Aunt-Bea-esque Irish mother and buys the cheesecake from his friend, kindly-old German man who's name is unimportant. And who, subsequently, gets knocked off by Peter Lorre, a Nazi in league with a group of fifth-columnists (that means Nazi, I didn't know that) that are out to wreak havoc on native New York. The trail eventually leads to the beautiful but R-labialization-prone nightclub singer Leda Hamilton, played by the beautiful Mrs. Kawwen Vewn. Look, I know it's not nice make fun of people, but how can they seriously expect me not to crack up in the end when she looks at the camera, no shame, and says "I feel a little like the pwincess who been wescued fwom the dwagon by the white knight." Besides, I just found out she's Peter Lorre's wife. Kawwen Lowwe! This non-vindictiveness thing is getting harder and harder.

But moving on, we get Humphrey Bogart impersonating a Nazi, Phil Silvers and Jackie Gleason impersonating gangsters, and a mish-mosh of semi-climatic scenes and lots of dead-end kids style lingo impersonating a movie. The villain is played by the wonderfully cold Conrad Viedt (the super-bad Nazi guy from "Casablanca") who, ironically, is like the only German actor in the movie that played a Nazi and wasn't actually Jewish.

The movie is...cute, cute because it tries so hard to be cool. All the characters talk fondly of their days in the Bronx and in reform school (cause' apparently everybody in New York went to reform school at some time or other) and talk so much crazy Brooklynese you need a gangster to English dictionary to decipher it all. "A what?" you say. A gangster to English dictionary, and I'm giving one out free right here. This is a collection of common gangster words and phrases translated in to regular old snobbish English, so if you ever get transported back to the thirties and forties and find yourself on the streets of Brooklyn, your totally covered.

GANGSTER TO ENGLISH
-Guide for da average joik

"Serve you with a blackout." ----------- "I shall make you unconscious."

"We catch them with their panzers down" ---- "We defeat them using the element of surprise."

"Five grand on the snoz. ----"I am betting five thousand dollars on the previously stated party."

"Paid quite a load a' scratch for it." --------- "Purchased with a significant amount of money."

"Got a date with the hot-seat." ---------- "Is wanted for murder."

"Got me figured all wrong." ---------- "You have wrongly interpreted my intentions."

"Makes us look like little bo peep." ---------- "Significantly dwarfed our lawlessness."

"Used your joint to do their finagling in." --------- "They utilized your property for nefarious deeds."

"Some place across da drink." --------- "A location beyond the Atlantic ocean."

"Spill it to the cops." ---------- "Disclose the information to the authorities."

"No soap." --------- "But naught."

"Those babies are strictly no good from way down deep." -------- "This group of individuals is wicked to the soul."

"The first one of dem' babies I tag I'm gonna kick em' in da swastika." -------- "To the first human being I overpower, I will deliver a blow to the posterior."

"Somebody yanked him." --------- "He was abducted by an unknown person."

I swear every one of those is from the movie. I just went through at complete random, it was that bad. But anyway, and whether or not you decide that's actually amusing, this post has gone way too long. I want to direct you to something that's actually funny before I leave. You've probably heard me talk about the Marx brothers. Not on here, yet, but on facebook and stuff, and you probably know that in a few days when I find my blogging 'feet' again, your gonna get a heck of a lot of Marx brothers stuff. I want you to have a good introduction. On the "reviews" section of "Night In Casablanca" which is on the Netflix instant, someone posted a link to some letters by Groucho Marx. These letters were written to Warner Brothers after they sent a warning notice about the title of "Night in Casablanca", saying it was too similar to "Casablanca" and threatening legal action if it wasn't changed. This letter was sent in response, and is now enshrined in the Smithsonian museum. If this doesn't give you an idea of what your up against with the Marx brothers, nothing can.

So to conclude, I'm back, and unless I get really lazy, I'm gonna stay that way. Except that I am really lazy. So this conclusion was really un-helpful. Sorry.

P.S. I didn't mention God in this post. That's bad. I'm sorry God, you are good. No sarcasm intended. I feel better now. Sentence fragments are fun. I tend to end these things with an apology a lot. Huh.

P.P.S. So I look for Karren Verne pictures and this comes up. This is not even fair. This is Peter Lorre absolutely getting squashed by his wife who's ten-times his size, and I'm not supposed to say anything about it. Forget being nice, I'll risk the zombie attack. >insert uncontainable evil cackling<

Beware Your Dentist- A post by Isabel Hooker

2011-05-27T09:34:00.000-07:00

Uhm, OK...once upon a time there was a dentist and the kid went to the dentist and the dentist said "Don't eat bad food and stuff because you know how you see old ladies crossing the road with no teeth? That's cause' they eat ALL that yucky food and all their teeth fell out and now they eat GOOEY MUSH! So remember you brush your teeth or you'll have to eat mush toooo....." The End

-By Isabel Rose Hooker

The Man Who Knew Stuff

2011-05-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

And Now....

From the inner santum-ish depths of Alfred Hitchock, I bring you a 1935 thriller.....

THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH

Wow. I hate thinking up beginnings to these things.

Well first off, I'll tell you how I came to be watching a 1935 Hitchcock. I'm not a brave person when it comes to movies, I'm really not. And I have enough brains to know that turning on an ancient movie that's been on the freeplay for so long I'm liable to end up banging my cranium against a blunt object to rid myself of intense boredom. However, that night ( many moons ago, I wrote this post back in the days of no internet. Well, less internet) I was feeling especially brave, and with Ruby, a cozy blanket and some popcorn I figured I couldn't go wrong with any movie. I turned on "The Man Who Knew Too Much" from a million other Hitchcocks just off the very slightly interesting fact that it was Peter Lorre's ( I told you we would be seeing a lot of him, poor people) second film and first in Britain, so he didn't know any English and learned his lines phonetically. No, not really enough to keep attention if the movie became really boring (which I might as well tell you, it did) but it still enabled us to add some clever quips during the really confusing parts, when the wonderful Mr. Hitchcock seems to lapse into his own little world and knowing English doesn't help a bit.

Basically, the movie follows the adventures of some high-life family unfortunate enough to make friends with a French spy- just in time to see him get knocked of. Even more unfortunate is when the spy passes on some vital information about a planned assassination (read it again, that rhymed) to them, prompting the baddies (predictably Peter Lorre) to kidnap their daughter in order to ensure their silence. And so, the lovely wife, her not-so-lovely husband, and some weirdo with a greasy mustache who apparently lives in their house set out to prevent the killing and rescue their daughter. I mentioned the boring, which isn't really as bad as may be expected from something this ancient. I also mentioned that some scenes tend to spiral into utter confusion, like an interestingly random chair-throwing sequence and some weirdness about skiing in the alps. To add a few to the list of cons, nobody in the two Alfred you-know-who's I've seen seem to know what dying or taking a bullet looks like. Not that I do, but I would assume that when being shot and dying slowly one would experience some kind of pain and perhaps exclaim or express this in voice or facial expression, however in Hitchcock the process seems to be to look down, notice the bullet hole and slowly fall asleep, whenever it is comfortable and convenient.

So there you have it. I really wish I had some funny pictures to post except this next one, which is a freakishly and realistically sad idea of what Peter Lorre looked like in "The Man Who Knew Too Much" by my (quote from her) "lovable, adoring sister Ruby..." And before you scroll down I would like all of you with weak hearts to leave and the rest to take a deep breath because this thing can be pretty horrifying;

Yeah, I'm sorry. The utter and complete terror that you are experiencing is a completely normal human emotion, so you may feel free to scream. The repugnance is only increased by the fact that the monstrosity has no neck or head and is floating on a field of ghostly white. Thanks Ruby, now my entire readership are going to be reduced to panicky weirdos who lock themselves in their houses and huddle under their covers for fear that the zombie of Peter Lorre will come and eat them. And as much as I can't think of any reason why she would do such a thing, I am equally perplexed about my mental condition when I assembled this;

It's a collection of Peter Lorre's caricature's in various cartoons, and yes, Ren is one of them. It was originally meant to be funny. I even added the little "Coming to get you" thing in order to make it seem like an effort in humor. But it's not. It's scary and I'm beginning to fear that my blog will become a place that people stumble upon to and are instantly taken aback by the fact that it looks like a Peter Lorre fan club. I just thought it was interesting that there were that many children's cartoons terrorized by the image of Peter Lorre. Sorry again.

P.S. I know what your thinking, and yes, I do a lot besides sit around and think up ways to publicly humiliate a guy who's been dead for 50 years.

P.P.S. I didn't even give you a recommendation. Yes, watch it. It probably won't entertain you but at least if you survive you'll know your tough enough to take any old movie I can dish at you, plus it's great for riffing like your an MST3K expert. And another thing; Blogger did it again. I don't even have to say. Thank you blogger. Not.

A Guide To Peter Lorre's Facial Expressions (And The Boogie Man Will Get You)

2011-05-16T08:01:00.000-07:00

I have like, a million and one reasons not to be blogging right now. A poster project that is due tomorrow, a memorization project to work on, and exams to study for plus I already have four reviews written and saved on my computer. However I couldn't resist since I watched this movie last night and it is still fresh in my mind. And, for a brief moment, wonderful, gracious Windstream has allowed us access to the internet we paid for. So without further a due;

The Boogie Man Will Get You
( a completely irrelevant title, when you think about it. There is actually no mention whatsoever of a boogie man, but during the last few scenes, I wouldn't have been surprised if he showed up as a pizza man, it got that random.)

Now you may think that any movie titled "The Boogie Man Will Get You" would star either Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi or Peter Lorre- and you'd be right. Welcome to horror-comedy-pun
heaven.

Of all three heroes of horror, only Lugosi is missing, and you'll never even notice he's gone- the movie's breakneck-speed plot and confusing elements will make sure of that. Meanwhile, Boris Karloff stars as a dim-witted, well-meaning doctor who lives in the basement of a proverbially creepy old tavern, where he preforms his experiments to create the ultimate superman. Winnie Slade (Miss Jeff Donnell) a perky minnie-mouse-esque girl with an eye for antiques, purchases the tavern, complete with professor and laboratory, with the intent of making it into a hotel. Peter Lorre (I told you he'd be in it) plays the towns resident mayor/coroner/sheriff/ hair-tonic salesman/crazy cat guy who assists in the professor's experiment with eye on potential profit. And because that isn't nearly enough to keep a plot going according to director Lew Lahr, there's also two farm-animal obsessed old servants who'd kill to get a homestead, a choreographer who's not really one, a random old man who gets murdered, an extremely stupid powder-puff salesman, two really thick cops, a nearby ammunition plant and eventually, a human bomb. Plus Larry Parks as Winnie's long-suffering ex-husband, who although he tries really hard, just can't be Cary Grant. I'm sorry.

If it sounds confusing to you, congratulations, your right. With creaky old houses, an abundance of dead bodies, murderous old people and Peter Lorre, it's no surprise my first thought was "Sequel to Arsenic and Old Lace", but it will have to qualify as prequel, since it was made a good two years before. And since I know your wondering, yes it's funny, no it is no where near Arsenic and Old Lace, but it is funny.

And speaking of Peter Lorre-

I have seen way to many of his movies. It's unreal. Seriously, I'm looking right now and all the reviews I have saved here are Peter Lorre films, or at least have him in it. Wowzers, that's frightening. Kind of like Peter Lorre. Still in the advent of seeing so many you-know-who movies, I have found that I am now able to read his facial expressions, and have here created a helpful beginner's guide to the looks of impending doom he gives the other cast members throughout his movies. Would you like to see it? Of course you would. Let's take for example The Boogie Man Will Get You. This first one is very easy, it says;

This one is just a bit more complicated, but if you look very hard, I think you can figure it out;

And we've all had that happen to us. This is one we see a lot;

Sorry if the wording is small but the look must be preserved. This is also a common one I think we all have on our face at least once a day. This look means;

This look holds a very precise warning;

And to finish off;

So there you have it. If that many pictures of Peter Lorre doesn't keep you from sleeping for a week I don't know what will.

P.S. I love you all like you were my grandmother ( some of you are) and that will stop me from killing you, which is why I will go now before my mother bans me from blogging at risk of losing any kind of future career. Thank you.

P.P.S. Another review tomorrow, I promise! God Bless!

A Review Without An Introduction Even Though It Needs One

2011-05-14T13:46:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched Secret Agent.

You know, the universe amazes me. See, My viewpoint was that if Peter Lorre ever donned a mustache and became a womanizer, reality would implode. I guess its a lot stronger than I thought it was.

So while my eyes are still burning from that, I bring you my humble opinion on a movie that, although from a very famous director and, at least, is full of promise plot-wise, is really better left lost in antiquity. It attempts to explore the moral dilemmas of a team of elite agents- lead by Ashington, a stuffy British soldier who returns from war to find that the government has declared him dead, and is re-assigned as a...you know, secret agent. His gorgeous confident assistant, blonde Elsa, and the assassin of the of group; short ,creepy, MUSTACHIEOD Peter Lorre. I'd like to tell you his name in the picture but for no apparent reason other than to frustrate and befuddle ME they make his name impossible to catch, in the beginning calling him by the nickname "the hairless Mexican" (thank the good sweet Lord in heaven that he is not actually bald and doesn't try to fain a Spanish accent), he introduces himself throughout the picture by some long belated name that thanks to his thick Hungarian lilt I can't even try to understand, and just to confuse things everybody calls him the "general". I feel thoroughly Vertigo-ed, thanks Alfred.

So anyway, the team's mission is to find and eliminate a German spy on his way into enemy territory, which leads them into a kind of who-dunnit and eventually, the moral dilemma I mentioned when the spy turns out to be a kindly old man with a wife and dog.

Although some scenes are well-done (crispy on the outside and soft and chewy within, tee hee) like the dark train ride through enemy territory and an interesting shot inside a Swedish bell-tower, while others- for example the ridiculous Mt. Climbing thing and the SPOILERS* (well like 75 years ago) train wreck sequence at the end are cheesy to just plain confusing. I don't mean to pick bones with the dead, especially Alfred Hitchcock- cause for some reason I got it in my mind he'd be a freaky zombie- but it's a movie that can leave you laughing, bored, or interested, depending on how accepting you are of this genre of film-making.

And how accepting you are of a woman-chasing Peter Lorre in a mustache, which by the way, I'm not.

Now I had developed some really cool "Secret Agent Character Files" (which yes, you wouldn't have gotten unless you'd seen the film, but hey, they made me laugh) to put up, but unfortunately I fell under the very flawed impression that because it worked on notepad it would copy and paste to blogger without a hitch. It's easy to see where I went wrong. So unless I sit down and type the whole thing out for you again, you will never get to discuss Ashington's snobbiness on a scale of 1 to 10 or the General's bad habit of leaving LOADED PISTOLS next to German spies. And I'm feeling rather lazy to day. Bummer for you.

P.S. You- may have noticed that mt internet is back. Hooray! And you lucky people are in for treat as I have at least five reviews written and more on their way, so keep checking back!

P.P.S. On the off chance that you were actually looking for a helpful review (in which case you are on the wrong blog) I found one here if you scroll all the way to the bottom at the first member review. I read it and I have to say, I have been outdone. This guy thoroughly exams the movie, actors, sets, plots, pros, cons, etc. accurately (well, he forgets to mention the mustache). And while were with guest reviewers, the "Little Wierdo" (AKA Jonathan Hartzell, who named himself, I'm not being mean) is quoted to have said "Watch this movie just for the sake of saying you did. Or something to that effect..." Whereas Natalie has been quoted to have said "Disregard anything the Little Wierdo says." But I happen to agree with him. It's not the kind of movie I suggest rushing out to see, but it won't kill you, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So yes, if you happen to find this one free or on the Instant Queue or something, watch it. And then we can both snicker over my character files. Thank you.

A Fifteen-Year-Old's Graph of Film Nior Entertainment

2011-04-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

Hi again.

I have to apologize for the fact that this is all the introduction your going to get right now. If I were in the "blogging mood" I'd be able to think up a whole post and not a measly little diagram.

So...I was cleaning the kitchen today, thinking about whether I was going to watch "Secret Agent" or "A Night In Casablanca" when it came to me- how a fifteen year old girl in a modern society can be so entertained by thing films that were created for a completely different audience. What is it about old movies in contrast to new ones that make me so interested? Is it just that film was better done, better acted, better made? Timelessness that I'm rediscovering? If all the fifteen-year-olds in the world were exposed to good old films, would it become the new phenomenon? Or is it some taste of mine that makes me like old movies so much? I decided to try and solve the riddle of appeal in old movies by illustrating and examining my own tastes. Here I have a graph I constructed of the things that make me laugh out loud V.S. the things that bore me, or make me sad or make me snicker with cheesiness. I hope at least some of this is understandable. You'll need to click on this in order to read it;

Well I don't think that helped at all.

But at least now I have a nice, illustrated, somewhat scary view of the way my mind works concerning old movies.

If you need a memory jogger, here are the movies I used in formulating these observations. From right;

1.The Maltese Falcon
2. The Maltese Falcon and Casablanca and everything else he's in.
3. Arsenic and Old Lace
4.Dead End
5. Arsenic and old Lace
6. The Maltese Falcon again
7. Tea for Two and Casablanca
8. The Man Who Knew Too Much, Secret Agent
9. To Be Or Not To Be
10. The Inspector General, White Christmas
11. The Inspector General, White Christmas

At some time in the far-fetched future I plan to actually review one of these films that I keep hinting about watching. Mmm...movie reviewing. I should try that some time, shouldn't I?

Let Me "Borrow" a Little of Your Time (tee-hee)

2011-04-18T18:32:00.000-07:00

Hi.

I'm not doing a darn thing right now so I figured I would blog for you. Your welcome ;)

With that confident attitude, I launch into a post that is about two weeks overdue. But that is so not what I'm here to write about. I'm here to write about that stupid pun, and by that I mean I'm here to review "The Borrowers", hence that stupid pun that I used in the title as a warning sign, a red flag for your brain to encounter and ask itself, do I really want to read this?

Anyway, I'm glad you threw caution to the wind and decided to read anyway, because today I have a treat for you.
I rented the borrowers nearly two weeks ago, under the pretense that if it was good I could write about it and if it was bad I could rant about it. What I discovered was that I couldn't even watch it. Now I know what your thinking...this is the person who can watch a Littles episode at least 27 times without having an aneurism. I watched Squirm and still managed to giggle thirty minutes in. I even sat through most of Space Jam. If I can't watch it man, no one can.
But that's not what I mean when I say I couldn't get through the Borrowers. I Just didn't have the attention span, or the time. I know it makes me a lazy reviewer, but with a trip to NC coming up, moving soon, and a symposium on the way, I really gotta cut my losses, and frankly, The Borrowers started out kind of slow. So while I was thinking about how I'm slop compared to Roger Ebert, I got the bright idea. "Didn't I rent this movie for the kids anyway? Don't I review kids movies according to how well kids like them?" So instead of racking my poor central nervous system for witty things to say about a film I didn't even watch, I let my little sisters "guest star" on my blog, which they were thrilled to do.

So please put your peebles together for our guest reviewers!!

First up is Isabel, who is 8 years old, loves Scooby Doo and the Littles, and has some kind of caffeine complex that gives her unbridled, unfailing resorts of energy. In other words, she's really, really hyper. This is how I think a conventional magazine interview works, but I probably wouldn't know since I only read one a long, long time ago.
It was Brendan Fraser.
Talking about the Mummy.
I love the Mummy.

(Me) "Hey Izzy, what did you think of the Borrowers?"
(Iz)"I thought it was really really good. Are you writing down everything I say?
(Me) "What did you think of the characters?"
(Iz) "I thought it was good, I thought it had good animation. Really, are you writing down all the words I say?"
(Me)"Uhm...it wasn't animated."
(Iz)"Oh. I know- it was real life, but I liked how they made them very small."
(Me)"Oh, OK. Anything else?"
(Iz) "Well...I kind of didn't like 'Greenpea'. The name. I didn't like the name."
(Me) "Is that all you want to say about it?"
(Iz) "Yeah. But about the Little's book. Tell them I LOVED the Littles book. I want you to read more today!!!"

The conversation was becoming off-topic so I instead presented the question to Esther, who is five, likes about the same things as Isabel, and is about the cutest person in the universe.

(Me) "I'm gonna ask what you think about the Borrowers. What did you think?"
(Es)"I can't remember."
(Me)"You can't remember anything about it?"
(Es) "Well...they fell out of their car...the boy started finding them. A guy dug a hole inside their wall cause' they moved. They fell out of the car. They borrow stuff."
(Me)"Uhm...did you like the characters any?"
(Es)"Mm-hhm, I liked the girl one. the two boy ones and their father and their mom, I liked all of them. Two boys and two girls. Five of them."
(Me)"Ok...was it like the Littles any?"
(Es)"Yeah! Like they used those helmets like...those nuts for helmets. They got lost. Because they fell out of the car. This hurts, Locksley this really hurts. Its really tight. Look at my finger! It's got a bow on it."
(Me)"OK, well thanks for your help. Anything to say in conclusion?"
(Es)"Yes, something about Looney tunes. We watched the first movie of bugs bunny, the first one. Would you read your whole copy to me?"
(Me) My first copy of what?"
(Es) "Of this! Duuuuhhh...."
(Me)"Go watch your Littles, Esther."
(Es) "I don't want to. I don't want to see Dinky get eaten."
(Me)"Bye Esther."

Again, the topic drifted. Then I consulted film expert Naomi, who is aged three, enjoys Wonderpets and Backyardigans, and if anyone could equal Esther in cuteness....

(Me)"Naomi, what did you think of the Borrowers?"
(N) "What?"
(Me) "The Borrowers, do you remember?"
(N) "OH! The borrowers are stealers. They steal...toys!! It's a famous movie."
(Me) "Are they like the Littles?"
(N) "Yes."
(Me) "How?"
(N) "Cause they got...tail! Wait, they not got tails. They got tails! Borrowers got toys they can play with!"
(Me) Here's a Picture of them, remember?"
(N) "Yes. Dose ones are catchered!"
(Me)"Do you want to watch their movie again?"
(N) "No."
(Me) "Why not?"
(N) "Just kidding!"
(Me) "So you want to watch it again?"
(N) "Yes."
(Me) "Why?"
(N) "Cause get a video of it!!"

I tried eleven-year-old Ruby, who entered the room and tried to dress in peace.

(Me) "Ruby, what did you think of the Borrowers?"
(R) "Uhm...uh, it was a cute movie."
(Me)""Anything else?"
(R) Uhm..it...was...cre-a-tive. I guess, sorta- but it was a funny movie. Well...cute, anyway."
(Me) "Is that all?"
(R) "Mm-hmm."
(Me) "Oh come on!"
(R) "Look, I got no pants on, all right?"

So, instead of wrapping up with a deep, philosophical view of the universe. (Cause I normally do that , remember?) I'll leave you with those three adorable girl's views. Not that Ruby isn't' adorable or anything, but you know....Mom's only observation about it was that it had some cussing, so you should definitely keep that in mind. And there I leave you. Remember: God is good, getting catchered is bad, and hair-bows on your finger hurt A LOT.

P.S. Looky! I figured out how to put pictures on the other side!!!

P.P.S. Ugga ugga boo ugga boo boo ugga!!

........Ruby will get it........

Two Incredibly, Amazingly and Pathetically Awesome Things

2011-04-08T07:29:00.000-07:00

I really shouldn't be posting right now...

A. Because of guilt that I haven't reviewed "The Borrowers" yet.

B. Because I don't actually have the time.

But I am doing it anyway because Ah'm a rebel, and I have two awesome things to show you.

This, was under my teacher's facebook page as "One of the Seventeen Funniest Things You Will Ever See In Your Life. Ever." and teacher knows best, the title says it all.

And this is a link to a rockin'-awesome new blog a good friend of mine put up (I'd give her the glory but I think she likes being unanimous) Give em' a look!

Three's a Charm: A Really Long, But Hopefully Helpful Review of Three Children's Movies

2011-04-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

This is sort of an apology. Sort of. I meant to watch the Dead End Kids last night, I really did. I as even going to write it on my arm but I have been banned from all the sharpie markers in the house under pain of death by my Father. I don't blame him, he pays good money for them. Besides, he's not here often and I know where they are.
Anyway, I didn't watch it. I watched Doctor Who: A Christmas Carol instead. At first I as thinking "What will I tell the people who read my blog, I didn't review the Dead End Kids! And then I realized, why should I answer to you folks? Am I gonna let a few blog-readers control my life?

The answer is yes. I LOVE YOU ALL AND I'M SORRY I WAS SO NEGLIGENT...!!!

So tonight after I write this review I will make myself some popcorn, cozy up on our couch, gather my extremely poor attention span and watch it. I promise. For now, I am going to give you parent/babysitter/older sibling types a comparison of the kids movies I've seen recently, because sadly, that's all I've watched this week. But since I've been sick, and my ability to entertain myself by 'riffing' these films, thereby watching the whole thing with my sisters has made me the most awesome person in the world to them, it's all cool. So here they are. Bear in mind that these are not ones I chose to represent the categories of good, bearable and worse but simply ones I watched this week and an therefore sort of categorized that way. Off we go!

1. Fantasia 2000

By far it is unfair to include this one in the mix because ask any simpleton on the streets and it is a no brainier. Of course this movie is the best of the three! You don't even have to scroll down and look at the other two to decide that. Fantasia has been appraised by critics and parents for years, but here is the real question; will the kids like it? I think they will. Most people think that kids today would be bored of classical music since most of the current children's shows incorporate rock/pop riffs into their programs. I don't think that has anything to do with it. First of all, classical is still music- currently popular or not, it still has melody and rhythm and can invoke emotion. Besides, Fantasia and Fantasia 2000's idea was to incorporate music with visual images, so it keeps attention without the Hannah Montana.
In other words, your kid doesn't have to listen to Beethoven to enjoy it, but two things should be kept in mind- one, that as much as I think it's a great one to have in the home, it's really not something that will mesmerize when you want an instant-attention-capturerer. Also, for some reason Disney studios decided it would be a great idea to end the Fantasia movies...both of them...with a dark, scary creep-fest of a number that is supposed to represent "Heaven and Hell". In the 1940 version it's such a mellow-dramatic thing we don't even let the kids watch it. In the 2000 version it's far more do-able, but it still made Naomi go into hysterics and demand that I make the burnt forest grow back. It's a gorgeous, dazzling masterpiece of a film and no amount of over-glorification will ever ruin it for me....In other words, yes I recommend it because it's an awesome movie and a great way to expose your kids to some impressive classical music....or maybe put them to sleep. Whichever comes first ;)

2. The Littles; Here Come the Littles

Bet you could have seen this one coming, couldn't you?

And no, I'm not going to talk about the complicated inner-dynamics of a show I've watched WAY to much of for my own mental health, nor am I going to use this paragraph for some well-practiced Dinky bashing....instead I'm gonna actually sit and write a nice helpful review like a nice helpful adult person who has no earthly idea what Mr. and Mrs. Little's first names are.

Like I said, Fantasia really does not deserve to be in the list because it is one of those critically acclaimed, five-star children's films that cost $20.00 on DVD, whereas this one and the next are (literally) the kind of thing you can watch for free on the Netflix instant queue. But still, twenty buckaroos are hard to come by these days, so who can tell which is more helpful? Here Come The Littles ranks as only a fraction of an inch above average on the "straight to video kids movies from the 80's and 90's" scale. Its for an age group somewhere between the sappy, annoying Land Before Time series and below the freaky over-emotional Secret of Nihm. (Yes, thank you. I know I am acquainted with far to many children's movies.) But unless you have fond...very fond....childhood memories there's not a whole lot for adults, which for a plus means the humor is squeaky clean. Another plus is the good examples of the children- Tom and Lucy (unlike many other sister/brother pairings fictional and non fictional I could name) don't hate or fight with each other, don't smart off to their parents, and wash their hands before every meal. So maybe your kids won't come away with brilliant ideas about saving the world, but they won't learn a new cuss word either.

But if you happen to be a tall, clumsy fifteen-year-old who plays with her siblings a lot, do yourself and your self-esteem a favor and don't let them watch it. I have my reasons.

3. The Missing Lynx

Last and least on our list is another from the very annoying bowels of Netflix's over-glorified collection of freebies- a dragging, bore-you-to-death hour and a half of weird over-done environmentalist ideas about caged animals coupled with chunky video game graphics for animation. It starts out slow, and then just when you it's gonna get exciting....it gets slower. The plot drags like four tons of molasses running uphill in January, and yet, my little sisters were so captivated they watched it twice. And then it was promptly forgotten. As far as I know (in truth I missed several scenes due to a headache and severe boredom) it is family-friendly and mostly clean, with mild scatterings of crude humor. Oh, and it has annoying British/Australian accents for all the characters. Normally I would praise a movie for fun foreign accents, (have I mentioned I love Doctor Who??) but these are far from fun- the slow, deliberate dialects of every single voice makes the dialogue seem as leadenly lethargic as the plot.

So there you have a nice overview and recommendation order for three movies. If your really serious about finding a movie for the family to watch together, go out and pay your mo-nay for Fantasia 2000 and it'll be worth it. If your just looking for something cheap for kids night, go with the Littles. And if you don't give a Peebles what they watch because your not going to be in there- The Missing Lynx is the movie for you......r kids.

P.S. Sorry again about the Dead End Kids. During the production of this post I discovered that the movie I actually want to rent is the first of a series. The official name is Dead End and it stars Humphrey Bogart as a gangster who comes back to the slums of New York where he was from and ends up leading a group of street children astray. I rented it from Netflix and it should be here soon, along with The Borrowers. Await with bated breath oh faithful readers!!

P.S. I realized with horror today that my last post not only lacked a photo of Porky Pig but included one of Dinky Little. So to make up for that and prevent future problems;

Ain't He CUTE, folks...?!!

Me N' Ebert

2011-03-28T10:44:00.000-07:00

I have decided firmly that I have an enemy. That enemy is Roger Ebert. Let me explain.

So I'm on Netflix.com, I'm shirking doing my speech and I'm looking at this old movie I liked as a child, "The Borrowers" since the kids have been watching so much of "The Littles", you see the relevance. I click on "Reviews" and accidentally hit "Critic Reviews" and there is Roger again. "Good Lord! That man is everywhere!" but I click the link anyway, and read his review which is about as helpful as if I had said "There is this movie about people and they are small." Then I look at his review of the Muppet Movie. Then his review of Muppets Take Manhattan. Then Space Jam. Then Loony Tunes: Back in Action. And I have come to this conclusion; me and Roger Ebert are psychological opposites. If you put the two of us in a room together I think the universe would implode.
Ebert believes the Muppet Movie is good but nowhere near Who Framed Roger Rabbit. He compares it to getting to see the origins of Spider Man. He believes Kermit's character only really comes into his own in Muppet's Take Manhattan. (?!) Then things get worse. He calls Space Jam "...a happy marriage of good ideas..." I just about passed out "Dear GOD..." I thought "This man liked Space Jam and he is not in an asylum..." No, he is not. He is being payed out the wazoo to review movies while I am an unknown. And look, I know what you might be thinking- You didn't see Space Jam. Maybe you remember that it sold really well in the 90's. I read that. I'm willing to face the possibility that the population at large once thought it a decent film. All I'm asking is that if you think that, go and watch it. Right now. If it doesn't make you want to commit suicide in a violent way, tell me, and I will immediately seek help for my seriously delusional fantasy about what is obviously a remarkable movie.
Not only does he believe...that to be...you know...not...terrible, in his review of Looney Tunes: Back in Action he supports the uneducated view that Daffy Duck is the best looney Tunes character and Bugs Bunny would be nothing without him. I would love to argue this theory out with him in an informed adult way, but due to my lack of maturity I'm sure I would end up just whacking at him with a large blunt object until I forced him to take back what he said, because honestly and truly, Bugs Bunny rocks. Daffy is no where close. Seriously.
So now I'm forced to ask the question; what exactly makes a good reviewer? I mean really, if I wanted to be the next Roger Ebert (not that I do), what would I need to get good at? Is it based on recommendation? If I say "go watch this" and people do and the majority of them enjoy it, does that make me a good reviewer? Or vise-versa? Or is it maybe based on my ability to sell the film? If I write a review that makes you go "Oh my goodness! I have got to see this Space Jam film! It sounds awesome!!" is that it? Or...vise-versa? Or maybe the inevitable conclusion is that movie reviewing is really and honestly the easiest job in the universe because it doesn't actually matter a flyin' flip what you write about films? Gee. This could get real depressing and philosophical real fast.

But I ain't gonna go there. I know I'm nowhere near reviewing blockbusters from an office in New York or having my T.V. show and book, but look Ebert, I'm tellin' ya now- watch out. I am not discouraged. I am both younger, nicer, better looking, (but seriously, does he not look like a flesh-and-blood caricature of Carl Frederickson from UP?) And if you say one snide thing about Porky Pig, I'm comin' after ya man. No joke.

So that's what I've got for today. A slight cold, gloomy weather and too many episodes of "The Littles" have put me in a jealous, violent mood. Speaking of violence and the Littles, I want you to meet someone;

This is Dinky. Ruby had a dream about him and I have been continually taunting her with him all week. Although it has been one of the funniest things ever, it has made me realize a malicious, unstoppably evil side to myself I never knew was there. So I'm making the public announcement now that I'm going to stop before I end up searching the globe for someone who looks and sounds exactly like him (poor dope), acquiring a marriage license, fanangling Ruby into a wedding dress and forcing them both to an alter. A week ago I would have put it past myself.

And yes, before someone asks I do plan to review another movie. This time I think I'm going to try one of the popular (in the 1930's) comedies "The Dead End Kids" about a bunch of kids with goofy names like "Mugsy" and "Slick" who all talk like Bugs Bunny growing up on the streets of New York.

P.S. Well look, Ebert has been making fun of people for years, can't I just have a couple laughs before he kicks the bucket?'

P.P.S. If I rent "The Borrowers", it to will be reviewed. A million promises.

One Saturday Morning

2011-03-26T12:34:00.000-07:00

The title means something, but since this post is not limited to that something, I feel it my duty to say that since I'm writing this on a Saturday, I just felt it appropriate.

It's one of those rainy, stay at home Saturdays, In which you either mope around all day or watch Star Wars. You may not believe that the choices are that limited, but they are. Trust me. If your not watching Star Wars right now, your moping, and that's why your on your computer. Be in denial all you want.

For me however, I choose to watch Star Wars with popcorn on my knee and my Dad and Mom and sisters and a cozy blanket. In a minute. Right now I'm gonna blog, and I'm gonna blog about television, because if there's one thing rainy Saturday mornings makes me think of, it's television.

This might be what you call a "trip down memory lane" post, but really since I'm fifteen there's not much of a memory lane to stroll down. It's just that the other night me and Ruby were talking about what shows we liked to watch as children, which led me to remember what T.V. used to be like for me as a kid in the late 1990's. Although it's really a cozy 'those were the good old days' subject for me to talk about, the only time I can remember watching T.V. was by myself. I never made a special point to watch any particular show, and there was no kind of "family telly time" in our household. In fact, until I was about 8 or 9 years old, I don't even think we owned a television that got most of the common cable channels, hence my consistent reference to things like "The Muppet Movie" and "The Brave Little Toaster" as being the fond reminiscences of my childhood. But there was one place where I could catch the best of the 1990's in syndication. At my grandparent's house. As a special addition to all the fun therein, I was allowed to sit for 24 hours straight if I pleased and catch up on anything I had missed. And man, they had cable.

While it sounds like I'm referring to the earlier half of my kid-hood (after all, in 1999 I was only four years old) actually, I doubt that any of these things would have held my interest.....since they weren't Barney....until I was a bit older. But still, Wikipedia tells me I'm not wrong in my time placement so, perhaps I underestimated my love for things outside of big smiley purple dinosaurs. There is one show that I know for sure I loved with a fiery fervency that Barney would have turned and ran in the face of- The Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo Show. Man. Beyond God, my immediate family and perhaps a few select brands of candy I doubt there was anything I cared more about. It was my number one topic of conversation for new friends, the number one choice of game for my young cousin when she was with me, it was the thing I lived for when I was at Nina and Papa's house on those fondly-remembered weekends away. Scooby Doo still captivates my sisters in a way that baffles me. The show is no funnier than any other average cartoon of the late 60's (the Jetsons, the Flintstones, etc.), no scarier than the Wizard of Oz. Not to mention that the main character is a gluttonous coward. But as strange as it is, who am I to say anything? I too was captivated. Which leads me to the first of what I remember about childhood T.V. - Cartoon Network used to rock.

When I was kid they not only showed Scooby Doo marathons on the weekend (as if we needed more) As part of their 'Boomerang' lineup, you could catch old stuff like the Jetsons, the Flinstones, Underdog, The Pink Panther, Yogi Bear (which I never liked) and one of those slightly more fondly remembered shows, Baby Looney Tunes.

When I say 'fondly remembered' it deserves explanation. Unlike the previously mentioned cartoons, until recently I hadn't even recalled beyond the fact that there was a Baby Looney Tunes. Until recently when I was out of new shows that kept all the kids happy while I was babysitting, when the kids were all hyped-up on Loony Tunes and when I couldn't bear to watch another episode of 'Duck Dodgers' which I don't even have the courage to ridicule in this. It was then that I remembered Baby Looney Tunes. Baby Looney Tunes, the premise of which is almost a carbon copy of the freaky 1980's weirdness Muppet Babies; A select group of the original characters, in this case Bugs Bunny, Lola Bunny (whom I have a weird memory of wanting to sound like as a kid) Taz, Tweety, Sylvester and of course Daffy Duck, live together in a large house as diapered, personality-less infants. Poorly supervised by an elderly woman, in this case, Granny from all the Tweety/Sylvester cartoons. The only difference is that while Muppet Babies is crazy, chaotic mess of live-action backgrounds and romping cheap animation coupled with grating voices and obnoxious rock numbers, Baby Looney Tunes is a sweet, honey-toned, put-you-to-sleep kid's show that's actually for kids. A tad bit ironic, since putting the originals side-by-side it's easy to see which is the Loonier of the two. Just as in Muppet Babies the concept makes little to no sense whatsoever, (if they all grew up together, why is Bugs the only one with a Brooklyn accent?) but then again, their fictional, so that's the way it works. Besides, according to my three little sisters who will be running away from bedtime and screaming bloody murder one minute an drooling helplessly as I put them in bed (because their watching the show- not because I bludgeoned them) it's still just as entertaining as it was for me as a child. And putting it on that one night for them, hearing the theme music for the first time in like ten years was really a trip down memory lane.

Disney Channel used to rock too, and I say that with all the dead-seriousness of someone you couldn't pay to watch five minutes of it now-a-days. When I was little, weekends at Nina and Papa's meant you could catch Disney's ultra-cool "One Saturday Morning" show, which featured among other things Doug, Pepper Anne, Recess, and Hercules. And although I think of these all now with at least some inkling of fondness, the only one I recall actually enjoying to a great extent was the then-dazzling, oh-so-Disney "House of Mouse."

Basically the only thing that made it cool was was the fact that just about every character that was ever in a Disney movie was featured in the theme song and in various "guest spots" throughout the show. The actual plots centered around Mickey Mouse, who was Emcee, and Donald (I forget what his job was but he was scary) and their respective girl-friends. And Goofy. All the episodes featured a musical number and one or two old cartoons.

So there is your brief overview of the many, many things a kid like me could watch on T.V. And although I can remember these with a fond smile, I like to imagine my parents and grandparents gagging at the various names with a look of "Oh, I remember." Due to lack of writing skills at the current moment, I'm forced to bring the post to an in-dignified close this way. Its storming again, The Littles is on (Lord help us) and Mom and Dad should be home soon with dinner. Hopefully the power won't go out and we'll be able to stay up and watch an MST3K. There is your update.

As you can probably tell, the shows I've mentioned here are certainly not the only things I've ever watched or enjoyed on television. That is a different story entirely. This was just my way of looking back and summing up what I remember about T.V. as a kid. Thanks for a listen!

P.S. I got a new cell phone! And gee I wish there was a funny or snappy way to say that, but since there really isn't, I reiterate; I got a new cell phone!

P.P.S. Now here is the fun part! Without making this sound like a chain email, I want you to comment and tell me what shows you watched as a kid, which ones you liked and what you remember about them. Thanks again!!

Question: Who The Heck Is James Cagney? Answer: A Great Guy

2011-03-18T17:58:00.001-07:00

If you know a lot about James Cagney's personal life and the title just made you snicker, don't correct me; it's a pun. A clever play on words. I have no idea whether Cagney was a moral person or not. End of disclaimer.

Sigh. Why did I have to make that typo just there? Why couldn't I have misspelled "and" in the middle of a sentence that was so compelling it didn't matter? Why, for that matter, didn't I see it when I proof read? I'm talking about when I spelled "lost" "lot", thereby ruining my joke about Elmer Fudd and my missing MP3. No, don't bother- I fixed it already. But still, I think it killed the whole post. Yes, I'm a tad bit depressed right now. And not about the end of the world for once. These past, like, three days my psyche has been going through one of those "teenager-plus-emotional turmoil-plus-little exposure to peers-equals-excessive need for love and acceptance" periods. I'm all "you don't really like me, do you? You just think I'm annoying and embarrassing and you hate me and the way I talk all the time and my blog and you think Porky Pig is gross." And I'm sure everyone, I know Mom, is loving it. So anyway......if I sound like I'm gold-digging for complements...I am. But don't feel obligated. Dang, there I go again.

I would like to thank all of you for your great big whopping-dollops of suggestions as to my next film to review. As sir Arthur Conan Doyle once said; "Having indicated an armchair to me and placed my refreshment near it, he handed me a long smooth Havana." I have no idea why he said that but since I just pulled it out of "The Lost World" I'm assuming it has something to do with context. The main idea you all gave, of course, was old movies. I am a little surprised, and I'll tell you why. Because I know you want to know.

First of all, I always sort of expected people would want to know how good newer movies are. Like the ones that you still see commercials for, not the ones that show on TCM on "Peter Seller's Saturday" or something to the effect. But I guess I was wrong. Hey, I'm lovin' it! I watch way more oldies then I do...newbies...! I would have started reviewing years ago if I'd known that! I guess if your looking for something to rent you don't care how old it is, just how good it is. Second, older movies are ten times more likely to be- A. Seen and reviewed by professional critics (that darn Roger Ebert!) or B. Seen by you already. But hey, who cares if you've seen it? Oldies are goodies I always say.

Except in the case of eggs. And milk. And just about all other perishable food items.

So last night I took the plunge, got on retrovision (a good sight for watching classic films) and looked by actor. I decided on James Cagney, a famous movie star of the 1920's, 30's and 40's who played in a lot of gangster films, probably due to the fact that frankly, he's a scary lookin' little dude;

But nobody's perfect, right?

I've heard him mentioned innumerable (that's a fun word) places, including from Papa, Dad, in popular culture (as in, the culture of the 30's, 40's and 50's that Ive heard or seen). And he is mentioned in the Mel Blanc book, where the latter compares him to Bug's Bunny's...uhm...New-York-edd-ness. Again, context.

Anyway, the movie we ended up watching was a thirties thriller called "The Great Guy", hence the title. It's what you might call a crime-drama/thriller/you'd-better-pay-attention-or-you-won't-get-anything film. Jimmy surprised me. My first reaction was "Hey, he's not handsome!" (based on the very 21'st century idea that all movie stars must be as cute as Zach Efron at least. And I don't even think he's that good lookin'. Kinda looks beefy to me. But whatever.) But about ten minutes in, he sort of grows on you. He's strong headed, according to wikipedia and his reputation as an actor, and he always plays strong-headed characters. And he does it well. Scary as he looks, his ability to play an impulsive, determined man trying to do...whatever he's trying to do...is even scarier.

But enough about him. The movie is about a man who investigates weight frauds in grocery stores, as in, when you buy a chicken for a certain price and it ends up being a lot smaller than what you originally paid for. Because there was a weight in the chicken. It doesn't sound very exciting, but the man-I forget his name but I swear I was paying attention- is subjected to bribes, beatings, scandals, lawsuits, etc. to get him to stop, and since he continues to do the right thing, it makes him a great guy.

Recommendation? It totally depends. Do you like old movies? Do you like crime movies? Could you watch Dragnet without having an heart-attack waiting for the action to begin? Do you like Jimmy Cagney? If you answered yes to all of those, this movie is probably right for you. I, on the other hand, have always been far more geared towards comedy than...basically any other form of entertainment. If something isn't funny I have a hard time watching it twice. But that's a trait I'm striving to get over, so don't let my narrow-mindedness keep you from watching a great film about a great guy.

P.S. If your like me, and you love funny things (but you want some Humphrey Bogart in the mix) I suggest you watch this; Looney Tunes; 8 Ball Bunny.

I am at least counting on you, Papa, to tell me what the heck the Bogart cameo means."Ooohh!! I'm Dyyyiiinnn'!!"

P.P.S. I really need to scoot since Mom wants me to do...shudder...math. And to think that in three years I will be out of the house, and she wants to waste our last days together doing school. Pity. I watched another oldey last night called "Palooka" with Jimmy Cagney's younger brother and Jimmy Durante, the latter of whome you may know from the ubiquitouse expression; "I got a million of em! Ha-cha-cha!"

You Are IMMEDIATELY Drawn To Read This Post!!

2011-03-14T21:02:00.000-07:00

Ok.

No, really, OK. I get it. The vid wasn't as funny to you as I thought it was, and left you thinking; "Man, she's weird. Should I say that in my comment? Be honest? Maybe I should add a 'lol' to help it go down easier. Maybe I should pretend to have liked it? Wouldn't that be dishonest?!" And obviously you came to the un-original conclusion that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Leaving me huddled over my computer like Gollum with the ring, eyes wide and bloodshot, drool pouring out of my mouth, waiting with baited breath for someone to comment. (By-the-way Papa, thank you for that un-helpful remark about Porky's lack of pants. Of course Porky doesn't wear pants! How many pigs a day do you see wearing pants?! And were would he buy them anyway? Sheesh!) So.... I digress from trying to force nerdy Looney Tunes humor upon you. But not the Muppets. I will never stop forcing them upon you. Never.

So I have a question for you. Why are you one of the only few human beings among millions who reads this blog? I'm not being vain. I'm not saying that I can't see why people don't. I just want to know, what would other people like to read? What draws you to blogs that your daughter/grandchild/niece isn't forcing you to read under penalty of emotional breakdown? And even more-so, what do you like about this blog? What would you like to see more of? Less of?
(It had better not be Porky Pig)

But for now, I'll give you a few updates. My cousin read my blog! Hi Abby! No that's not the only one, but still, exciting.

Yesterday I received both my Porky Pig tee-shirt and my new lunchbox (which I maybe didn't tell you about, my bad). Let me explain something. This is what the picture on ebay looked like;

And the add read; "Hallmark 2004 Lunch Wagon for Porky Pig Lunchbox"

I am not blond. I was at one point, but I'm not any more. Nor am I under the belief that blonds are any stupider than all the other hair-colors in the world. It LOOKS like a lunchbox, darn it!

But it's not. Its a Hallmark ornament. Going back and reading the add, I don't think they explicitly said that. But after all, since when does Hallmark manufacture lunchboxes? It was an enjoyable surprise yesterday afternoon. Not.

Past that the updates get sketchy and kind of "maybe"-ish. I may be taking my test to get my driver's permit soon. I may be buying a replacement lunchbox, and I may just go insane if someone doesn't suggest a good movie for me to review. Since it's been all Looney Tunes, Looney Tunes, Looney Tunes these past few weeks. (Enjoyably so, it is heartening to know that there is actually something on this earth that Naomi, Esther, Mom, Dad and the rest of us girls will all watch together and nobody has a problem with it. That's just awesome.) I really wish there was some other Looney Tunes-related movie I could rent, but since there isn't, I'm open to all suggestions.

And speaking of updates and movies, ever been reading my blog and been like; "The Moppets...she's mentioned them at least seven times in this post...oh, right- the Muppets! Yeah! wonder when there gonna come out with a new movie..." Well it's scheduled to come out this Thanksgiving. They said Christmas, 2010 before...as if! Oh well, dream big. And on the loonier side of things, the latest development is that there's a newer, revamped looney tunes show schedualed to air on Cartoon Network sometime soon. I saw the "re-designed" character sketches and frankly, the more I look at them the more I hate them;

But that's really not the important part, is it? And besides, Porky is still cute.

Now imagine a really fat guy, and I mean obscenely gimongously huge, eying a limbo stick that's almost touching the ground.
Yeah.
His chances are about as high as my hopes for this show workin' out are.

So thanks for a listen people, and I think your all the coolest thing since Peebles. Now I'm gonna go hunt for my lost MP3 player.

Shhh....Be vewy, vewy quiet, I'm hunting technowogy! Heh heh heh heh heh!

P.S. This post is to long a belated for a P.S. Sorry.

P.P.S. But you may have a P.P.S.! Just remember the questions I asked you- and start thinking of some good movies!!!

Cartoon Network Groovies - "Pork Jam"

2011-03-04T23:58:00.000-08:00

Desthpicable Me- A Non Professional's Review

2011-03-04T20:05:00.000-08:00

Yes, I so absolutely meant to spell it like that. It's Daffy Duck. Get it? "Your Desthpicable!!"

I believe that all good reviews should begin with a joke, so-

There you go.

It is one of those days, and no, not one of those days when you feel like you are Wile. E Coyote and the whole world is against you, one of those days when your sick. Yes, but don't feel sorry for me, I'm only minorly sick, save your feeling sorry for Mom, who is forced to slave away for me all day on that excuse.

But enough filler, was that video funny? If you don't know what I'm talking about, go and watch it first. It's my test. If you do not like that video, then you do not need to watch "Despicable Me"...your already living it.

After my depressing review of "What Set Up Pronoun Hair" and my enjoyable read but depressing watch of "Cosmos Rock" (tee hee, thesaurus again) I am ready and willing to review a movie that I really liked. And I really liked "Despicable Me".

The plot of the movie is pretty simple; Typecast villain Gru (voiced by Steve Carell, waxing a quasi-Russian dialect) hatches a plan to steal the moon, earning him the title of greatest super-villain, plus the approval of his mother (an un-recognizable Julie Andrews). However, in order to foil his arch-nemesis, he adopts three adorable orphans...and the rest is...pretty predictable.
But predictable is not always bad, as is the case here. Sure, the basic "Greedy, self-centered villain's heart is changed by three adorable children" formula has been used before (look back into your childhoods people, I'm talking about "Ducktales"...or maybe "Annie", whatever floats your boat) But it's still as heart-warming and funny as ever. And three little girl's good and bad points are (take it from me and parent's personal experience) pretty darn accurate. Plus Steve Carrell's Boris Badenov impression made the whole thing worth while. Oh yes, and the minions. Normally it bothers me when something is made so irresistibly cute and funny that it seems like a marketing ploy, but the minions were funny, and didn't get enough screen time to be annoying, so everyone lived happily ever after.

All-in-all, even though I haven't said so thus far, I highly recommend this movie for the whole family. It's one of those "Laugh, darn you, laugh!" films that you can't possibly sit through without at least giggling. Clean for the entire family, way more heartwarming then "Ducktales" ever was....but the theme song isn't near as snappy.

P.S. Take that Roger Ebert!! I have reviewed two of your movies! Ha ha Oldie! No, but seriously, I'm going to post a porky Pig video on here soon. If you do not laugh at it a little robot will come into house and suck your brain out while you sleep. If you even have one.

P.P.S. "Ducktales, Woo-oo!!!" Sorry, I couldn't resist. I don't know why the Looney Tunes picture. It just seemed to fit. Porky Pig. You understand.

Cartoon Network Groovies - "Mars Forever"

2011-03-04T10:37:00.000-08:00

Who Framed Roger Rabbit- What Exactly Does PG Stand For?

2011-02-27T11:44:00.000-08:00

For the first time in my career as a movie reviewer I actually rented a movie for the sole purpose of reviewing it. I was very proud of myself. The movie I rented to review was none other than "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" which got sparkling recommendations for it's creative style and amazing animation/live action mixture. Reviewers loved it- including Roger Ebert, the "big league" of movie critics. As he said "It is intended as universal entertainment, like "E.T." or "The Wizard of Oz" aimed at all audiences, but I have a sneaky hunch the adults will appreciate it even more than the kids." I must raise the question, who am I to disagree with Roger Ebert? Some punk with a blog? Yeah, actually...here I go disagreeing.
This movie is not universal entertainment (neither is dark and profanity-filled "E.T." for that matter) it was an adult-oriented comedy/mystery, without any mention of children whatsoever, and even the innocently funny and truly cartoon-ish title character Roger Rabbit is barely focused on. The movie starts out like a regular cartoon with Roger Rabbit playing the part of a beleaguered babysitter watching a mischievous kid. Just like any Looney Tunes, right?
Right. Right up until the directors cut the scene and the cartoon baby stalks off cussing at the crew, a scene Roger Ebert himself praises as "A whole new world for cartoons".
This theme is probably the biggest thing that bothered me. The whole idea that "Oh, cartoon characters are just as mean and sinful as the rest of the Hollywood stars, and the cartoons you watched as a child were just big production numbers. In fact, out of set, Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny and the rest are probably all evolved in affairs and scandals too." Wow. just what I wanted to come away with.
Another thing that kills me is that Who Framed Roger Rabbit is bubbling over with potential- Roger Rabbit, despite being a character created specifically for this movie, was hilarious and perfect for the part as a framed cartoon-bunny. Lovable and (can you believe it?) squeaky clean as far as humor went, so why is it that he got almost all the laughs? Because despite what the directors and writers seem to think, cartoon characters don't have to be adult to be funny. And speaking of potential, did I mention that Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Mickey Mouse and Donald are in this film?
Of course (and I expected this by the time we got there in the movie) they are completely overlooked, although hilarious. Daffy and Donald try to blow each other up as a double-booked piano act (Daffy- "Can anyone understand what this duck is saying?! This is the last time I work with anyone with a sthpeech impediment!") and Bugs and Mickey enjoy handing the falling detective a tire when he asks for a "Spare" parachute. Things like this- made more numerous and lengthy- could have made the movie a ball for adults who appreciate good laughs and kids who get to see the long-dreamed of meeting between their two favorite sets of toons. How often does a director get the chance to pair Mickey and Bugs in the same movie? And yet Steven Spielberg wastes his time and money trying to stuff kid's animation and a Tim Burton-style murder mystery into the same whacked-out dark film.
And here's another thing- the "amazing" animation techniques did not really seem that great to me. And no, I'm not playing the dumb blond- I know that this was 1988, and computer animation was the "dazzling graphics" of Tron. But there was a Looney Tunes episode made in 1940, which paired animation/live action techniques extremely well, grant it, nothing like the 3D looking brightly-colored characters of you-know-who-framed-what, but still, this stuff has been around for awhile.
Overall, if this one of those movies you remember fondly as a kid/adult/whatever, leave it as a nice memory. I can't tell you how many times my Mom has turned on something from the 80's that she remembered and then found out it has all sorts of adult content. The 80's were weird. But do not and I repeat not turn it on with the kids for a nice trip down memory lane...

P.S. Porky was only it for a brief second at the end. .......Ingrates.

P.P.S The second picture is from 1940's- "You Should Be in Pictures" I can't help but think the effects in you-know-what weren't that amazing.

Space Jam- Whatever The Heck That's Supposed to Mean

2011-02-23T20:04:00.000-08:00

Dear people whom I admire and enjoy; I have done it again.

I was being good, trying to write a nice cutesy post about my sister's quirks- and I got bored. It's not that they don't have quirks (Lord help us) but when your so used to them...
Well anyway I got bored. So I started wiki-ing Looney Tunes movies, basically hoping I would find a good featurette sequel to "Back in Action" to trash or something. Boy, was I naive. what I discovered was an odd looking 90's hit called "Space Jam". Space Jam? It doesn't even mention the Looney Tunes! But who am I to question?
I stared at the paragraph that attempts to described the plot for about thirty minutes, and it still didn't make a lick of sense. Something about an amusement park and short aliens and some guy named Micheal Jordan and basketball. "Oh the heck with it!" my foolish brain spouted "Let's just watch the darn thing!" So I looked it up on surfthechannel and, sure enough, some jerk had put it up there.
I almost don't think it's right to call this a review, since I didn't actually watch the whole thing, I sort of browsed scene by scene. I couldn't stand it. It was like going into Wal-mart to buy a video game for the cool sleepover your about to have and then you come out and everyone's been turned into apes and they all start throwing poop at you at once and your video game gets eaten by the group of kid's you were supposed to play it with. It sucked like "Lima beans in nasty sauce!" as Mr. Bird once said. It was the most incoherent, suckish, typical, predictable, cheap flim-flam of a movie I ever didn't watch. And since I'm so steamed that couldn't possibly write about my sisters in a non-violent way, I've managed to narrow the experience down to this for you;

The Plot;
(as if)
There is a mean alien (who looks strangely like the evil dog from "All Dogs Go To Heaven") who sends a bunch of bug-like aliens down to Earth to capture the Looney Tunes to become attractions for his theme park. The aliens challenge to LT gang to some kind of competition and the LTs pick Basket ball because the bugs are short. Meanwhile Micheal Jordan ( a Basketball star...I guess, I was two) decides to drop out of his career and do baseball, which was his father's dream for him, blah blah blah. The only two themes I know of for a sports movie are motivation and the brains Vs. bronze thing. The aliens suck the talent out of the other NBA stars, and begin to kick the LT's badly-animated butts. Obviously, M.J. shows up to save the day. Ect, ect, ect. And it's all done to the horribly overused rappy-pop songs of 1996, the sure sign of a instantly balding bomber.

The Real Deal;

Warner Brothers is drowning in a pile of plastic Mickey Mouse ears, and Micheal Jordan is really big right now. Icksnay-ergo, a ridiculous film with no conceivable plot in which they try to enhance the LT's popularity by pairing them with one of the current biggest names in sports. Who, not surprisingly, can't act to save his talented life.

What Actually Filtered Through To The Only Guy Who Liked This Movie;

"Wow, that Micheal Jordan is so cool! And he's got some new mascots! A rabbit and a duck and...I think those are fish...cool, I'm gonna share this on facebook! Oh, yeah, I can't because it's 1996. Crud. Well, the KFC bathrooms aren't gonna clean themselves!"

Pros;

Uhm...well...Porky Pig has some lines...you'd think that would be a plus...grant it, he doesn't sound like Porky Pig...

Cons;

1. All of the above, plus the re-inclusion of Lola bunny, a character we all thought (and hoped) dead after "Loony Tunes Babies" finally went off syndication.
2. It would appear that nothing actually takes place in space.
3. Newman from "Sienfield" tries to play a good...or semi good...character, and anyone who tries that is crispy-over-rice insane. Maybe they just figured Daffy Duck was too nasty to be competed with...
4. The voices suck, and it's not because Mel Blanc is old. It's because he's dead, and WB does not care enough to find a good replacement at this point.

So there you have it, I recommend this movie about as much as I recommend rolling in poop. I hardly have the heart to say it, but that's...all....folks...

P.S. Don't watch this film! I'm just reminding you, in case I wasn't clear. I got my haircut! YAY! Pictures will come at sometime in the near future.

P.P.S. I'm really glad I can just watch this online. I am really glad that I did not pay money to see this. Because I probably would have left the theater looking like this;

Wanted; A New Mother

2011-02-22T15:49:00.000-08:00

"Tut-tut" you say, "The old bean 's finally cracked after all." Actually, I doubt you'd really say that, but then, your pretty unpredictable aren't you?

But on with my advertisement... (ad-VER-tis-ment, not ad-ver-TIS-ment, get what I mean?) I am on the lookout for a new mother. My reasons for getting rid of my old one may seem rather petty to you, but really, were simply not compatible anymore. It's not that I haven't been tolerant; for years I have bitten my lip and put up with her un-needed advise on what I wear and watch and read ( I have been compared to Cindy Lauper more than once, no joke!) I have abided the unappetizing site of green alien-like mold, which she has the audacity to call "Kombocha" on the counter, I have even strenuously labored through all the textbooks, programs, homework etc. which she is convinced I cannot possibly function in life without. Today, the straw on the camel's back was broken when I sent her an Email. The title read "Speechless" and the Email said "If you wish to make me eternally happy you shall buy me this." - the picture included in this advertisement. As you can imagine, I was infatuated. My old mother's reply? "Get off the computer and make cookies." I was, really, at that point speechless. To have my own mother brush to the side so easily my latest love is simply unacceptable.
The position is up for grabs now, the pay is good and the terms are easy. The only application you will need to fill is your name, on the order form for this Tee-shirt. I look forward to meeting you soon, Mom!

*Warning;
Mother will have to pay in advance for all rooming, boarding,education, groom and care of said teen. Mother takes full responsibility for any and all public embarrassments, sugar rushes, grocery-store outbursts, ridiculous blogs or outfits, etc. Mother is required to minister late-night counseling session and anytime talks of encouragement to teen on a daily basis. Areas in which encouragement will be required are self-image, school, emotions,theology, epistemology, haircuts and boys. Mother will have to put up with being called "Witch", "Witch-Hazel" ,"Witchy-poo" ,"Puff N' Stuff" or anything to the effect that teen designates for her. Mother will be required to obtain extensive knowledge of the Muppets, Looney tunes, Doctor Who, Sponge-bob Square pants, Mystery Science Theater 300, etc. Mother takes full responsibility and blame for any and all happenings of un-desirable consequence in teen's lifetime. Mother is not entitled to any compensation and/or gratitude for fulfillment of duties.

This Probably Means I'll Never Post Again- Nah, Don't Take It Seriously

2011-02-18T15:34:00.000-08:00

Hello, folks. Maybe I will begin calling you that permanently. I like it.Random you say? Well yes, maybe, but that is just me. And many other people, I've noticed. "Random" has become the new cool, maybe soon doing what people would normally expect you to do will be considered random. Huh. Anyway, I would look out if I were you, because I'm really only blogging to soothe myself.

Let me describe the scene, to begin with; Mom and Dad are out to their anniversary dinner, I begged Mom not to go out at lunchtime on the off-chance that the hairstylist would call, and now I am regretting that decision heartily. We just adopted a new dog, Sausage, a tiny beagle-doxin (doxon? doxen? oh you know what I mean) drop-off, whom the girls are all swooning over, much to Guppi's chagrin. "Inspector Gadget" is on the living-room. That was my doing. I like the sound of that show- it's got a familiar, cozy feeling reminding me off a time- a few months ago, when I wasn't doing this in and out thing with depression.

Yeah, I'm a little depressed. It's not a problem at home, I swear. I know I've probably caused everyone-I know Mom and Dad- a lot of grief with all my late-night depression-confessions, but in all honesty, my life is pretty good. I just have anxiety issues- and being an emotional teen-ager does not help them. Just about everything freaks me out, things like the full-moon or the sound of a semi going by outside. Yes, I'm weird. But don't be scared- I'm still me.

It's pretty foolish too- the only thing it takes to break me out of it is one person to tell me that I'm freaking out over nothing- not to worry, that I'll be OK. So now you know- I don't need a sedative, just someone to honestly and truly tell me that everything is in the norm.

Yeah, that helped. It always helps. Thank the Lord.

P.S. I finished the Mel Blanc book, it was good. Basic analysis? Sure. Blanc is a cool guy, witty sense of humor, non-religious and from a Jewish family. Got to work almost all the big names in Hollywood in his day. Smart fella, whole chapter devoted to Porky Pig. Thought I couldn't fit a reference in? You were wrong.

P.P.S. No, I did not get my hair cut today. We walked in to the salon and were informed that the stylist was sick and couldn't help us that day. She was nice and we made an appointment for Wed. Darn, another day I

have to go to class without a haircut. Darn. Refer to the following picture for the way I feel about it;

That's Not All On Sunday Nights At Seven When Your Green, Folks!

2011-02-16T11:46:00.000-08:00

Mmmmmyyyyy books arrived!!! FINALLY! And just when you were thinking "She can't possibly use another Porky Pig reference in her post title." Well, you terrible people, while your all thinking about how obsessed I am, take a gander at this;

"Good-hearted Porky never was a very credible scam artist. While this character trait made him beloved by audiences, ironically, it ultimately led to his downfall...With the emergence of Daffy, Bugs Bunny, and other Warner Bros. characters, he was relegated to either playing Daffy's foil or to ensemble work. In 1940 fifteen Porky Pig cartoons were produced; in 1950 just three; and in 1960, none. The studio even repossessed his "That's all, folks!" tag line, which as far as I'm concerned is like ripping the starts off a general's uniform.
Porky Pig made his theatrical-short farewell in Corn on the Cop in 1965. by that time many considered him a mere has-been. Discarded bacon. But I'll always have a soft-spot for Porky. I owe him a lot." - Mel Blanc

There. Do you all feel terrible? I hope so.

I on the other hand, I'm already half-way through the Mel Blanc auto-biography, and ruby is making fine progress on the Jack Benny, which is called "Sunday Nights At Seven". The title should begin to make even more sense now. I'm learning all sorts of cool stuff about Mel, and movie stars in general. Hooray for those rainy days when you can just sit in bed and read!! I'm also $25.00 richer, thanks to my babysitting fun last night, but maybe I should have saved that for the P.S., since as I now realize, there really is no news and I just wanted to share the word that I have my books. Oh well.

P.S. (you still get one, sillies) mom called and actually made an appointment to get my hair done on Friday. My faith is beginning to waver so here is my half-hearted, slightly sarcastic "hooo-ray"

P.P.S. I'm back on my computer, so you may now have a picture of you-know-who. You should be realizing how adorable he is about now, and if your not, your desthpicable!!

A Completely Rambling Post With No New Pictures Of Porky Pig

2011-02-15T18:00:00.000-08:00

For once, once in my blogging career, I am going to write the post before the title. I amaze myself with my foresight. I am like a juggernaut. Whatever that is.

I am sitting in a an unfamiliar living-room, in an unnaturally quiet house, on someone else's laptop. And no, I'm not singing the Talking Heads, I'm actually babysitting. Jude, my client, is asleep (I hope) and I am left alone to try and blog while tired and wishing for Looney Tunes. I have figured one thing out about myself; as much as I love to act like my mother's homebody-ness is a pain in the rear, I may have the worst case of homesickness ever. I always miss home. Weather I'm on a gorgeous vacation in Florida, or just spending the night at a friend's, I can be having a ton of fun- and still miss the sanctity of my home. I'll miss Guppi sniffling in my ear, the freedom to put on music very loudly in my room, my John Denver records, my Muppet movies, Looney Tunes playing the living room, the picture of Porky Pig on the fridge...and, of course, my awesome family.
I love them to death. They are the number 2 source of my happiness (the first being Jesus). I can be myself around them, my true self. They know all my quirks and my flaws and embrace them unconditionally. My sisters look to me as a friend and mentor and role model even after they've tasted my jim-sock-flavored cookies and watched me kiss the above mention P.P. picture. Mom is my best friend, Dad is my hero. We have inside jokes, similar goals, we share everything. The fondest sentimentalities I have are all related to my parents. I get this soaring feeling of joy and identity, if I listen to an old favorite Bob Dylan song while looking at pictures of my early childhood. I talk about things like the Muppets as reminding me of my kid-hood, but it's not really the movies. It's the re-discovered security and joy that I had in those days, and I think everyone, to some extent, longs for that.
So this is just a little opening up; I'm not depressed, I'm just thinking and feeling out loud. Thanks for a listen.

P.S. As you have probably noticed, there seems to be no right-click on this computer, so I can't do spell check. The truth has been revealed. This also means that I cannot post a picture of Porky Pig for you this time :( (super sad face)

P.P.S. Jude is adorable, just sayin'. I am hoping to get my haircut tomorrow, but the odds aren't good. Cheers and more cheers, and remember; God is awesome, Daleks are cool, and Porky Pig is still absolutely adorable.

Velocity Does Not Rhyme With Valentines But They Both Start With "V"

2011-02-14T10:54:00.000-08:00

Greetings, comrades!!! Happy you-know-what day! (if you don't know what, check your Google browser, they always know) I just received a scrumdiddlyumptious box of Reese's pieces from Porky (or was that Mom? Hmm...) Either way, I'm having a happy, marshmallow-and-rainbow-filled-diurnal course...which means day. However, I feel it my nerd-ified duty to bring into light the official roots of the holiday, as learned by the superb Mr. Bird. Valentine's Day (originally "St. Valentine's Day) was a festivity to commemorate (duh) St. Valentine, a preacher in ancient Rome during a time when christian marriage was outlawed who was imprisoned for his in-cooperation. So...while your out getting chocolates and puppies from your dearly beloved, just try and remember that it's not actually about the heart-shaped balloons...it's really about the miracle of marriage as justified by God the father. So happy....that!

P.S. Did I mention I'm going to get my hair cut soon?! Soon I tell you!! SSOOONNN...!!!!

P.P.S. i may have to be a coward and take back what I said about blogging everyday...as if I was already....anyway, I forfeit. I love you all, but I'm just not all that diligent. Often though, this I promise."Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-... That's all, folks."

"Or folly condition; With behavior" - Examination

2011-02-13T14:45:00.000-08:00

.....which is "Looney Tunes; Back in Action - a Review", Translated into Japanese and then back to English on babel fish. My, what a fitting name they gave that site. And yes, I know it should say "Toy Story 3" ...a review....or something to that effect, but times change. I blog slow and I can't always stay behind to review stragglers. There, glad that's off my chest. Oh yeah! But before I give you the review, I have to tell you something;

" You know that scene from "Lord of the Rings" where he kept getting up and the guy kept shooting him? That whenever he gets up he'd be saying "Take that! take that! bad old putty cat!"

I hope that makes sense. Isabel forced me write it down one night in the middle of a movie. She was entirely certain it was going to be the funniest thing to ever go on my blog that she made me promise it would go in my next post. Anyway.

About that movie. My reasons for watching it? I like Looney Tunes. I like them a lot. I would really like to see them make a good come back. I wasn't hopeful about this movie. Maybe the more you expect the less you get and vise-versa, like the Inspector Gadget thing- I expected the stuff you scrape off your shoe after walking through a sewage leak. And believe or not- I liked it...uhm, not the sewage, I mean the movie.
OK, please don't think I would stick up for something just because of how much I liked the original. I didn't review Inspector Gadget badly because I hated it. I had respect for those cartoons even though they gave me a go-go gadget migraine. If it was a bad Looney Tunes movie, trust me, I'd tell you.
I am forced by the laws of logic to start with the plot, which is a bad place to start because the laws of logic have absolutely no bearing. Figuring out the plot while the movie is going is like trying to read it off the side of a moving train...I guess that means you would have to read it backwards too, it was that confusing. Basically, there is this fella named DJ (Brendan Fraser) who is the son of the leading actor at Warner Brothers, but he is a security guard/want-to-be stuntman. He is fired by the new executive (Jenna Elfman) who then goes on to fire Daffy Duck...she is then fired herself because of her bad decisions. Daffy and DJ then find out that DJ's father is actually a super spy who entrusts them with a mission to destroy a certain diamond that turns people into monkeys. Steve Martin plays the bad guy who is also the president at the "Acme" corporation...oh and Bugs Bunny is in the thing too. Man, I can't even sum it up in a way that makes sense...it's enough to say that they go to Paris and Africa and Los Vegas, most of the other Looney tunes characters get a part, and there was something about a flying car. My gosh, it was confusing...hence the keyword "looney". BUT- it was funny. This being the important thing.
It sounds like DJ/Fraser is the main character- the plot (loosely said) centers around him, but the movie doesn't. The movie centers around Daffy Duck, who really hams up his part, but no one minds, because no one's a jerk, and you can't deny that the movie was funny because of it. My hubby was only in there for a second, but it was a funny second. I read on Wikipedia (the upsetting fact that I spend time on wiki reading about WB's lawsuits is not the subject of this post) a few years before the movie, Warner Brothers was forced to donate like $12,000 and make a bunch of public service adds just to settle a lawsuit with the NSP (national stuttering project) about Porky Pig, so hearing Porky complain to a sympathetic speedy Gonzales about what a pain in the butt it is to be politically correct is one of those things you can snicker over...if you read wiki a lot. Feel enlightened.
My last word; (thank God, you say) The movie was much better than to be expected from the ailing WB studios. It's funny, kind of a whirlwind of extremely good animation techniques and classic gags. Not much of a plot- great performances from Brendan Fraser and Steve Martin (who always makes me crack up, no joke) and whats-her-face the girl. some un-necessary weirdness involving a girl in a skimpy outfit. Basically a good movie to pick up for a one-nighter with the family or just for the kids. My, what an in-elegant ending, but we can't all be perfect.

P.S. My books are on the way. I have never been more excited about reading!

P.P.S. My hair is to be cut next week. The day after tomorrow I have an appointment to babysit. I got my VW book. It is good. That is all.

Daily Question; Time Travel, Anyone?

2011-02-09T14:49:00.000-08:00

Darn this thing. When I hit "Enter" I plan to go down a line, not publish the post. But thanks anyway;

"If you could live in some other historical period, which would you choose and why?"

I actually skipped a few of the questions on the list, because they are really not applicable to me. This one merits a little discussion. The first era that comes to MY mind is, naturally, the 1960's. I am a huge fan of the 1960's. It was a transitional period, with enough of the values and morality of the past mixed with many of the culture icons I personally enjoy. Of course, I didn't actually live in this period so I don't know what it was really like- I know what I see on all my favorite television shows though, and it looks pretty sweet. Dick Van Dyke, Jack Benny, Mel Blanc, Jim Henson, Morey Amsterdam, Bob Hope, Andy Griffith and Don Knotts, Lucille Ball- just to name a few of my favorites- were all alive back then, and I could have become the ultimate autograph hound. The fashion was flexible- "hippie" was in style ;) and so was Volkswagen....yeah, it sounds pretty awesome. The era wasn't perfect- none ever is. But as far as I'm concerned it sounds pretty close.

P.S. Really incredibly short. Sorry. I had a crummy day, and I wanted to blog but I am not going to blog about depressing things...nuh uh, not again. Instead, I'm gonna let you people profit from my gloominess; you get another Porky Pig picture! Isn't he cute in a space-suit?! Now were both cheerful!!!

P.P.S. My wonderful grandfather (one of the few I know reads this) is lending me not only a Jack Benny autobiography but one of Mel Blanc too, and I ordered a Jim Henson one. Very excited about reading now. Cheers!

Daily Question; Is Advertising the Adversary?

2011-02-02T13:26:00.000-08:00

I didn't forget! And only three days late...

As promised, our first question!!! I think the major challenge is going to be thinking up a snappy title to these things. Anyway, the first topic on our list is...

"Discuss the influence that advertising has had on your life and the life of your friends."

Doozy. The first question had to be something complicated, didn't it? But we must begin the beguine. Advertising, whether or not it has an influence over our lives, is a huge part of our lives, and no one can deny that. There is not one stronghold which the diabolical forces of salesmanship have not assailed. The majority of our mail is advertising, half of what we watch on television is advertising, the internet has more advertisements than Bob Hope has funny lines. We get advertising when we watch sports, or concerts- everything is "sponsored by" someone. Billboards advertise to us when were driving, text messages and phone calls, fliers etc. So it's no discovery that we are being advertised too 90% of the time. The question is, how much of it sticks with us? How much of it actually effects our decisions?
One thing that I've noticed effects me personally, is what I think is best described as "brand reputation". Ever noticed the difference when one of the normal commercials for some product you probably already have comes on, with a real looking set and a well-known song playing in the background? And then there are the commercials with bad-lighting, low-budget sets and terrible sound quality, and your mind instantly flips into "cheap" mode? It's like, the fact that they had less money to spend on their commercial sends a message that they spent less money on their product too. Especially local commercials. Maybe it's just were I live, but man- we people in Georgia cannot make a decent commercial.
So I guess the fundamental question is unanswerable by someone my age. I leave it up to you good folks, should all salesmen be burned at the stake? The world may never know.

P.S. I've figured it out. Since I usually only have time to write one blog post a day (I'm so busy, sitting on the couch watching Looney Tunes all day) I will stay completely on topic in my "daily question" posts, except for the P.S. part, which I will announce my various comings and goings.

P.P.S. I have decided on two things this week (aside from the marriage) I want to read an autobiography of Jack Benny, he is my favorite comedian and actor and someone I admire greatly. And, I am going to get my hair cut to shoulder length. And something I noticed- this was a terrible first topic. Hopefully there will be a better one in the reasonably-close future.
Goodbye, and remember; God is great, thesauruses are good, and Porky Pig is still adorable. Leave-taking!

I Wanna Be a Writer...And Then Marry Porky Pig.

2011-02-02T09:53:00.000-08:00

Greetings, oh you glutton-for-punishment readers.

Sorry, sincerely for that last post. It was frightening, I know. It's really not pretty when a 15-year-old doesn't sleep. And sorry, also, that I have been slacking off on writing too. School's back in, and Dad's been home, and there have been a lot of Loony Tunes playing...but I digress.
What finally made me get off my un-dignified body part was the awesome writer's workshop thing that I went to this week, as a part of Foundations Collegium. It was a great investment of time, and I have gained a lot of much-needed tips from said experience. But most importantly, it brought back into the light my neglected ambition- to be a writer. Yes friends, family and imaginary readers- I don't know if I've said so on this blog before- but I have decided firmly that I want to be a writer. (And no, Papa, it has nothing to do with all the Dick Van Dyke show we watched during Christmas) I want to write drama, and comedy and fantasy- and believe it or not, I know I can do it. I just need to find my feet- my mode, my subject, and the perseverance and time to try. I once composed four verses about LOST to the tune of "Gilligan's Island" completely off the top of my head. And as nerdy as that was, it showed me that I have something of a knack for rhyming. I started re-writing "Pursuer of the North", using more descriptions and less...filler, in the hopes that I can make it up-to-par with my own standards without changing it to much. Me and Mom were talking today about what I should do if I want to be a serious writer, and she agrees that the first place I should start is here, on my blog. So here I am...starting.
Actually, I have a pretty good idea to bring some substance and consistency to this undignified appropriation of literature- essay topics. As part of the aforementioned writer's workshop, we were given a list of about a grillion essay topic which are available to the kids taking a college course in writing. They are all nice, informative little one-line questions like; "Do you prefer shopping at a large shopping center or at downtown stores? Discuss." and "Should government-owned wilderness areas be preserved? Discuss why or why not." So, along with the whatever-you-want-to-call-it that you usually get here, there will be a separate post for the next essay question. Leave-taking! (I love my thesaurus!)

P.S. I want re-iterate. Since I'm going to be trying a slightly more serious and educational tone on some (not all, I never said all) of my new posts, I just want to remind you of one very, very important thing. Porky Pig is absolutely,actually, admittedly, as a matter of fact, assuredly, authentically, beyond doubt,categorically, certainly, de-facto, easily,
for real, genuinely, honestly, in actuality, in effect, in fact, in point of fact, in reality, indeed, indubitably, legitimately, literally, no ifs ands or buts, nothing else but, of course, positively, precisely,surely, truly,undoubtedly, unmistakably, unquestionably, verily, well ADORABLE!!! ( I LOVE the thesaurus!!) If you don't believe me, go here and listen for yourself. It's the top one, "Blue Christmas" Your very welcome.

P.P.S Yes, the first question will be posted today...soon. And Yes, I still actually do plan to review "Toy Story 3". A Thousand Promises.

5:00 and Porky Pig

2011-01-31T14:30:00.000-08:00

It's five O' clock, time for the depression to begin!

Sometimes I love being a 15-year-old-girl. Who wouldn't? I'm young and healthy, I'm responsible enough to do most of the things in society and just below all the worries and duties of adult life. That rocks, it really does- I know this and acknowledge it a lot. I have an awesome home, awesome parents and awesome sense of identity, so why do I so often complain about depression? Because this is a part of it, this is the mark of the transition from childhood to adulthood. Suddenly, all the things I was never worried about as a child come crowding in to scare me, things that were just vague problems for the future that seemed millions of years away as a kid are now right there- preventing me from enjoying this awesome life to the full.
I have anxiety issues. I am scared of everything; cars, planes, elevators, darkness, horror movies, food poisoning- just about anything that could potentially harm me in any way poses a huge threat to my ability to operate in reality. And it gets worse. I lay awake in bed at night, listening to what I think is some kind of rumbling or unexplainable shift in nature that signals it all breaking down- the end of the world. I don't even want to write about it. It is my biggest-if not my only- problem right now. And I'm done with it. I'm done with not reading the news because I don't want to hear about the problems with this country. I'm done with skipping trips to places because I hate car rides in the dark. And I'm done with not reading my daily Bible for fear they will throw in a verse from Revelations. I read it once, a few chapters, tried to face my fear, walked around all day on verge of hysterics. Dad and I had a long talk about it the other day in the car, he helped me out too- he said it was all in my head, not to worry- and I believed him. For like three days nothing in the world worried me, and I was having an awesome time. And now here I am, low on sleep, rainy day, Dad's at work and the same old things are keeping me from enjoying the evening.
I'm just gonna pray. Ignore this chemical imbalance or whatever it is. Watch an MST3K, read stories to the kids, search for Volkswagen parts on the internet. Depression is not going to win this time.

P.S. Oh yeah, Porky pig. I meant this to be cheerfull, I was like "I'll write a happy post about porky Pig and it will help! Well it isn't cheerful, it's a emotion-fest. but somehow it still helps. Anyway, I love porky Pig. The guy is just darn adorable. Dad has given his consent to the marriage.
P.P.S. I also meant to review "Toy Story 3". maybe I'll do that tonight, if the MST3K plan doesn't work out.

Christmas and Crayons- Totally Unrelated

2010-12-30T07:57:00.000-08:00

The store was full of old ladies. I don't what was going on, but I felt like I was at a fashion show for high wasted pants and turquoise flannel...because, that's what old ladies wear....

I scribbled that in my notebook in, surprise, surprise, a Wal-Mart parking lot. I included it (if you need a reason) because I'm sick of writing things and taking up room in my blog-notebook, and they never getting to my blog. And besides, thinking up an intro to these things is hard....

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
I am having a coherency problem, so I figured I'll just go ahead and skip to that. I told myself before the holidays that I was not, repeat NOT going to let the busyness of Christmas prevent me from keeping up with my blog, which I had finally gotten into a habit of doing...I, of all people should have known how unreliable I am. But the last time I blogged I left you out of breath, staring blankly at three black and white photos of people you didn't know and expecting an update about a Christmas party that never came. And now I'm going to have skip past the part about the Christmas party, the adorable version of Porky Pig singing "Blue Christmas" that I listened to at least forty times, the shock and disappointment I felt when I found out that both Morey Amsterdam and Andy Griffith had been sucked into providing voices for those terrible (but somehow cozy) Christmas cartoons from the 70's...in order to keep you up-to-date. So let's start with the presents, shall we? Normally, in the blissful days of my recent childhood, I was able to accumulate during the course of a year, a list of presents not below or exceeding roughly 2 million items. In this way, I knew that no matter how badly my parents anticipated which one I wanted the most, someone in my family was sure to get me an awesome present. However, this year I found myself completely stumped. I really had everything I wanted at the moment...except a guitar, but my mother was sneaky and dishonest enough to affirm to me that I wasn't getting one. And as a result, waiting for my Christmas present was like missing a trip to Disney world and then picking up trash off the highway...and then having to eat cold spinach for dinner. I had to listen to Mom and Dad actually complain they couldn't give it to me sooner. But it was worth the wait, and I am now the proud owner of a beautiful new Yamaha acoustic guitar with a Road-Runner brand case. (the inside of the case is furry and blue and the most comfortable thing since Peebles...it makes you want to crawl inside and become a ventriloquist's dummy just so you can live there). I also got a cool lap desk from Nina and Papa (which I am using right now, thank you very much ;) some silly bands- I'm not really into the silly band thing but these were Muppet silly bands, so I made an exception. I got two new cool scarfs, knee socks and a tee-shirt which merits description; It is gray, features Kermit the frog in large glasses and says "Geek" several times in big green letters. I really don't have a clue what would posses someone to make a shirt like this, but I do know that it has the Muppets and it calls me a geek, and is therefore the most expressive thing I shall ever wear. New Years was celebrated with non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice, Jack Benny specials and a lot of noise. We didn't get to celebrate Christmas with our other grandparents till the day before yesterday, and I came back with an awesome vintage VW bug puzzle from 1974, steam-curlers, and some capital, gnarly and pleasing new vinyl, including >insert girly squeal< two John Denver records. ANYWAY, our poster collecting is going surprisingly well. We already have the Humphrey
Bogart, a black and white "Casablanca" and an "Abbey Road". Today I am expecting a Jack Benny, and John Denver and Bob Dylan are on the way. So goodbye people! I told mother I would be working on my poster project, and something tells me she shall be rather unhappy to find out the truth. Some people simply cannot handle the truth.

P.S. At some point I'm going to grow up and stop using unnecessary pictures to draw people into my posts. At some point I am going to have a nice camera and be able to take decent pictures and then I'll be able to show you the tee-shirt and silly bands and guitar. But right now you'll just have to settle for the pictures of two of the the posters were getting (Bob Dylan and Jack Benny) and a stock photo of John Denver's "Poems, Prayers and Promises", one of my new records. Many apologies, especially as blogger's inability to cope with visuals is yet again cutting my post to pieces.

P.P.S. I almost forgot! We got "Toy Story 3" for Christmas too - and unless my laptop is impounded because of this post I will review it soon. Cheers!

Stuff and Stuff

2010-12-16T13:50:00.000-08:00

I get the sneaking suspicion I've used that title before. But, you see, to verify this would take research and neither me or you want to read old posts, so I digress. First off, I want to apologize for that last post. Not particularly because it was awful, in the technical sense it was a nice coherent (:D) post with plenty of good points- in fact, I may be just being perfectionist- I guess the problem was that there was nothing funny about it. If I'm going to write something I want it to have at least the bare minimal of humor to it, and there is positively nothing funny about watching Tim Blake in a bad role. But enough about that; Some updates! (your going to have to bear with me at first because this doesn't sound exciting) Me and my sister Ruby...meaning me...spent yesterday cleaning and the end result was that we earned 15 bucks each. That may not sound like a lot of money, but to a girl who wants as many things as I do, it's like the light at the end of the tunnel- I guess the tunnel is the day I spent cleaning...never mind, figure it out yourself. So anyway, Ruby is buying a Humphrey Bogart poster with her half, and hanging it over her bed in a spot conveniently visible to me and out of the way of my record- mural- thing. I don't know what the thing is about Humphrey Bogart- he's just about so awesome I can't think of anything to compare him too. He's not even really all that good looking, he's what you call intimidatingly handsome; he scares you into the illusion that he's the best thing since...or till... Harrison Ford. And that's just cool. But that's not my problem; I have been wanting a John Denver poster. And I am NOT afraid to admit that, I am embracing my own inner- nerd. You may call it de-socialization, I call it bravery; it's not easy carrying out a social life with a guy like John Denver hanging over your head-literally. That's what the pictures are of- The smiley guy (Denver, if you happen to be a crazy person and don't know) and Bogart, who looks like he just may shoot someone, these are the exact posters were getting, and I leave it up to you- who out does the other? Is John Denver friendlier (I refrain from saying 'cute') than Humphrey Bogart is tough?! We must solve this great problem! And that just may be were I leave you. I really just wanted to blog because I can, and because I want to have something else on the top of my page other than the boring "Holes" review. Oh! And a few more things; today was the last class day till February, but tomorrow we are going caroling and Saturday there is a Christmas party- (why is this my first Christmas party? That really hurts) so the festivities are not over yet. And; we have been watching a lot of "The Dick Van Dyke Show" ( D.V.D. is also among my list of awesome people) lately, and when I mentioned this to my grandfather the day before yesterday, he told me he had met Morey Amsterdam...and it is very hard to explain the significance of that to you unless A) you watched the show and B) You knew the names of the actors and C) you appreciate awesome people, because Morey Amsterdam is one O' dose. And I plan on buying a cool Muppet record. The end!

P.S. I added a picture of Morey Amsterdam for good measure. I know there are lots of pictures of awesome people in black and white but as long as you know who at least two of them are I trust you won't get confused.

P.P.S. I thought of one of those witty sayings you could put on a T-shirt: "Before the world had Chuck Norris we had Humphrey Bogart" Your welcome. I don't know how much sense that makes because I'm not familiar with Chuck Norris, I just know he's cool. And you may or may not get beat up for wearing a shirt that says that- it depends on how many people there are that still walk around thinking it's the 80's. And I also thought of something to compare him to; he's almost as awesome as my Kermit hat.

"Holes"- A Sick Girl's Review.

2010-12-02T08:34:00.000-08:00

"Smells like puke from a mule that's been ruminating on asparagus for a week!"- Dr. Pendenski

( That is my favorite quote from the movie ;-). First of all, let me clarify my use of the word "sick", what I mean is, I have had the flu for the last week. Not the other kind of sick as in "sicko". Glad that's out of the way. Well as you all know, I only promised- what was it- a week ago that this review was coming soon. It came! I cannot tell you how incredibly glad I was when the "Inspector Gadget" review got so much feedback...positive feedback...and I have really wanted to get off...I mean up and review another movie. We rented "Holes" the exact same time as "Inspector Gadget", and I had already seen it many times before, which is probably half the reason why it wasn't my first choice for reviewing- I already had a built-in opinion that I had shared with most of you. Anyway, when I watched this...uhm....this time, I almost expected it to be a bad movie. That probably had something to do with the aforementioned film, but it still shook my firm belief that this was an awesome movie, and helped me to look at it in a more honest, analytical way. And I still could find very little wrong with it. I like this movie! The plot is excellent, sure- I can't give Disney the credit for it, it was based of a book- but it is great. It's complicated and all ties in like...like...a Seinfeld episode or something. Except that's a really bad example, because it's nothing like Seinfeld. Anyway- Patricia Arquette and Tim Blake, the name of two actors...or an actor and actress...who's acting needed help in this movie. Let me explain. I am a fan of Tim Blake- "O' Brother Where Art Thou" is in the top three of my all-time favorite movies, and he is one of my favorite characters in the movie... but his role in "Holes" was impossible. He plays Dr. Pendenski, the camp counselor. Originally, he is introduced as the nice, stupid guy, but early on a sub plot is introduced in which he is really, really mean to the supporting character, Zero. And it's just unbelievable. As in- you can't believe it, which still sounds too dramatic. And then as the movie goes on he get's meaner and meaner in general, and by the end of the movie he's just a sinister evil-genius- his entire character turns around, and it's just no good. Besides, he's way more believable as a nice stupid guy. And Patricia Arquette, who plays Kate Barlow... well- what can say? She's very pretty. There, that's the nice thing- and her acting is terrible. End of story. Anyway, the bottom line is this- I did my research, I asked at least a dozen people, including my teacher and my grandparents, and got one of the same answers every time- either "Loved it", "It was very clever" or "I've only read the book". And one guy just didn't like Shia LeBuff, but that's actor stuff, so I don't count that. But seriously, this movie had everything- awesome plot, reasonably good actors, some comedy, scenes in the old west AND with a pig, and a soundtrack that could have been anyone from Alison Krauss to Blues Traveler. I guess that's not a real big range. Oh well. What I'm trying to say is- this leaves very little grounds for reviewing. All I can really tell you is, go watch it! It's good...unless your a huge Tim Blake fan...

P.S. We just had our library membership renewed! So maybe I'll read the book and then write a whole post about how it is and isn't like the movie. I've read the book, but it was a long time ago and all I remember is that Stanley was fat.

P.P.S. You see how boring the reviews are when the movie is good?

Sickness, The Worst Way To Die.

2010-12-01T08:27:00.000-08:00

I really want to blog right now, and I should, it's a perfectly logical thing to do. Because I, dear people, am sick. I woke up this morning with a headache, after having dreams off and on that I was alone with the girls in the car trying to find a way home. I had more then a headache- my limbs and back are aching, to the point were I can't even really move them (typing, once you achieve the right angle, does not require use of arms, just fingers) and I have a really painful cough that feels like it will make me throw up. Mom had planned to go out tonight, which is horrible because I've been begging her to do something out of the house so me and my sisters can have a sleepover, and I will probably miss school tomorrow. In other words, my day is not going desirably, and now I am stuck desperately trying to think up a blog post because it's the only thing left for me to do. I've been looking through my drafts, trying to get an idea, but the thing about blog posts is you have to be in a certain state of mind when you write them, and I feel like the blob at the moment, so I can't really pick up the energetic thought trains of any of my other posts. But before I complain further, I would like to thank all of you for commenting on my last blog post, seven is the most comments I think I have had since I started blogging again in like 2009. (OK, so half those comments are mine, there were still a lot) I feel a little better now, so maybe I'll get up and watch "The Dick Van Dyke" show in the living-room. Or maybe I'll just have another biscuit and watch "The Andy Griffith" show on TV land.com. So this has just been a gloomy, boring update of a post with no witticism whatsoever, but at least I feel secure in the fact that you all enjoyed the last one. Better post coming (hopefully) soon!

P.S. Oh right, that title. Well I could go on for hours, but really, think about it- a slow, painful death in which you hurt internally. It's not near as funny as it sounds but very true. And why the picture of the Blob? The world will never know...

P.P.S. Mom is very nice. She made me a biscuit and a smoothie and she says that I don't have to do the dishes and she's willing to let me stay in bed and miss her dinner-trip. I love my Aunty Em!

A Fly-By Review of "Inspector Gadget"- The Movie, and Some More Important Things.

2010-11-22T14:16:00.000-08:00

I changed the title of this post. It was originally going to be something cutesy... something with "Wowzers" in it. And there is a reason I told you that, because it shows you just how serious I took writing this review. You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do this, or how many reviews I already have saved as drafts- but my own laziness, self-consciousness, and the fact that I could never find a good movie that everyone I know hadn't already seen prevented me. Until the other night when I got all mad after watching LOST and decided to write about it- and people liked it, and it got off well, and I promised a review and...buried myself. I want you to know that I did not pick this movie from other choices as the best possible one to review, my sisters have been watching a lot of old "Inspector Gadget" cartoons recently, and in the midst of missing them when I was at Nina and Papa's for my birthday I decided it would be a good idea to rent the live-action movie. The last time I watched it was in 2007, when it kept coming on TBS. And for some reason, weird memories of Mom and Dad giggling at a few parts, coupled with a conversation I remember having with Dad in Cici's about what was like the cartoon and what wasn't, gave me the lasting impression that it was a funny, memorable family movie. But it obviously wasn't that memorable, or I would have remembered it for what it is; a cruddy, cruddy, direct-to-video film. So movie- I am going to review you. But not in the professional, analytical way I had originally intended- your not worth it. In more of a fly-by, heres-to-justify-all-the-mean-things-I'm-gonna-say way. And then I'm getting on with my life. The first thing that pulled me out of my illusion when I watched this, was the dialogue. It will make you cringe. And no, I'm not talking about Mathew Broderick (here is another good thing about movie reviews, you can use actor and actress's names as if you know them and all their work when you really don't, I've never seen another of Mathew Broderick's films) saying "Wowzers" every five minutes, that I forgive. And I also understand the need to make this palatable for children; the intended audience, but let's be frank here- Loony Toons is palatable for children, The Muppet movies are palatable, even the Backyardigans are funny and make perfect sense to a kid. So why on earth, if it wasn't just really bad script writing, did they feel the need to make all their characters sound like the adults on a Barney episode? And again, I'm not gonna go into a ton of detail about the acting and stuff; mainly because I know virtually nothing about acting except that it has to do with stage-fright and fur coats, and because I'm not sure how any actor or actress who tried their best could have made a script like that better. In fact, the only thing else I'm going to write about this movie, is that it confirmed a suspicion I had the moment I watched the commercial on Netflix; if you've never seen the cartoon, it will make a ton more sense. One thing I notice a lot about Disney movies that are made from a previous idea; no matter how iconic and well known the original was, Disney will make it completely different. And I don't mean all the Disney based-of-a-cartoon-movies are bad, I liked "Underdog", but then, I've never seen the cartoon. It's like, they got the idea from someone, watched about five seconds from one of the old episodes, and ran with it. And no, it doesn't really bother me at all that it wasn't like the cartoon, it just doesn't make any sense. There were all these element of the cartoon that were really well-known, like the Claw's face never getting shown and Penny finding all the clues, that would have been easy to incorporate and at least make it to were you could watch the movie and go "Oh YeeAAAhhh!!! The Claw did have a cat! Wadda ya know, someone did their research!". And then there were other weird things that they just kind of threw into the movie, and when I watched it oblivious to the fact that a cartoon version even existed, it seemed to make perfect sense that his car would talk and his dog wouldn't. Oh yyyessss....I almost forgot. The Gadget Mobile. don't make me start on the Gadget Mobile, I could write an entire blog post about it. Let's just say that by the end of the movie I was crying into Ruby's shoulder begging her to make it stop talking. I don't know whether they thought the actors and actresses were too boring or if they just needed to kill time, but why the heck the decided it would be a good idea the throw in an annoying car that sounded like...I don't know...some DJ or something....is beyond me. But that's it. That's ALL I'm gonna say. This movie has seriously frightened me from ever trusting blindly to my memories again, and possibly frightened me out of renting the second one, which I hear is better. OK. In Other News; We went to the dentist yesterday, our first trip, even for me. We all had our teeth looked at and cleaned and Isabel had two cavities filled, and as it turns out; I have a dirty, dirty mouth. I was there for the LONGEST time and the hygienist had to call in the actual dentist to look at my teeth. I will need to have cavities filled, I may need braces and they want a specialist to look and see if I need surgery to get my wisdom teeth out. It proves it; ignorance is bliss. I have never had teeth problems before and I wasn't really worried about them at all until yesterday, when suddenly someone looks in my mouth and tells me my teeth are about to ruin my life. I'm done now, and I will let you off the hook because I just pushed "preview" and this post looks menacingly long. Bye!

P.S. Just kidding! You thought would get off without a P.S.? Ha! Anyway, If it's not to much trouble I would seriously like a suggestion for a REAL movie to review. Thank you.

P.P.S. If you happen to be a fan of the old cartoon and are wondering what's in it for you, there is this strange little part during the credits were Penny calls Brian on her watch-thingy and he answers and has a really weird voice. It wasn't the next day when my brain finally made the connection and I realized that it was Don Adams, voice of the old Inspector. So there, enjoy!

In Defense Of "The End" And "LOST" In General

2010-11-17T17:43:00.000-08:00

Believe it or not, I thought this through, very carefully. I realize that reading some 15 year old defend a drama program is probably not your desired reading for the night, and I understand it. I've given up on being one of those bloggers that gets a whole bunch of followers and subscribers- I write for two reasons; in the hopes of entertaining those who are close and anyone who stumbles upon it, whilst keeping them informed of the daily goings-on in our household, and simply for the joy of writing, because I love to write. And since the majority of the topics covered are those which I am currently taking an interest in, it stands to the reader to decide whether or not my blog is worth coming back to for whatever news or humor it might hold. I wish I was one of those writers that could make every topic fun and interesting, but I'm not. So if the fact that at this particular moment I chose to blog about "Lost" totally bothers you- I will not hold you responsible for reading the post. That was a really depressing intro. I'm sorry. I hope I didn't scare anybody away from reading this. Here goes;
I liked "Lost". And I'm not afraid to say it. But I'm starting to believe I should be because every time I mention that I've even watched it to somebody, they snort and chuckle a little and give the miniature version of an eye-roll. Their answer/explanation for this behavior? "It was a waste of time." with all do respect- people who believe this and who's opinions I admire greatly- I have to ask; What did you expect? I mean what was your thought when you saw it coming on for the first time; "Hey, COOL! A show with people! People that crash on an island! And it's a drama! And there's sadness and humor and love stories and people die! Hey ya' know, we should totally watch that. I bet it'll make us better people, teach us some awesome life stories and by the end of it- it will NOT have been a waste of time." Look, I'm sorry. But if your looking for that kind of fulfillment, TV is not the place to go. I, for one, don't think cinema is waste of time at all. I see it as a work of art- the product of human thought and labor- a form of expression. I see great possibilities for fellowship when you enjoy cinema together as a group and most of all- I believe there is always an important life lesson that can be gained from any form entertainment derived from the human mind. Now, of course, I'm getting too broad- but I wanted to clarify this very important aspect first of all; anything in human culture can be bettering, in which case nothing is "A waste of time." it simply depends on what your looking for and how good you are at sorting the mush from the good stuff. So no, I'm not actually trying to stick up for the writers, actors, and director (s) of the show "Lost", although I think their all brilliant, talented people. I'm just sick of hearing the same arguments against it that don't make any sense. Me and Ruby thoroughly enjoyed watching it together- and grant it, there came a point when it became a little to prominently on our minds and I think we spent more time then we should have watching it- you always have to be careful of that. But most of the time it was like a daily routine; at lunch time we would break into the cokes that we earned from Mom, help with lunch for the gals and then curl up on my bed and enjoy a few episodes. Enjoy a few episodes, because believe it or not it did have comedy and drama and sadness and love and people DEFINITELY died. We picked favorite characters, guessed who would be the next to go, impersonated people and formed silly inside jokes. And we remembered, through the whole thing, that God was LORD. We compared all the references to scripture that were scattered throughout, and pointed out the life lessons that could be derived. Not to mention, it brought us closer together, it gave us something our own to do, by ourselves. So no, I watched "Lost" all the way through...twice; and I still don't think it was a waste of time. I'm sorry for anyone that did because I believe you missed out; and although I wish I could leave you with a better last message, the best I can say is this; God can communicate in anyway he wants to, and his truth is everywhere. We, as humans, are all made in his image and there for; willingly or un-willingly we reflect his beauty in everything we do, and I believe it's our job as Christians to find this beauty, and make it more easily-see-able to everyone else.

P.S. This post is barely about "Lost" and I don't even think I mentioned "The End". My bad.

P.P.S. As a review, it kind of stinks, but examining something like a cinema presentation was really fun. Reviewing is something I've always wanted to do. We're renting "Inspector Gadget" (the live-action Mathew Broderick version) tomorrow, so if you think it'd be a good idea for me to review that then grovel and I might consider it.

Finally, a Fabulous Foundations Collegium Post Featuring My Famous Friends!

2010-11-11T17:50:00.001-08:00

Hi. I am fifteen today, and I would like to show you the people that I spent the majority of my day with. I am not going to give a whole lot of background, or say a bunch of funny things, because it's my birthday; and today I don't need humor to keep you reading my blog posts. But first; a few disclaimers- Raz, there is no picture of you in here. Sorry, but you got there just a bit to late and we were already about to start and I was like "I'll get a picture of you later!" as soon as you came in and you were like "What?" except you said it like I had just confided in you that I was turning into a giraffe, and the anxiety at my social skills that this created in me prevented me from concentrating and I forgot to take a picture of you. Also, a few of you are either really insecure, or in trouble with the law- or you just thought it was really funny to avoid letting me take your picture ON MY BIRTHDAY. Ian, Graham, and Brenna; I'm looking at you. Except I'm not, because you wouldn't let me. Ian and Graham I let off the hook because I managed to sneak a photo of while they were talking, but the world will never know what Brenna looks like. There are no pictures of Jonathan or Julia in here, because Jonathan was sick and Julia arrived about the time the cake was cut, so there was obvious reason for distraction. Wow, I said I wasn't gonna say a whole lot and then I did. So here are the pictures, with (hopefully) as little explanation as possible.
First is the picture of Herr professor Bird, he's the noble looking fellow holding the blue glass.
Then we have two pictures of two people; Christian is coming the door and looking both happy and surprised that I am taking a picture. And younger Graham (there's two of them) is looking pleased with himself at being there first. And then I have a picture of the two together making a funny face. Alyssa managed to strike a nice pose in time for my ninja-fast camera attack (she is wearing a pink sweatshirt and a bow), and Hank is always standing about like he wants his picture taken, he is in the dark brown sweatshirt. Older Graham is wearing a green rugby tee-shirt and trying to hide from my awesome snap-shot skills. Well it didn't work, because you will notice that I have a photo of him from the side too. Ian also tried, and failed, to avoid me by making what he thought was an impenetrable wall from his red sweatshirt. And like a patient hunter I waited for him to become distracted, and he is going in the post too. Brenna, however, managed to somehow avoid it, she is the only one who's face is not visible, but her black and white shirt is very pretty at least. Denver is also seen smiling as he comes through the door, and since I don't want you to mistake him for Christian, he is wearing blue and Christian is not. Also, to save time, I included a rather blurry photo of Anna, (middle) Natalie, her sister, and Alyssa, whom you've already been introduced to. They are very interested in something on Anna's phone. Sorry if it's not the best picture ever, but at least your faces are all slightly visible. So in conclusion- and If you've read to this point I can only assume you've noticed this already- when I started writing this post I figured that blogger, being as advanced as it seems to think it is, would have a nice organized system of putting the photos up and letting the writer decide what order they go in. I was wrong. So you'll just have to scroll through and find the photo I'm speaking of using the brief description I gave you and your own blind luck. And I'm going to sleep no w.

A Blog Post Without a Name Because I Can't Think Up a Witty One

2010-11-07T15:34:00.000-08:00

Thank you Mom, for being the only one to fully appreciate that last blog post. There, now the guilt trip for the day is done, and more! I have set the scene for the rest of the blog post; because Mom- you and Dad are gonna get a lot of thanks this post. Unfortunately, there is no way to do this without feeling guilty, because although I have about a million things to thank my parents for during the day (thank you for not killing me, thank you for not tearing my hair out, ect.) I never, ever do until all of a sudden they just decide to do something awesome for me out of the blue, and then I get on face-book and I'm like "I have the best parents in the world!" and even though they think it's really great that I acknowledge that fact, I'm sure my parents must have that tiny seed in them that says "You know, she only posted that because you did something nice and she doesn't want to be nice to you the rest of the day and she wants you to think she's really nice when you do nice things for her so you'll do more nice things." Their brains seriously over-use the word nice. And though I've done that innumerable times, I'm sure the tiny seed has only gotten worse, but here's the thing; I'm really not doing it for either of those reasons. Really. I love you guys a TON and I think your the best parents in the world and when you do nice things I just feel really bad for not doing nice things for you; but I'm not all that creative and I have a limited number of resources, so a face-book post is usually the only thing you get for your efforts. Sorry. But hey, this time it's a blog post! So now that that issue is (hopefully) clarified, I will tell you the nice things they did. So, as you ALL know, next week on the 11'nth everybody's favorite blogger, guitar player, VHS collector and VW fan will turn 15. But since it was unclear whether Dad would be in town that week they decided to give my present on Thurs ( I think they were actually just afraid that I would figure out what it was since I'm such a genius ). I can now admit that when I was first told that they had my present, and that it was an electronic, and that I would love it, I had serious doubts. How could they know what I wanted when I didn't? There was no electronic that I knew about that I wanted; iPod? Not really. iPhone? No way. I was confused and disappointed without cause. But I had underestimated my family- man! Do they know me! The present (which I have included pictures of ) is a record player, CD player, Tape player, Aux player, LP converter, tape converter, and Aux converter (all to CD), and it's beautiful, isn't it? But that isn't the only thing my long-suffering parents have done for me this week, no; last night, the day before Dad had to leave town, he spent getting my bug over here. That's right, it's finally back in my hands! And because of the cold and dark and rust that Dad endured moving it, I forgive him for the broken front and back panels and other "Minor cosmetic damages" inflicted during the move. Hopefully, if my personal responsibility holds out, I will blog in detail about that later. And now; to conclude the post; I would like to say thank you to both Mom and Dad for giving me one of the best weeks of my life. And for, in general, putting up with me, my crazy emotional-ness, my eccentric hobbies of collecting rare Muppet things and doing random British-impressions. I have no idea in the world how I would have gotten on without parents as cool as you. You Rock.

Favorites! .....Just Kidding, Panspermia!

2010-11-03T08:23:00.000-07:00

Ok, the title is done-now to think up a post that goes with it...kidding. I actually do have a plan this time! Yesterday I forewarned of a post entitled "Favorites" that was to come up today. Believe me, I had every intention of making that happen, but when I actually got to thinking about it, it sounded like the lamest thing ever. I mean, let's be honest guys- I joke a lot about how my blog posts mainly center around my interests; but really, I keep you guys informed and manage to slip in some funny sentences here and there right? It would appear that this, coupled with your incessantly nice comments asking for more, have given me the idea that I am an invincible blogger and I can pull of post about anything I want, even toenails. But who really wants to sit on their computer, and read a list of the things some other person likes? Really?! So I'm scratching that idea and moving on to the next one; PANSPERMIA!!! Panspermia is a theory on the origin of life, a way to justify the existence of aliens and include them into our cosmic ancestry, a way to pull together the intelligent design and evolutionary theories without loosing the romance and science of either...it's also my symposium topic. Which is the only reason I say all those nice things, because lets face it; anyone who's so desperate to believe in aliens they try to form a real scientific theory off of it-is a total fruitcake. But I picked it, I've researched it, and I'll be defending it next Tuesday. But actually I'm pretty excited, mine will be hard to defend so they will expect to wipe me out and man, they got another thing comin'! I hired Doctor who and a Dalek to stop by afterward anyway, in case things get too rough. And that's about it. I would love to tell you more about the actual theory but...actually I don't, and since this is my blog I wont.

P.S. I'm include a link here to a HILARIOUS blog written by a really funny girls, however it is my strict duty to warn you that the content is pretty adult; mostly due to her tendency to use strong language to accentuate her posts. But if your one of my adult friends, and you feel man enough for it, I would give it a look because it's probably the funniest thing since Peebles. The
blog; Hyperbole and a Half

P.P.S. Picture is of Doctor Who. ;)

A More Coherant Post

2010-11-02T17:10:00.000-07:00

First of all, let me explain why I chose this particular moment to blog.It happened something like this; My sister told my Mom that I was making myself a cup of coffee at 7:50, Mom told me I would never sleep, and I was "Augh! I'm doing school! I need coffee!' and she was like "Look at my Bejeweled Blitz score!' and I was like "I'm going to do school." and she was like "Fine! Go do your school!" and then I went to my room and looked at my paper and decided I didn't want to do school anyway. So...I guess that's not really a reason to blog after all, in fact I'm not even sure why the hour chosen to blog needs an explanation...oh well, this is me were talking about here. And speaking of me, it's time for my daily criticize-my-own-blog-post rant! Just kidding, it was awesome. And, as I now realize, not really that long (thank you Papa!) just really, really, incoherent- with lots of disjointed sentences, abstract thoughts and random news flashes. Oh yeah, and my "N" key had something spilled on it so it's really sticky now and takes me like three times to get it to work, so I wrote "wet" instead of "went", and other such grammar faults several times. OK, I named this "A More Coherant Post" (yes, I name the posts before I write them-it's fun but doesn't really help with coherence- can you tell I like this word?) anyway, in the spirit of coherence (how many times?!) I am going to try to start thinking up a theme for all these posts that have no news-bringing purpose, like "What I think of ducks" or "My view on the PT Cruiser" or something like that. This means that improvised posts, as in the past, will probably be public failures; as they are all my inexplicable thoughts on the things I choose to talk about- but isn't that what a blog is for? I'm thinking about one called "favorites" that may go up soon, and perhaps I'll blog about Panspermia (alien seed model) after that. Anyway, this hasn't been, despite it's ambitious title, the most coherent (four times!) post ever, but it got the job done, and my restraining from making it too long by including the "Favorites" thing gave me hope that I can, actually, be an organized cohesive blogger.

P.S. I mentioned the argument I had with my Mom briefly above. I would like to publicly apologize for it; Mom, I sorry. And your Bejeweled score is goin' down!

P.P.S. I almost forgot! I got the most sensational, inspirational, celebration-al, Muppet-tational
Kermit-the-frog hat the other day. I mean really; aside from God and a whole lot of other things, it's like the most awesome thing ever.

A Post That Runs On And On And On...

2010-10-25T08:27:00.000-07:00

Spurred by an encouraging comment from my grandfather, and driven by the fact that I am in the between stages of playing Bejeweled Blitz till I get a headache and working on the essay that isn't due for a week and a half, I return to you now to blog. But to blog about what? Current events are not my strong point in writing- I will never be a news reporter. However I can say this much without sounding boring and monotonous, like a Gregorian monk chanting recent events; Ruby's birthday was this week! I say "this week" because I don't want to say Saturday, and it ends up being Friday, and so embarrassing myself in front of anyone who reads this and actually knows. I can safely say, however, that it was the twenty-second. Ruby wet shopping and spent the night at Nina and Papa's house, and the next night we all took the traditional trip to Cracker Barrel with Aunt Kim, Lilith, Aski (Asky?), and Grandad Dave. I then proceeded to buy myself a necklace from the giftshop,(because that's much more important than the birthday thing), Naomi rubbed her lollipop on the trashcan ad gave it to Aski (Askie?), and we all went home. Except Ruby who, now being a hundred-air, got to spend the night at Nina and Papa's again. Aside from that the news get's pretty monotonius, I have been working on the Alien Seed symposium, and after watching hours of "Cosmos" and "Origins", I am pretty alien-ed out. It thunderstormed last night too, and after having a long dream about a Halloween party, I awoke to find the power out and it thundering loudly. End of news. And now; two random pictures of me! (because what girl doesn't lie posting random pictures of herself?) The first one is me painfully fixing my hair, in my Beatles shirt. he words "SPEECH" and "Flush!" are visible on my arm. I can explain. My speech was due in two days, and when I was writing it on my arm I asked Ruby if there was anything else I needed to remember, and she oh-so-funnily said "Flush!". I thought it was funny at the time. The next picture is me looking angry at the person who took the picture. I'm trying these out because I would like to find a new header. I like the one I have-I've had it since January 2008- but it is also in my side bar, and when I post things on FB it makes it look like there all about Herbie. End of long, long post.

A Few Thoughts On Thought

2010-10-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Behold, we know not anything;
I can but trust that good shall fall
At last - far off - at last, to all
And every winter change to spring.

So runs my dream; but what am I?
An infant crying in the night;
An infant crying for the light;
and with no language but a cry. - Tennyson

I have to wonder, as I sit with my sore throat and all my research books spread out around me, what makes people quote poetry? Do they really have the noble and honest desire to share beauty with one another? Or is it just hard-wired into the depths of human nature the desire to appear smarter than all the other members of our own species? It's never a good thing, I suppose, not to able to identify the cause for ones own actions. And I am inclined to think that if I try hard enough, I could seperate from myself and examine, with a critical eye, my own thought patterns; and reach some logical conclusion. But supposing that conclusion were not the desired one; would the human mind accept it? Again, I am left to ponder whether a being can accept any truth that contradicts, or show the flaws in, itself; and whether we aren't sub-consciously twisting and bending logic to fit our own selfish needs all the time. But if this were the case, how could I trust even that argument? And so, my own meager attempt at philosophy leaves me running logical circles around myself yet again.

Epistimology, Paradime Managment, and Laziness.

2010-09-28T19:48:00.000-07:00

See those terms up there? Yeah, that's right, the long fancy ones-those are my excuses for putting off blogging for so long. Knowledge, dear devoted readers, and I am just bathing in it. I am, of course, talking about Foundations Collegium- the program that I started nearly a month ago, and the only thing that you people who never see me keep asking about. And what do you ask me, you ask? A lot of stuff, but namely "What is Foundation Collegium?". I can try to define it for you, and since this will probably go on face-book my teacher, Mr. Bird, may read it and want to correct me, and he's welcome to. Foundation Collegium is, in many ways a worldview education class. They cover a variety of subjects, (which are too plentiful and specific to try and name without my list, and I'm to lazy to get it) things such as: Critical Thinking, Spiritual Dynamics, and Biblical Studies, not to mention history and science under the fields of Art and Music, and Literature. All whilst- and at the same time- strengthening and examining a strong Christian perspective. I am definitely enjoying it. My teacher is wonderful, all the other students are great, and did I mention I got 98% on my first speech?! Yeah, I'm writing speeches! Now some of you may be wondering "So...that's all that's happened in the last...what is it...month since you've posted?!" and the answer to that is...yeah, pretty much. I mean, time has progressed (today, for instance, is my grandmother's birthday, happy B'day Nina!), goats have escaped and been put back in, rabbits have died, my record player broke- but nothing of real interest to the popular group. (There's a popular group?) So I will be forced, once again, to leave you with a few stringy, half-hearted announcements. First off, I found a place that can transfer my UK Muppet video (remember that? "Laugh it up Brianna Bales...") for five dollars, I may be attempting to learn Chinese soon, I composed my own version of "Gilligan's Island" for guitar, and, oh- MY FIFTEENTH BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP!! (in about two months...)

Cure For Teen Depression

2010-09-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

Cure for teen depression; First, get rid of anything that might be keeping you depressed- homework, a messy room, etc. Now put on some comfy sweat pants, or gym shorts, and a tee-shirt. Put your hair in a ponytail. Read something from the Bible- doesn't matter what. I like the 23 Psalm as a picker-upper. Make yourself a nice, hot cup of tea or coffee. Turn on an old movie- preferably one with nostalgia. My favorite personally is the Muppets- but yours could be anything, a 1994 T.V. taping of "Godzilla", or a cozy Christmas film (the fact that it's September is irrelevant). And there you have it! I would suggest you have a living creature curl up beside you- cats, dogs, and siblings all work nicely!

What Would It Take...

2010-08-10T13:02:00.000-07:00

What would it take to get me to blog when I'm on a lazy strike? How about new goats? A new puppy? Finishing the entire "LOST" saga? starting school? Dad being home? I guess not. I can sit for hours and just blog away when I feel like it, even though absolutely nothing of interest to the general public (meaning, in my case, friends and fam) has happened, and I'm probably just running over the same tired subjects (Muppets, muppets, ect...) and yet when things do happen, I seem to conveniently slip into a no-computer phase, and by the time I've picked blogging up again, those things don't seem nearly as exiting or important as they were before. Well, now that I'm on to it, yes, all those things I listed above have happened since my last post, and since I'm sure they were all very important at one time, I'll just have to cover them all one by one. ( Insert Reader's Groan ) So, new goats? Yes, well I'll have to be brief about them, as at the moment I am...well...wishing they were in a stew pot. Their names are (the momma's ) Saidy, Faith, Kansas, and Camy. The babies (which are all boys, and therefore all food) are named Lambchop, Curry, and Stew. Sick you say? Well I didn't name them, cold humor runs in the family. A new puppy? YES! And allow me to say- while I still believe it- that Guppy (that's her name for now, but it's in flux) is the sweetest, cutest, smartest Great Pyrenees on the face of the earth! Finishing the entire "Lost" saga? Yes, I admit, it caught me too. It became like- a sort of daily routine- when everything had quieted down, usually after lunch, we would put on "Rugrats" for the littles (their new thing-and let me tell you- it is making me miss "Fraggle Rock!) and me and Ruby would settle down on my bed ad watch "Lost" to our heart's content.It was a fun thing to look forward to, and still is, because we are re-watching it. (Geeks, aren't we? But at least it's inclusive this time) Now I would love to dwell on that all day, but I won't, for both our sakes, but mostly mine. As to starting school- well, school is school. But I am enjoying it some. Although it's challenging, I really feel that the new materiel is an improvement, and there is much more reading involved. And, as usual, Dad being home is great. And you know, I think I'll leave you here. I've just made a discovery- blogging does not help headaches. I think I'll try sleep- or maybe "Lost"....

2010-07-29T18:11:00.001-07:00

Homecoming

2010-07-14T09:15:00.001-07:00

So, I have reached that point in the morning were the littles are watching "Sesame Street" or "Wonderpets", I can't tell, Ruby and I are arguing (healthy argument; "A dissagreement a day keeps boredom away.") and, although I should be helping Mom with the chores, I have slipped off to my room and have nothing to do. Which means you people are in for another rambling session. ;) First off, to update (and rub it in) I just got back yesterday night from a two-day sleepover at my friend Brianna's house. Fun! Activities therein included; watching "The Princess and the Frog" (which I, by the way, thought was a very cute and funny movie- although it had some parts that were way too scary for younger audience), playing the just dance game until we were completely sore (no, I never tire of that game, I'm a teenage girl for crying out loud!), and, of course, some "Doctor Who". And when we were all bored of that, we sat down and watched "Extreme Thrill Rides" on TV and 'riffed' all the commercials. Although I love Brianna's, nothing makes me value my own home more than a stay at somebody else's. Home is were the heart is- and nothing is better when your coming home than a hot shower, watching LOST, and then "The Muppet Movie" to go to sleep by. ( there is your healthy Muppet reference; "A Muppet reference a day keeps the...boys away? huh." ;) Anyway, I want my family to know just how much they, in all their craziness, mean to me. I have been blessed with one of the best life's imaginable. Now, that covers the past- how about the future? Well here are my petty and self-centered goals. To buy a new guitar; the old one is officially broken- the frets are warped and it's... just general an instrument that has seen better days. I'll probably buy a used one at the same place, the man there was really nice and helpful, he used to give Mom guitar lessons so I'm pretty sure he didn't mean to rip us off. Also, I have this cool pair of converse boots I want (in the picture, because there pretty hard to describe) there about fifty bucks though, so I doubt I'll be getting them soon. Lastly, I am going to start advertising my babysitting services soon. (I think I mentioned this before, but I apparently haven't nagged Mom enough to make her write one). Now I probably need to get off here- too much computer time isn't good for my eyes ( and too much of my blog isn't good for your mind ) just one more thing before I let you off- about that new Muppet movie- they (meaning Disney, or Jason Seigel or somebody) recently announced that filming will start in September. Not bad, maybe it'll be done by Christmas after all. OK, that's it, class dismissed- I have chores to not do.

A Very Distracted Update

2010-07-06T20:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, an update- well, facebook has pretty much taken care of that for me, but just in case you happened not to take a look every five minutes, and by the time you got on your homepage was cluttered in so much meaningless junk that my statuses were buried- here's what's been going on this week. Dad is home!!! FINALLY! And boy has he been making up for the time he was away! Mom has him building a goat pin, for (surprise, surprise ) GOATS! Mom's going to look at some this week. Fun right? Now if I could only get used to that goat milk... Oh, and speaking of Mom, I had this weird, vivid dream last night about me going back in time and meeting her when I was a baby. What is that a sign of I wonder? Also, I have decided to just start putting all my blog posts on Facebook. I'm not going to try and decide whether they are good enough, so don't feel inclined to read them. I'm just tired of writing posts that only my mother reads, and I'm sure she's sick of it too, the way I hound her for comments ;) So FB readers- if you like this blog, I would suggest you read back on the older posts you missed... except "Random ramblings of a sick mind". I'm trying to forget that one. Let's see...I think that's all on the news for this week; I accidently punched through a glass window, resulting in a cool camo pinky ring (am I blonde, or what?), we spent Fourth Of July with our neighbors ( also our landlords, nice folks ) and I have decided to get a summer job. Dad says to just advertise my babysitting services, so...consider this an advertisement... I want a summer job because I have three things to save up for (aside from Herbie- cruel fate :( A new guitar, some converse high top boots, and that wal-mart card I talked about last post. Well goodnight folks, and God bless!

Pet Profiles

2010-06-29T16:54:00.000-07:00

OK, so usually I limit myself to one blog post a day but- since you begged - here goes. This is a "Pet Profile" is to ensure that the next time one of our animals...uh...bites the dust, everyone will know which one, and the consoling answer won't be "Oh, sorry. So how many does that make?" So first things first-
Cats

Oreo; The Mother cat. She is the big one with the crazy black and white fur. She is very sweet and tolerant of the kids. Both ours, and hers.

Cinnamon; The favorite of the family, and unarguably the cutest of the kittens. She is a bit of a Moma's girl but she has a brave side too. Brown tabby.

Smoke; Yes, I realize she is black. But I have always wanted to name a cat Smoke. Smoke is the runt, the smallest and the most withdrawn. She is a loner, and usually stays with Moma or by herself. Her eye has a little infection that makes it crusty.She is my fave ;)

Presto; Cute name, huh? Presto's personality is pretty much the same as Cinnamon's, except that she is more of a tag-along. She is also a bit more willing to try new things, as long as Punky tries them first. She's the black and white spotted.

Punky; Well named, although when Mom gave it to her, it was only because of the Mohawk-shaped marking on her head. Punk is the rebel, unafraid to do anything, including swat at you. She is in the kitchen as we speak, being rewarded for catching a mouse. She's the one that looks like she's being squished by Mom.

GUINEA PIGS

Dorthea; Named for the Redwall character, Dorthea was a very young mother, and still retains her childish personality and high-pitched squeak. White and light brown.

Gypsy; Named for the MST3K character, Gypsy is sweet, loving, and a complete wimp.Her original name was Mariel, for the Redwall character (we use a lot of character names) but the personality was totally off. The gray one that looks like a mouse. She is mine.

The Brain; Named, obviously, for "Pinky and the Brain" the TV show, the Brain lives up to his character; evil, and smart. What are we going to tonight Brain?" "The same thing we do every night Falcon, try to take over the world!" He is the small white one with the spiky hair.

Falcon; Big and dumb. But adorable! Ruby's love. ;) White and fuzzy with gray spots.

Hunger and Boredom

2010-06-29T13:00:00.000-07:00

No,no,no- this is not one of those 'depressed' posts. I promised not to do that again, and anyway those are no fun! All I'm gonna use this post for is to ramble and to complain. And yes, I am hungry and bored. For once my post title meant something! I amaze myself! And before you call Child Services on my parents, allow me to clarify that I am both hungry and bored by my own fault. I'm hungry because I'm picky. I'm fourteen and I still can't stand veggies, in this case, squash and okra. Eeewwuuugghhh!! Just writing them gives me chills. I'm bored because the Doctor Who that everyone is watching in the living-room is "Stones Of Blood" and I could quote all the dialogue in that one. But won't, because it's old and goofy. So far this post is pretty boring, as I read back. Maybe I need something to spruce it up? A chorus line perhaps? Nah, you'll just have to put up with more of me. Dad has been home this week, which has been awesome! It's wonderful having someone around the house to help while Mom recovers, and I know it makes her very happy just having him here. Now, I want to ask you a favor. Yes, YOU!! I have been trying for awhile to figure out something to do with this blog. "Hhmm... why don't you try BLOGGING??!" Well smarty, what I meant was that I want a reason to blog. As I said one of those other posts that you didn't comment on, not a lot of interest happens in my life, so I was kind of hoping for a suggestion. Movie reviewing? Product reviewing? People reviewing? You may leave suggestions in the comment box. ;) Lastly, I have had a real urge to start driving recently. I'm not sure what spurred it, maybe the fact that Brianna is getting her learner's permit this week (congrats!) or maybe just the feeling of being stuck at home with nothing left do, or maybe all the babysitting clients I've lost thanks to no transportation. Oh well, won't be long now ;)

This Is Starting To Bug Me...

2010-06-23T12:58:00.001-07:00

OK, I'm not a bragger, but I have to say- that last blog post was good right? I kept you guys up-to-date, I was nice about stuff, and I said the word 'jovial' what's not to love? So WHY no comments?! You guys have Google Readers right? So why don't you use em'?! I'm insecure (OK, so not really) and I wanna feel the love!! I'm not asking much, just a little "lol, your funny" or "Wow, your a dork" SOMETHING let me know your listening! Thank you. Now the stuff about my life-uh, well the big computer has virus, so Mom's been using mine, hence the fact that I'm not FB very much. Oh, and I might be getting a credit card. Actually, a Wal-Mart card. If I can earn up forty dollars. Which reminds me, NONE OF YOU GUYS ASKED MOM ABOUT MCKAY'S!! How can I trust you people?! I should just sign off and start a new blog, were I can rant away and even bother to check, for the off-chance that anyone will comment. Uh...in other news, I may have new babysitting client! Well, that's all I have the charisma to write right now. But I'm gonna ask again; PLEASE comment on my last post!!!!!

LOST

2010-06-21T12:19:00.000-07:00

Well hello again, my oh so tolerant readers. As you can tell from that introduction, I am in quite a jovial mood. Jovial? OK, so maybe I'm in a 16'th century England mood, I can never tell with me. For once I am not going to tell you that nothing much has happened in the last few days. Not that anything of interest has happened, I'm just not going to tell you that. As you know Father's day was yesterday...I think...but my poor father was out of town. :( On the bright side though, the day before me and Mom got to have a "girl's night out" together when my grandparents took all the other children (their brave, aren't they?) so me and Mom went out to eat, and then bought "Just Dance" and danced our pants off for awhile. Then we rented the new "Sherlock Holmes" movie and watched it. And if your hoping and/or expecting a review on that-don't hold your breath. All I'm gonna say is that, regardless of the fact that this is one of my favorite stories of all times that Hollywood is modernizing here, It was a brilliant movie. And they really did a much better job of keeping it close to the book than I expected (but then, I've learned not to expect much). After that Mom went to bed (the weenie pants) and I watched an MST3K by myself in the living room, so that was the end of our night together. Oh, and since your probably wondering about the title- I chose it for two good reasons. One; it's the name of my mother's favorite show, which means she will be forced read at least to here. Two; why do I need a second reason? I'm done trying to think up titles for these things. If I kept them all based on the post, they would all be named "Nothing Much Has Happened This Week". OK, I'm not gonna stay on here much longer, I'm hungry-need to bug Mom about lunch. Just one more thing, I need help from all you people that I like to imagine read this blog. See, I want a trip to McKay's. unfortunately, the house is clean, the car is clean, and aside from those things there is no force on heaven or earth that can make Mom take me. So please, leave a comment and ask her, nay, beg her, nay, BRIBE her! You will be rewarded in heaven.

One Girl Alone; A Blogging Legacy

2010-06-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

OK, so what's on the agenda for today? Well Nothing really, since my Mother decided to put to shame my reputation for being a workaholic. The house is spotless, my clothes are organized, I can't write right now, and if Mom mentions school, I will pack up and leave. Recently I have been lapsing into severe laziness, which has been giving way to depression. But only when I am blogging. I have no idea why I have the sense of responsibility that I must blog. Or maybe it's because every time I look back and read a recent post, it's like reading the very random thought chain of someone who's bored, depressed, and up WAY late to be tampering with his/her reputation. And tampering with my reputation is exactly what I've been doing recently, trying to express and explain myself without regard to other peoples opinions, and only succeeding in making myself out to be depressed and withdrawn. But there have been moments of truth to what I've written, although that side of me is the hidden...well previously hidden, side. So what I'm saying is, enough of sicko-oligy on this blog! Let's get back to the random, the comedic, the boring, the obsessed...uhm...let's get back to whatever we were doing before. So updates-well, not a lot has happened that's worth chronicling, but Mom (or maybe I should say "Aunt Bee") has about ten watermelons growing her garden. Among other things, including tomatoes, zucchinis, and the best cucumbers in the history of mankind. Also me and Ruby have been watching "Doctor Who" again more, and I gotta say, this Matt Smith fella is OK, he's no David Tennant or Tom Baker, but he's OK. (And yes, I will once again assume you know what I'm talking about). The end of the season is approaching and I REALLY hope he keeps this companion! In other news (lol) Ruby has taken up puppeteering (and I thought television in the 70's didn't effect your mind), I have been previewing MST3K's (cause' I can do that! YAY!) and found a lot more good ones to watch. Also I have hatches this crazy scheme to recycle old ugly clothes into new trendy ones. Will keep you posted. Now I gotta switch out laundry...

P.S. As for the title...I didn't even think about it. It just sounded catchy!